Author Archives: Mollie Player

Self-Help Interview: “I Feel Inspiration in My Everyday Experiences”

Deanna Mason is an intelligent, highly skilled stay-at-home mother of five. A member of a traditional religion, she frequently surprises me with her insights into energy healing, self-improvement strategies, education and politics.

Mollie: I want to ask you about mindfulness because to me, you have always seemed very present, very able to slow down, take your time and do one thing at a time. My first question for you is: What is it like to be inside your head? Are you normally at peace, or are you full of distracted thoughts, concerns, plans, regrets and the like? In short, do you have mind clutter?

Deanna: This is an interesting question. Thanks for asking!

I do have plenty of thoughts mulling around all the time but they’re not racing. It’s more of a putter. I like to figuratively pick something up and think about it. Then I set it down and think about something else. I often get excited about something and think about it a lot for a while. If there are a lot of things to remember, I will write them down so that I can stop remembering them. I will usually remember them later anyway, but the stress of remembering is gone after writing it down.

I do enjoy pondering things. I wonder about things a lot but it’s more in observation and awe than worry and stress.

Mollie: Are you often happy?

Deanna: I usually have a lot of hope for my situation and my future. I feel a lot of inspiration in my everyday experiences—things like needing a piece of string to tie up sleeping bags this morning and remembering just where I put the twine two months ago after the kids made bows and arrows out of twigs. Or feeling disgruntled about setting up beds for company arriving late and being reminded that this is a labor of love. Often I will think of taking something with me that doesn’t make a lot of sense and when I get there, I need it: an extra extra change of clothes for the baby, a pen, a book for someone I didn’t know needed it, extra formula that ends up being for someone else’s baby. There are also impressions I hear that are not positive—snarky sorts of comments that I choose to ignore. I believe it is a life’s work to learn to differentiate the good from the bad. I am better at ignoring the negative and listening to the positive than I used to be. I have gotten better at recognizing negative thoughts and rejecting them more quickly.

I do have peace generally and when I don’t, it’s something that I focus on, ponder about and try to solve. I often ask myself “why” a lot. Not “Why did this happen to me?” but “Why do I feel this?” or “Why is this my reaction right now?” Sometimes I will create an image to help resolve the negative feelings. Sometimes a song lyric pops into my head that helps me process things. Sometimes I focus on moving the energy through quickly and not allowing it to linger.

Mollie: It sounds like you’re saying that you flow through your day in a very mindful way, enjoying your thoughts but directing them rather than letting them direct you. How careful are you about this? Is there a conscious decision to be mindful and to check your thinking each day, or is this just your habit?

Deanna: Mostly, it is a habit. I do make a focused effort to express gratitude in my morning prayers. Often I ask if there’s anything that God wants me to do that day. I listen and write down just a couple of things. Sometimes they are obvious, sometimes not; they’re things that come to mind in that moment that feel inspired, such as to call a particular friend or to pay more attention to a particular child or to unpack something that I end up needing later … even just to catch up on dishes. Often, realizing that my mundane tasks are known and important to Him really changes my attitude about accomplishing them. Then, at the end of the day, I report back to God about what I did. I learn a lot from this process. I enjoy getting to be helpful in this way even if my efforts are small. I feel more joy when I am intentional about my priorities and involve God in my real day.

Mollie: Besides refocusing your thoughts, what are your other spiritual practices?

Deanna: I pray and read my scriptures every day. I try to do the work necessary to replenish and feed my spirit. Those things are vital for me to be able to keep my inner peace and stillness so that I can hear the positive influence around me and continue to feel hope. When I miss or get casual, I get cranky more easily. I can stew or worry about things and feel helpless. Those feelings don’t usually last very long, though. I get back on track as quickly as I can after I notice I’m falling off and I am an eternal optimist.

I Guess You Could Say That I’ve Always Been a Flinger (Fling Therapy, Part One)

I guess you could say that I’ve always been a flinger. I don’t sit around on my hopes like eggs waiting for them to hatch: I try stuff, and see what works. I massage them. I incubate them. I try prayer and meditation. When that doesn’t work, I start tapping on the shells. Eventually, I might throw them against the wall and watch them crack, and though I realize this isn’t progress, I feel better.

I fling. I’m a flinger. And when it comes to my problems, I fling even harder and with more conviction.

Depression isn’t an egg, of course. (Oh, how I wish it was.) Depression is a wall—one much stronger than I. Standing in front of it, though, I do what comes naturally. I pick up any tool nearby, and have at it. I make cracks. I wedge the cracks. I break the wedge. Then I try again. My efforts are formidable, but so far, they haven’t been enough. Since early childhood, depression has been part of my life–the “black dog” Churchill referred to, though in his case the dog came and went a lot whereas for me, the dog stays. It stayed through elementary school, when no one seemed to know anything was wrong with me, including myself. It stayed through middle and high school in spite of my self-diagnosis and plan for change. It stayed all the way through college and through my early relationship with my husband–times that should’ve been the best in my life. It stayed as my career matured and as my babies were born, and today, after years of medication and spiritual and physical effort, it is still with me. Relief has not been relief except by degrees, and mostly, I’m okay with that. Acceptance of my condition doesn’t seem to be my problem, exactly. A high degree of drivenness and a suspicion that the condition is curable might be.

