Appendix One: The Cheat Sheet (Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby, Part Thirty-Three)

One morning, you wake up to notes on the fridge reminding your partner to treat you better. What’s your reaction? Yeah, I thought so. Here, then, a cheat sheet with all of the main lessons in this book. My advice: use it flagrantly.

Lesson: Change Your Story

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise to believe your intentions are good.”
  • “I promise to double-check my story about you.”

Lesson: Don’t Fight. Just Talk Instead.

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise not to discuss an issue unless it’s worth the tension it will cause and unless I’ve given it some time.”

Lesson: Don’t Make It Into a Big Deal

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise to underreact.”

Lesson: Be Uncomfortably Nice

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise to use a kind, respectful tone of voice, even when upset.”

Lesson: Shamelessly Bargain (And Always Have a Bottom Line)

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise to negotiate, not nag.”

  • “I promise to focus mainly on solutions, not emotions.”

Lesson: Apologize Every Chance You Get

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise to take every opportunity to say I’m sorry.”

Lesson: Change Your Partner the Right Way

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise not to nag you to change, but to gently encourage it instead.”
  • “I promise to mirror back to you the change I want to see.”

Lesson: Brush Up on Your Endocrinology

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise to focus on solutions, not emotions.”
  • “I promise to understand that your needs are real.”

Lesson: Don’t Defend Yourself

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise to listen first.”

  • “I promise to ask permission before telling my side of the story.”

Lesson: Appreciate the Gift

For the Fridge:

  • “I promise to remind myself that one of the best parts of marriage is how it helps me grow.”

Read the rest of the series at Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby: A Self-Help Novel.

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Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby: A Self-Help Novel

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