This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, We Get Better: 48 Treatment Options for Chronic Depression.

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Treatment option 46: Reaching out to a friend

The drive to talk is a healthy, reasonable one. Verbal communication, whether through talking or writing, is one of the ways the feelings parts of the brain make connections with the logical, rational parts of the brain.

When you talk through a difficult situation or emotion, you come to understand it better, especially if your listener allows you to fumble through a few false guesses as to what is bothering you without changing the subject, providing pat answers or interrupting. When emotions are high, your first blurted-out pronouncements might not be rooted in fact. The longer you are heard by a non-judgmental, deeply listening ear, the more self-corrections you are able to make and the greater the likelihood arriving at true understanding becomes.

If you’re not sure the person you want to lean on has fully developed their listening skills yet, cue attentiveness by starting with something like, “Hey, do you have time to listen? I have something going on.” You might also want to let them know that you’re looking for validation, not solutions or arguments. If they slip into fix-it mode, gently bring them back by reminding them you just want to talk about your feelings right now.

If desired, add “reaching out to a friend” to your list of emotional coping skills. You might also want to list the names of several people that you feel comfortable talking to in times of distress.

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