The dog is just a dog. It’s familiar. It’s not crazy-making. It bothers me, but I can still function. At forty-one I realize that roughly half my life is over, and what I’ve done already I can do again. I’m strong. I have resources. I’m better by far than I used to be. But some people are good at taking their wins and taking a break. I am not.

Which is why I’m back at the wall, flinging even more. Working up a list of stuff I haven’t tried, or tried enough, and making preparations. In this book, I share my personal history of depression, but more interesting than that is the main storyline: everything I’m doing this year to treat the problem. Following my three other self-improvement memoirs that also use a one-year theme, Fling Therapy is the story of the year that I tried the hardest to overcome or further alleviate my depression. Some of the things I write about aren’t new to me: brisk walks, cognitive therapy, meditation. Others are: energy healing. A full counseling program. New medications. For a while I even quit coffee. There’s also a lot in here about something that still scares me a bit: psychedelics. Will I try them? If I do, will I write about it?

In addition to the journal, I share relevant research, a comprehensive-as-I-can-get-it list of depression treatments and several interviews with people who have had some success with their depression battles. My hope in writing this book was, of course, that my renewed efforts would yield significant, positive results. But I also wanted to highlight what I’ve already done that’s been helpful. Though as I said before I’ve had depression since childhood, for the past decade or so, I’ve been mostly well. Some might contend that this is mostly due to medication, and they wouldn’t be wrong, exactly; medicine works pretty well. But it’s not everything. Living well is the rest. And that is what I try to do every day.

My black dog–a heaviness in my chest–is always there. No one would mistake me for an ebullient person, but I’m stable, functional and grateful. The word that best describes me today is content, and that’s pretty good, though I’d prefer “at peace.” Eventually, I’d like to be truly happy some of the time, understanding that times of pain are important, too.

Overall, though, happiness isn’t what I seek. I used to say that I wanted bliss, but I don’t anymore. I just want to not be at least a bit depressed all the time. I want to be able to enjoy the things I’ve worked hard to obtain: my stable marriage, my happy kids, my fulfilling work, my beautiful home. I want to be able to sit the yard I care for, listening to my children play and feel … light. At peace. Not heavy, at least sometimes. If I can achieve that, it will be worth a good deal of flinging.

And hey–flinging is fun anyway. So much fun.

Fling Therapy: One Year of Throwing Everything I Can Think of at My Persistent Depression

I’m doing it again: setting aside of year of my life to work on a single self-improvement goal. Past goals have been more spiritually-focused, but this one is arguably even more important: I’m throwing every treatment I can find at my depression, and seeing what happens.

Medications. Exercise. Spiritual practice. Alternative healing methods. Therapy. And more. I’m attempting each, and writing about what helps, what doesn’t … and what might be of help to other people.

Between my month-by-month account, I offer an as-comprehensive-as-possible list of depression treatments. I share my research in the great hopes that others out there will find what works for them, even if it’s not what works for me.

Stay tuned to this blog for my series, Fling Therapy: One Year of Throwing Everything I Can Think of at My Persistent Depression.

Basic Grammar and Punctuation (The “School in a Book” Series)

Some of the rules of grammar and punctuation don’t need to be taught; instead, they’re inbued, like social skills. However, as with social skills, a little direct coaching goes a very long way. I’m sure I don’t need to remind you how much more educated you’ll seem when you don’t make embarrassing writing mistakes.

Basic Punctuation

The fourteen punctuation marks: Period, question mark, exclamation point, comma, semicolon, colon, apostrophe, dash/hyphen, en dash, em dash, brackets, braces, parentheses and ellipsis

Comma: Used to separate ideas within a sentence. Sometimes there’s no clear right or wrong way to use a comma. The serial comma is the comma sometimes used right before the “and” in a list, and most writers don’t use it anymore. Do use commas to set off parenthetic expressions and before other independent clauses.

Semicolon: Used to connect separate sentences, the second of which includes a restatement of the first. It is also used to separate words and phrases in long lists that already have commas in them. Example: I was sad; she hurt me on purpose. Example: I own: three black and yellow hats; one long, dark skirt; and one pair of shoes.

Colon: Used to introduce a quotation, explanation, example, or series. It is also used between sentences instead of a period to show that the second explains or adds directly to the first. Finally, colons can be used for emphasis. Example: I have four pairs of boots: one for rain, one for snow and two for fashion. Example: My sister is beautiful: she has dark hair and a great smile. Example: Yes, I have a best friend: my sister.

Dash/hyphen: Used to connect compound phrases. Example: Cold-water fish

En dash: Used to connect dates and more. It is largely a stylistic choice when to use it.

Em dash: Twice as long as an en dash and used in place of commas, colons, or parenthesis.

Brackets, braces and parentheses: Used to contain additional information that isn’t otherwise grammatically connected to the sentence. Example: My dog (who I love) is sweet as heck. Parenthesis are most common. Brackets are used for technical purposes or to clarify a quote. Example: He [Mr. Smith] is my friend. Braces ({}) are used to contain two or more lines of text or listed items to show that they are considered as a unit. Used mostly in mathematics and computer programming. Example: 2{1+[23-3]}=x.

Apostrophe: Used to indicate the omission of a letter or letters from a word, the possessive case, or the plurals of lowercase letters. Examples: I’ve; Sara’s.

Quotation marks: Used around quotations. Single quotation marks are used for quotes within quotes.

