Appreciate the Gift (Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby, Part Thirty-Two)

My Relationship Journal: December

Lesson: Appreciate the Gift

Book Notes and Quotes:

Whatever Arises, Love That: A Love Revolution That Begins with You, Matt Kahn:

  • When so-called bad stuff happens, don’t fight, don’t negotiate—just sit with the pain for a while. When the time is right, you’ll know how to handle the problem, but until then, allow yourself to feel what you feel.
  • When a feeling is “honored and given permission to be,” it eventually dissolves of its own accord—no striving, no fighting, no negotiation needed.
  • Your negative experiences can actually become your greatest gifts, “the source of your own fulfillment.”
  • No matter how many problems you successfully fix, life will always bring you more. So if you want peace in your life, learn to love what arises.

When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times, Pema Chodron:

  • “To stay with that shakiness–to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge–that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic–this is the spiritual path.”
  • “Every day we could reflect on this and ask ourselves, ‘Am I going to add to the aggression in the world?’ Every day, at the moment when things get edgy, we can just ask ourselves, ‘Am I going to practice peace, or am I going to war?'”
  • “Those events and people in our lives who trigger our unresolved issues could be regarded as good news. We don’t have to go hunting for anything. We don’t need to try to create situations in which we reach our limit. They occur all by themselves, with clockwork regularity.”

My Relationship Resolutions:

  • I will be grateful for the challenges marriage brings. If Matthew was perfect, how would I grow? Marriage is one of the most complex, intense relationships in life—and the best opportunity I have to learn to love unconditionally.
  • When painful stuff happens, like an argument with Matthew, I won’t try to fix it right away. Instead, I’ll find a quiet place, and just sit with the feeling. Only when I’m ready to move on will I do so, even if it takes several hours or days.
  • I will remember that Matthew doesn’t have to be perfect for me to be happy. I’m tough; I can handle a few flaws.

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise to remember that one of the best parts of marriage is how it helps me grow.”

Read the rest of the series at Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby: A Self-Help Novel.


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