Life Hack for Getting Suddenly Awesome: Shop for Friends


The other day, while I was talking to a good friend of mine on the phone, she said that she was upset about something. It had been several days since she called her friend, she said, and she hadn’t called her back yet.

“I’m sorry,” I told her. “Maybe she’s just too busy.”

“She always does this to me,” my friend told me.

And so I gave her this little piece of advice:

“Get new friends,” I said.

It wasn’t great advice. It was not insightful or earth-shattering.

And yet.

How rarely we do this.

Like lovers, we think that friends should “just come.” They should “be led” to us, much like–well, much like nothing.

What else besides friends and lovers do we feel this way about?

When you got your job, did you just let it “come” to you? Or did you shop around? What about your favorite jeans? Were they just suddenly handed to you by fate, or did you have to weed through some piles of crap to find them?

So: my advice of the day: Shop for new friends. Meet a lot of new people and try a lot of new things. Then, when your current friends disappoint you, it won’t come as such a blow.

“It’s their loss,” you will think. And you will mean it.

And you will be able to move on.


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  1. Dear Mollie,

    Great advice! I needed to read this, for my own personal reasons. I have always tried to keep every friend in my life that I have ever had, and of course you would recognize that this is not a realistic option.

    Most cordially, Celia

  2. Well, I have, at least, reached the point that, if a friend starts treating me poorly or has been, I will do one of two things: 1) I will ask what the heck is going on, knowing that may well end it; or 2) I will just quit worrying about whether they stay my friend or not. I will leave it up to them.
    This stroke has made major differences in me and I don’t think a lot of people have figured that out yet. I don’t really like a lot of parts about who I was; and, who I am just won’t put up with that much anymore.

  3. So common sense and instinctively correct, yet going against the grain of my upbringing, education and moral indoctrination. Thanks, this is wonderful advice. It feels like my own spirit speaking.

  4. Hi Mollie:
    Awesome advice!
    I do this often. I reflect on the friends I have about once every other month and if they aren’t fulfilling my idea of what friends should be I leave then aside and move on. That’s why at this moment in my life, I have the best group of friends I’ve EVER had and the single BEST friend of my life.

    Thanks for the reminder, Mollie.


  5. Oh! I have a blog that needs you!! So weird, I thought I was the only one who had a similar idea. Though I am doing things every day to make me happy for 6 months. It would be great to get some suggestions from you!
    Love and light xx Lisa