Ellipsis: Used to indicate that something is missing, the idea or list continues in the same way, or there was a pause in speech. They’re also used to end a quote if the actual quote did not end at the chosen ending.

Basic Grammar

The eight parts of speech: Noun, pronoun, verb, adjective, adverb, preposition, conjunction, and interjection

Noun: A person, place or thing. Proper nouns are capitalized and are the given name of someone or something in particular. Common (generic) nouns are not capitalized.

Pronoun: A small word used in place of a noun: she, he, they, we, them, it, I, you, etc. You may use they, them and their as the indefinite singular pronoun, but try to avoid this pronoun entirely.

Verb: An action word

Adjective: A word that describes a noun, like “pretty” or “smart”

Adverb: A word that describes a verb, like “slowly” or “carefully”

Article: The words a, an, and the. (These are also considered adjectives.)

Preposition: A word placed before a noun to form a phrase that, taken as a whole, modifies another word in the sentence. (This phrase is called the “prepositional phrase.”) The most common are in, with, by, for, at, in, on, out, to, under, within and without. Example: “With my dog as company, I can do anything.” Contrary to popular understanding, it’s okay to end a sentence in a preposition; however, choose the wording that is the most clear. “The building in which I live” and “The building I live in” are both correct, but “The building I live in is brown” is hard to read.

Conjunction: A word that joins words, phrases or clauses but are not part of a clause or prepositional phrase. The most common are and, but, therefore, however, so, for, or, nor, yet, since, while, and because. Coordinating conjunctions connect grammatically equal elements, while subordinating conjunctions connect clauses that are not equal (because, although, while, since, etc.). There are other types of conjunctions as well.Interjection: A word used to express emotion: oh, wow, ah, etc.

Sentence: A unit of writing consisting of a single main subject (someone or something that is doing something) and a single main action. (Caveat: If two complete sentences convey the same idea, a semicolon can be used to separate them and make up a single sentence.) Sentences may also include adverbs, adjectives, small words and clauses. The number of the subject of the sentence (whether it’s singular or plural) determines the number of the verb in the sentence. A clause should be placed directly after the noun or verb to which it refers. A participial phrase at the beginning of a sentence must refer to the grammatical subject.

Run-on sentence: Two or more sentences joined as one, without a period separating them

Loose sentence: A sentence that connects two different ideas with a conjunction like “and.” These give the paragraph some breathability and flow, but too many in a row are tiresome.

Sentence fragment: A sentence that is missing the subject, the verb, or both. “Aha!” is a sentence fragment, as is “Good question.”

Topic sentence: The sentence at the beginning of a paragraph that includes the main idea of the paragraph

Verb tense: The form of the verb that denotes the time of the action. It’s important to hold to one tense throughout a piece of writing.

The six verb tenses: Past, present, future, past perfect (“has eaten”), present perfect (“has been dancing”, and future perfect (“will have danced”).

Clause: A phrase that as a whole, modifies a verb or noun. Example: Running to meet her, I slipped.

Independent clause: A modifying sentence that, if desired, could stand alone

Helping verb: A verb that helps the main verb express the action. There are 23 or 24 in all: be, am, is, are, was, were, been, being, have, has, had, could, should, must, may, might, must, can, will, would, do, did, does, and (sometimes) having.

Suffix: A word ending that changes the word’s tense or meaning

Prefix: A word beginning that changes the word’s meaning

Other Recommended Resources: Older Kids and Adults (The ‘School in a Book’ Series)

Best Nonfiction for Older Children and Adults

When I was in school, nonfiction was textbooks. And the encyclopedia and the dictionary, too. What nobody told me is that there’s another kind of nonfiction out there. There’s the kind that’s actually fun to read.

Modern nonfiction is some of the most entertaining, well-written stuff you can find. (After all, if you want to make money writing about neuroscience, for example, you’d better make it relevant, understandable, and full of fascinating anecdotes, right?) It’s stimulating and informative, but that’s not all it is: it’s a road map for becoming a better person. Nonfiction can widen your perspective, give you wisdom, make you stronger . . . maybe even make you a happier person. Nonfiction helps us come up with new goals and ideas about what our lives can encompass–then takes our hands and helps us draw the circles.

With this in mind, here is my carefully curated list of what are, in my humble opinion, the best, most inspiring works of nonfiction in existence. To make the list, books must be:

  • Engaging;
  • Perspective-altering; and
  • Uniquely informative.

Though this list may seem overwhelmingly long, my promise to you is that I haven’t put anything on it that doesn’t truly deserve to be here. With some exceptions, these books aren’t stuffed with humdrum filler; they’re solid. And the exceptions are exceptions for a reason.

Also, they’re books I’ve actually read. Which is why this list is definitely a work in progress; I’m always reading awesome new stuff, and I’ll update this page regularly and tell you about it. (The permalink for this post is on my homepage.)

Note that the best of the best are marked with asterisks.

It’s such a great time to be a reader, isn’t it?

