For a long time, I tried to be perfect. I thought that if I was just a better person–stronger, less selfish, more responsible–I would feel better. And overall, I have found that to be true.
But those things take time. Sometimes a lot of time.
Here’s an excerpt from something I’m working on right now:
“Growing up, I always tried to be perfect. And sometimes, I was impatient with myself; Iwanted to rush it. Once, I decided to go to school on a day I felt especially sad and overwhelmed with life, a day when it probably would’ve been better for me to stay home.
Something told me not to go, but I went anyway.
I regretted it. The professor ended the lecture after twenty minutes and spent the rest of the class passing out books.
I hadn’t even ordered a book.
I learned something that day. Sometimes, you just need to give yourself a break.
I have missed many days of school since that day. And I have done many other things that I don’t do now, and would not want to do. But at the time I felt I needed to do them. I didn’t think I could not do them.
I’m glad I did them now.”