When You’re Struggling, Admit It (Alone and Together, Part Twenty-Nine)

The second year David and I were together we learned even more about fighting.

One day, we were both feeling a little annoyed with each other though neither of us really knew why. Then, suddenly, while we were in our office sitting next to each other and reading or working or something, I realized, I don’t want to be annoyed with him anymore.

And I don’t have to, either.

Later, when he said something to me that seemed a little short, I said, “Honey, please me nice to me, because I am tired.” I said it in a little girl’s voice and he hugged me really hard and said, “Okay.”

And after that, whatever it was that had been bothering us was gone.

Later, we discovered a similar technique that we have used ever since. One evening after work, David was acting kind of grumpy and I said, “Honey, are you okay?”

He said, “I am grumpy.”

I said, “What can I do for you?”

He said, “Just a hug.”

I said, “Okay.” Then we hugged.

I didn’t get mad. And because I didn’t, it meant that I would get my turn to be grumpy later.

It’s a system that works pretty well, and I am proud of us for having it.

We are happy. We don’t wake up in the morning wondering if we are going to have a fight that day.

We are sane.

It is a good life indeed.

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After Rachel and Matthew had their first child, they had a couple of fights. Well, okay, more than a couple—they fought for over three years. They fought about schedules. They fought about bad habits. They even fought about the lawn mower. And besides actually having their child, it was the best thing that could've happened. Get Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby: A Self-Help Story on Amazon now.

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