Excellent Textbooks and Reference Books

The Story of the World: History for the Classical Child, Susan Wise Bauer (four-part series)*
A good world history encyclopedia (either aimed at children or adults)*
History Year by Year: The History of the World, from the Stone Age to the Digital Age by DK Publishing
A good science encyclopedia
A good geography encyclopedia*
Travel guides as needed/desired*
The What Your Kindergartener Needs to Know series by E.D. Hirsch (through sixth grade)* (excellent resource for homeschoolers)
The Science Book: Big Ideas Simply Explained and the rest of this series*
How Science Works: The Facts Visually Explained (How Things Work) and the rest of this series*
Everything You Need to Ace World History in One Big Fat Notebook: The Complete Middle School Study Guide and the rest of the Big Fat Notebooks series by Workman Publishing*

Important Classic History and Philosophy Texts

The Holy Bible
The Koran
The Analects,
Confucius (551–479 BC)
Tao Te Ching, Lao Tze (c. 6th century BC)
The Art of War, Sun Tzu (late sixth century BC)
Selected writings of Plato (c. 428–347 BC)
Rhetoric,
Aristotle (384–322 BC)
De Republica
and other writings, Cicero (106–43 BC)
Lives of Noble Greeks and Romans, Plutarch (c. 46–120)
Enchiridion, Epictetus (c. 55–135)
The Confessions, Saint Augustine (354–430)
The Consolation of Philosophy, Boethius (c. 480–524)
Selected writings of Thomas Aquinas, Thomas Aquinas
The Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis (c. 1380–1471)
In Praise of Folly, Erasmus (1466–1536)
Novum Organum, Frances Bacon (1561–1626)
The Leviathan, Thomas Hobbes (1588–1679)
Meditations on First Philosophy, Rene Descartes (1596–1650)
Discourse on Method, Rene Descartes (1596–1650)
Essay Concerning Human Understanding, John Locke (1632–1704)
The Second Treatise of Government, John Locke (1632–1704)
The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin, Benjamin Franklin (1706–1790)
Rights of Man, Thomas Paine (1737–1809)
Common Sense, Thomas Paine (1737–1809)*
The Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano, Olaudah Equiano (c. 1745–1797)
Confessions of an English Opium-Eater, Thomas de Quincey (1785–1859)*
Narrative of Sojourner Truth, Sojourner Truth (1797–1883)*
Uncle Tom’s Cabin, Harriet Beecher Stowe (1811–1896)*
Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl, Harriet Jacobs (1813–1897)*
Walden, Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862)*
Other works by Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862)
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, An American Slave, Frederick Douglass (1818–1895)*
The Souls of Black Folks, W. E. B. DuBois (1868–1963)
Autobiography of an Ex-Colored Man, James Weldon Johnson (1871–1938)*
The Jungle, Upton Sinclair
The Constitution of the United States
The Gettysburg Address
The Magna Carta
The Diary of a Young Girl,
Anne Frank (1929-1945)*
Go Ask Alice, Anonymous*
The Story of My Life, Helen Keller (1880–1968)*
Roots,
Alex Haley*
In Cold Blood,
Truman Capote*
Autobiography of Malcom X,
Malcom X*
Mythology,
Edith Hamilton*
Black Boy, Richard Wright (1908–1960)*
Black Like Me, John Howard Griffin (1920–1980)*

Optional Advanced Classic History and Philosophy Texts

Selected writings of Buddha (c. 500–300 BC)
Selected writings of Herodotus (c. 484–425 BC)
Nichomachean Ethics, Aristotle (384–322 BC)
Wars of the Jews, Josephus (37–100)
Annals, Tacitus (c. 56–117)
The Early History of Rome, Livy (c. 64 BC–AD 17)
The Twelve Caesars, Suetonius (c. 69–after 122)
The Campaigns of Alexander, Arrian (c. 89–after 160)
On the Nature of Things, Lucretius (c. 99–55 BC)
Meditations, Marcus Aurelius (121–180)
The City of God, St. Augustine (354–430)
The Imitation of Christ, Thomas a Kempis (c. 1380–1471)
The Education of a Christian Prince, Erasmus (1466–1536)
Commentary on Galatians, Martin Luther (1483–1546)
The Freedom of a Christian, Martin Luther (1483–1546)
Institutes of the Christian Religion, John Calvin (1509–1564)
Selected writings of John Knox (c. 1513–1572)
The Life of Saint Teresa of Avila, Teresa of Avila (1515–1582)
The Interior Castle, St. Teresa of Avila (1515–1582)*
Dark Night of the Soul, St. John of the Cross (1542–1591)
The Defense of Poesy, Sir Philip Sidney (1554–1586)
The Diary of Samuel Pepys, Samuel Pepys (1633–1703)
Wonders of the Invisible World, Cotton Mather (1663–1728)
An Essay on Criticism, Alexander Pope (1688–1744)
An Essay on Man, Alexander Pope (1688–1744)
The Way to Wealth, Ben Franklin (1706-1790)
The Social Contract, Jean-Jacques Rousseau (1712–1778)
The Journal of John Woolman, John Woolman (1720–1772)
The Wealth of Nations, Adam Smith (1723–1790)
A Critique of Pure Reason, Immanuel Kant (1724–1804)
On American Taxation, Edmund Burke (1729–1797)
Life of Johnson, James Boswell (1740–1795)
Memoir, Correspondence and Misc., Thomas Jefferson (1743–1826)
The Federalist, Alexander Hamilton (1755–1804)
The Memoirs of Victor Hugo, Victor Hugo (1802–1885)
Democracy in America, Alexis de Tocqueville (1805–1859)
On Liberty, John Stuart Mill (1806–1873)*
A Child’s History of England, Charles Dickens (1812–1870)
For Self-Examination, Soren Kierkegaard (1813–1855)
The Communist Manifesto, Karl Marx (1818–1883)
The Education of Henry Adams, Henry Adams (1838–1918)
Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Frederich Nietzsche (1844–1900)
Beyond Good and Evil, Frederich Nietzsche (1844–1900)
An Autobiography, Annie Besant (1847–1933)
Civilization and Its Discontents, Sigmund Freud (1856–1939)
The Ego and the Id, Sigmund Freud (1856–1939)
The Interpretation of Dreams, Sigmund Freud (1856–1939)
Mein Kampf, Adolf Hitler
Notes on Nursing, Florence Nightingale
The Ecclesiastical History, Adam Bede
The Naked and the Dead, Norman Mailer

Other Recommended History, Geography and Philosophy Books

Diary of Anne Frank, Anne Frank*
Roots,
Alex Haley*
In Cold Blood,
Truman Capote*
Autobiography of Malcom X,
Malcom X*
The Power of One,
Bryce Courtenay
Citizen Soldiers,
Stephen E. Ambrose
Alexander of Macedon,
Peter Green
The Devil’s Triangle, Richard Winer
Treblinka, Jean-Francois Steiner
The War Magician, David Fisher
Is Paris Burning?, Larry Collins and Dominique Lapierre
An American Life, Ronald Reagan
Plain Speaking, Merle Miller
Lies My Teacher Told Me, James W. Loewen
Twelve Great Philosophers, Wayne Pomerleau
Mythology, Edith Hamilton*
Aku-Aku, Thor Heyerdahl
1776, David McCullough
The Bridge at Chappaquiddick, Jack Olsen
The Night of the Grizzlies, Jack Olsen
Enola Gay, Gordon Thomas and Max Morgan Witts
Ghost Train to the Eastern Star, Paul Theroux
The Road to Little Dribbling, Bill Bryson
Don’t Know Much About History, Kenneth Davis*
Bomb, Steve Sheinkin
Cyberpunk, Katie Hafner
How the Web Was Won, Paul Andrews
The Hundred Year Diet, Susan Yager
Inside the Third Reich, Albert Speer
Citizen Soldiers, Stephen E. Ambrose
Miracle at Philadelphia, Catherine Drinker Bower*
Black Boy, Richard Wright (1908–1960)*
Black Like Me, John Howard Griffin (1920–1980)*
The Naked and the Dead, Norman Mailer

Best Science Books

A good science encyclopedia for children*
A Brief History of Time, Stephen Hawking*
The Particle at the Edge of the Universe, Sean Carroll*
The Pleasure of Finding Things Out, Richard Feynman*
The Meaning of It All, Richard Feynman*
The Fabric of the Cosmos, Brian Greene*
Origin of the Species, Charles Darwin (1809–1882)
Zoobiquity, Barbara Natterson-Horowitz
Bonk, Mary Roach
Spook, Mary Roach
Endurance,
Scott Kelly
Being Mortal,
Arul Gawande*
Fast Food Nation, Eric Schlosser
Genome,
Matt Ridley
Gulp!, Mary Roach
Biocentrism: How Life and Consciousness are the Keys to Understanding the True Nature of the Universe,
Robert Lanza and Bob Berman*
Fringe-ology: How I Tried to Explain Away the Unexplainable–and Couldn’t, Steve Volk

Best Politics and Economics Books

Freakonomics, Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
Superfreakonomics, Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner
Capitalism and other books by Ayn Rand, Ayn Rand
Discover Your Inner Economist, Tyler Cowen
Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert T. Kiyosaki*
The Four-Hour Work Week, Timothy Ferriss
God and Man at Yale, William F. Buckley

Best Psychology and Sociology Books

The Disappearance of Childhood, Neil Postman
Amusing Ourselves to Death, Neil Postman*
The Plug-In Drug, Marie Winn
Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher
The War Against Boys, Christina Hoff Summers
Escape From Freedom, Erich Fromm
The Power of Habit, Charles Duhigg*
Switch, Chip Heath and Dan Heath*
Made to Stick, Chip and Dan Heath*
How We Decide, Jonah Lehrer
Decisive, Chip Heath and Dan Heath
What the Dog Saw and Other Adventures, Malcom Gladwell
David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, Malcom Gladwell
Other books by Malcom Gladwell
The Feeling Good Handbook, Kenneth Burns*
The Consuming Instinct, Gad Saad
The Upside of Irrationality: The Unexpected Benefits of Defying Logic at Work and at Home, Dan Ariely
Irrationally Yours, Dan Ariely
Dressing Your Truth: Discover Your Type of Beauty, Carol Tuttle*
Authentic Happiness, Martin Seligman
Learned Optimism, Martin Seligman
Flourish, Martin Seligman*
Flow, Mihaly Csikszentmivaly*
The Science of Happiness, Stefan Klein
The How of Happiness, Sonja Lyubomirsky
Happiness: The Science Behind Your Smile, Daniel Nettle
Happiness: Lessons from a New Science, Richard Layard
Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth, Ed Diener & Robert Biswas-Diener
Happiness, Ed Diener
The Happiness Equation, Neil Pasricha*
Engineering Happiness, Manel Baucells and Rakesh Sarin*
The Happiness Advantage, Shawn Achor
What Makes Your Brain Happy and Why You Should Do the Opposite, David DiSalvo
The Inner Game of Work, W. Timothy Gallway*
The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz
Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking, Malcom Gladwell*
The Progress Paradox, Gregg Easterbrook
The Mindful Brain, Daniel Siegel
The Hidden Brain, Shankar Vedantarn
Daring Greatly and other books by Brené Brown, Brené Brown
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, Andrew Solomon*
Molecules of Emotion: Why You Feel the Way You Feel, Candace Pert*
Everything You Need to Know to Feel Go(o)d, Candace Pert
A Field Guide to Lucid Dreaming, Dylan Tuccillo, Jared Zeizel and Thomas Peisel

Best Diet and Health Books

The Diet Alternative, Diane Hampton
French Women Don’t Get Fat, Mireille Guiliano
The Omnivore’s Dilemma, Michael Pollan
Food Rules, Michael Pollan
Good Calories, Bad Calories, Gary Taubes
Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It, Gary Taubes
Neanderthin, Ray Audette
Overcoming Emotional Eating and other books by Geneen Roth, Geneen Roth
Intuitive Eating, Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch
How to Make Almost Any Diet Work, Anne Katherine
Fasting and Eating for Health, Joel Fuhrman
How I Gave Up My Low-Fat Diet and Lost 40 Pounds, Dana Carpender
The Diet Cure, Julia Ross

Best Writing Books

The Elements of Style, William Strunk, Jr. and E.B. White
Spunk & Bite, Arthur Plotnik
Hey, Whipple, Squeeze This, Luke Sullivan
A Whack On the Side of the Head, Roger von Oech
Plot and Structure, James Scott Bell
On Writing, Steven King
Save the Cat!, Blake Snyder
The War of Art, Steven Pressfield
The Writer’s Journey, Christopher Vogler
Writing the Breakout Novel, Donald Maas
The Fire in Fiction, Donald Maas
How Fiction Works, James Wood
Writing Irresistible Kidlit, Mary Kole
Aspects of the Novel, E.M. Forster
Manuscript Makeover, Elizabeth Hyon
Your Life Is A Book, Brenda Peterson and Sarah Jane Freymann
Hooked, Leslie Edgerton
Good Prose, Tracy Kidder
Sick in the Head, Judd Apatow
The Memoir Project, Marion Roach Smith

Best Education Books

The Well-Trained Mind, Susan Wise Bauer*
The Well-Educated Mind, Susan Wise Bauer*
How Children Fail, John Holt*
How Children Learn, John Holt
Learning All the Time, John Holt
Instead of Education, John Holt
The Art of Learning, Josh Waitzkin*
Punished by Rewards, Alfie Kohn*
The Homework Myth, Alfie Kohn
No Contest, Alfie Kohn
Einstein Never Used Flash Cards, Roberta Michnick Golinkoff and Kathy Hirsh-Pasek
Books Children Love, Elizabeth L. Wilson
Study Is Hard Work, William H. Armstrong
In Their Own Way, Thomas Armstrong
Seven Kinds of Smart, Thomas Armstrong*
Unschooling Rules, Clark Aldrich
Un-Jobbing, Michael Fogler
The Unschooling Handbook, Mary Griffith
The Mismeasure of Man, Stephen Jay Gould

Best Marketing Books

Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, Robert Cialdini*
Never Eat Alone, Keith Ferrazzi*
What Would Google Do?, Jeff Jarvis*
Viral Loop, Adam L. Peneberg
The Whuffie Factor, Tara Hunt
The Long Tail, Chris Anderson*
Trust Agents, Chris Brogan*
Get Slightly Famous, Steven Von Yoder
Delivering Happiness, Tony Hsich
Whacha Gonna Do With That Duck?, Seth Godin
Linchpin, Seth Godin
Other books by Seth Godin
Outliers: The Story of Success, Malcom Gladwell
Grapevine, Dave Balter and John Butman

Best Relationships Books

His Needs, Her Needs, Willard F. Harley, Jr.*
Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, John Gray*
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and other books by John Gottman, John Gottman*
Love Is Never Enough, Aaron Beck*
The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, Shaunti Feldhahn
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, Dr. Laura Schlessinger
For Better, Tara Parker-Pope
A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle*
I Need Your Love – Is That True?: How to Stop Seeking Love, Approval, and Appreciation and Start Finding Them, Byron Katie and Michael Katz*

Best Parenting Books

Between Parents and Child, Haim G. Ginott
Liberated Parents, Liberated Children, Adele Faber
Siblings Without Rivalry, Adele Faber
Parenting with Dignity, Mac Bledsoe
Parenting with Love and Logic, Foster Cline
The Child Whisperer, Carol Tuttle
If I Have to Tell You One More Time, Amy McCready
Last Child in the Woods, Richard Louv
The Case for Make-Believe, Susan Linn
Unconditional Parenting, Alfie Kohn
Punished by Rewards, Alfie Kohn
Brain Rules for Baby, John Medina
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, John Mordechai
Attachment Parenting, Katie Allison Granju
The Baby Book, Barry Sears
The Discipline Book, Barry Sears
Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids, Bryan Douglas Caplan
Home Grown,
Ben Hewitt
Nurture Shock, Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman
Raising Your Spirited Child, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Oh, Crap! Potty Training, Jamie Glowaki

Best Memoirs

The Story of My Life, Helen KellerA Stolen Life, Jaycee Dugard
A House in the Sky, Amanda Lindhout
Into the Wild, John Krakauer
Wild, Cheryl Strayed
The Two Kinds of Decay, Sarah Manguso
Primates of Park Avenue, Wednesday Martin
Jay J. Armes, Investigator, Jay J. Armes and Fredrick Nolan
Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs, Chuck Klostermann
Klostermann II, Chuck Klostermann
Fargo Rock City, Chuck Klosterman
Killing Yourself to Live, Chuck Klosterman
Eating the Dinosaur, Chuck Klosterman
An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination, Elizabeth McCracken
How Starbucks Saved My Life, Michael Gill
Found, Jennifer Lauck
It Was Me All Along, Andie Mitchell
Let’s Take the Long Way Home,
Bossypants, Tina Fey
Girl in a Band, Kim Gordon
What I Talk About When I Talk About Running, Haruki Murakami
Sex Object, Jessica Valenti
They Left Us Everything, Plum Johnson
In Memory of Bread,
Ordinary Light,
Passage, Connie Willis
Glitter and Glue, Kelly Corrigan
The Middle Place, Kelly Corrigan
Lift, Kelly Corrigan
Dying, Cory Taylor
The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin
When Breath Becomes Air, Paul Kalanithi
The Rules Do Not Apply, Ariel Levy
Hunger, Roxane Gay
What Comes Next and How to Like It, Abigail Thomas
The Seven Good Years, Etgar Keret
The Sound of a Wild Snail Eating, Elisabeth Tova Bailey
The Chronology of Water, Lidia Yuknavitch
My Glory Was I Had Such Friends, Amy Silverstein
Flat Broke With Two Goats, Jennifer McGaha
Fifty Acres and a Poodle, Jeanne Marie Laskas
Fifty Years in Polygamy, Kristyn Decker
Why I Left the Amish, Saloma Miller Furlong
Cult Child, Vennie Kocsis
Favorite Wife, Susan Schmidt
“It’s Not About the Sex” My Ass, Joanne Hanks and Steve Cuno
Banished,
Growing Up Amish, Ira Wagler
Educated, Tara Westover
Cult Insanity,
Go Ask Alice, Anonymous
Straight Pepper Diet, Joseph W. Naus
Coming Clean
Fall to Pieces,
Mary Forsberg Weiland
Girl Walks Out of A Bar, Lisa Smith
Manic, Terri Cheney
Madness, Marya Hornbacher
Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me, Chelsea Handler
My Horizontal Life, Chelsea Handler
Official Book Club Selection, Kathy Griffin
I Regret Nothing, Jen Lancaster
MWF Seeking BFF, Rachel Bersche
Jennifer, Gwyneth and Me, Rachel Bersche
A Queer and Pleasant Danger, Kate Bornstein
What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding, Kristin Newman
A Backpack, a Bear, and Eight Crates of Vodka, Lev Golinkin
Eating Ice Cream With My Dog, Frances Kuffel
A Year of No Sugar, Eve O. Schaub
It Was Food vs. Me-And I Won, Nancy Goodman
Massive, Julia Bell
The Taming of the Chew, Denise Lamothe
Hungry, Allen Zadoff
The Good Eater, Ron Saxen
The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life, Wendy Shanker
Locked Up for Eating Too Much, Debbie Danowski
Full, Kimber Simpkins
Learning to Eat Along the Way, Margaret Bendet
Dying to Be Me, Anita Moorjani
Autobiography of a Yogi, Paramahansa Yogananda
The Search For Grace: A Documented Case of Murder and Reincarnation, Bruce Goldberg
Zero Limits: The Secret Hawaiian System for Wealth, Health, Peace, and More, Joe Vitale
Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert
Many Lives, Many Masters: The True Story of a Prominent Psychiatrist, His Young Patient, and the Past-Life Therapy That Changed Both Their Lives, Brian Weiss
Ten Percent Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works–A True Story, Dan Harris
A Severe Mercy, Sheldon Vanauken
The Practice of the Presence of God, Brother Lawrence

Best How-To and Miscellaneous Books

How to Read a Book by Mortimer Adler
The Joy of Cooking, Irma S. Rombauer and Marior Rombauer Becker
The Story of the Incredible Orchestra, Bruce Koscielniak
The Nourishing Homestead, Ben Hewitt
The Miracle of Mindfulness: An Introduction to the Practice of Meditation, Thich Nhat Hanh
Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life, Byron Katie and Stephen Mitchell
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, Eckhart Tolle
Who Would You Be Without Your Story?: Dialogues with Byron Katie, Byron Katie
A Mind at Home With Itself, Byron Katie
A Thousand Names for Joy, Byron Katie
Conversations with God, Parts One through Three, Neale Donald Walsch
Whatever Arises, Love That, Matt Kahn
The Shack, William Young

*You can also review my Best Spirituality Books list here.

Best Documentaries, Websites, Podcasts and Shows for Older Children and Adults

Here’s my documentary philosophy in a nutshell: it’s far more important that you regularly watch documentaries than it is which documentaries you watch. The reason is twofold: first, documentaries are, by nature, mini adventures. They’re excursions into an unknown place in which you might not even be able to guess what’s around the corner. If you choose a documentary based on the importance of the subject matter, you lose this element of the unknown.

The second reason is that no matter the subject, documentaries expand your mind. They increase your knowledge of politics, economics, history and psychology, and along with these, your mental flexibility and creativity. After I watched Being Elmo, I wondered what other art forms are currently underappreciated and what might be done with them in the future. After I watched The Staircase I considered the snowball effect that often happens when the desire to be right trumps the desire to know the truth.

In short: documentaries make you smarter. They do. Even if you’re just learning about puppets.

There’s a third reason to watch documentaries, too, I suppose: they get us talking, leading to some top-notch conversations with friends and family.

The following list of documentaries, then, is merely a suggested starting point. My advice is to watch any documentaries you can find that interest you–any, and every, and all.

By the way, IMDB has a few great top-100 lists for documentaries, and many more for other film categories. When looking for something to watch, don’t peruse Netflix; find stuff on there first instead.

A final note: this list is a work in progress. Check back for updates anytime. (There’s a link to this series, School in a Book, on mollieplayer.com.)

Best Educational Documentaries and Shows

Planet Earth*
Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey*
Through the Wormhole*
America: The Story of Us*
American Experience*
Food, Inc.
King Corn
The Future of Food
Food Matters
Ken Burns: America
American Masters
The Thin Blue Line (1988)
A Brief History of Time (1991)
The Civil War (1990)
Guns, Germs, and Steel (2005– )

The Arrival of a Train (1896)
In the Land of the Head Hunters (1914)
Nanook of the North (1922)
Berlin: Symphony of a Great City (1927)
Man with a Movie Camera (1929)
Las Hurdes (1933)
The Plow That Broke the Plains (1936)
Night Mail (1936)
Triumph of the Will (1935)
Night and Fog (1956)
Primary (1960)
Empire (1964)
The Sorrow and the Pity (1969)
Jaguar (1968)
Titicut Follies (1967)
The Hour of the Furnaces (1968)
Harlan County U.S.A. (1976)
The Atomic Cafe (1982)
Babies (2010)
Black Gold (2006)
Born Into Brothels: Calcutta’s Red Light Kids (2004)
Bowling for Columbine (2002)
Broken Rainbow (1985)
Buena Vista Social Club (1999)
Capitalism: A Love Story (2009)
Capturing Reality: The Art of Documentary (2008)
Capturing the Friedmans (2003)
The Celluloid Closet (1995)
Crumb (1994)
Devil’s Playground (2002)
Bob Dylan: Don’t Look Back (1967)
Earth (2007)
500 Nations (1995)
500 Years Later (2005)
The Fog of War: Eleven Lessons from the Life of Robert S. McNamara (2003)
Freakonomics (2010)
GasLand (2010)
Gates of Heaven (1978)
Gaza Strip (2002)
Ghosts of Cité Soleil (2006)
The Gleaners & I (2000)
Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson (2008)
Good Hair (2009)
Grizzly Man (2005)
Hell House (2001)
Hitler: A Film from Germany (1977)
Hoop Dreams (1994)
How Bruce Lee Changed the World (2009 TV Movie)
Human Planet (2011)
An Inconvenient Truth (2006)
Inside Deep Throat (2005)
Invisible Children (2006)
I.O.U.S.A. (2008)
Jesus Camp (2006)
Koyaanisqatsi (1982)
Lake of Fire (2006)
Life and Debt (2001)
Mad Hot Ballroom (2005)
Man on Wire (2008)
March of the Penguins (2005)
Matthew Barney: No Restraint (2006)
Microcosmos (1996)
Mojados: Through the Night (2004)
Murderball (2005)
No End in Sight (2007)
Paper Clips (2004)
Paragraph 175 (2000)
Paris Is Burning (1990)
Powaqqatsi (1988)
Restrepo (2010)
Religulous (2008)
Rivers and Tides: Andy Goldsworthy Working with Time (2001)
Rize (2005)
Salesman (1969)
Sans Soleil (1983)
Scared Straight! (1978)
Shoah (1985)
Sicko (2007)
The Silent World (1956)
Spellbound (2002)
Stop Making Sense (1984)
Super Size Me (2004)
This Film Is Not Yet Rated (2006)
This Is It (2009)
The Times of Harvey Milk (1984)
Trekkies (1997)
Touching the Void (2003)
Waiting for ‘Superman’ (2010)
Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price (2005)
War Dance (2007)
The War Game (1965 TV Movie)
Wasteland (2010)
Wheel of Time (2003)
When the Levees Broke: A Requiem in Four Acts (2006–2007)

How It’s Made
Myth Busters
Drive Thru History
Timeshift
The Most Extreme
How the States Got Their Shapes
Worst Case Scenario
Ancient Discoveries
Chasing Mummies
Steven Hawking’s SciFi Masters
The Adventures of Captain Hartz
The Unknown War
Castle Secrets and Legends
Get Schooled
Super Structures of the World
United Stats of America
Joseph Campbell: Myths
Travel with Kids
The Rachel Divide
Amanda Knox
Searching for Sugar Man
Going Clear
Paradise Lost
Cave of Forgotten Dreams
Life Itself
The Wolfpack
Amy
Room 237
Grey Gardens
Undefeated
How to Survive a Plague
Abacus
Jiro Dreams of Sushi*
Blackfish
The Act of Killing
Icarus
13th
What Happened, Miss Simone?
Casting Jonbenet
20 Feet from Stardom
Strong Island
The Look of Silence
Exit Through the Gift Shop
Citizen Four
The Cove
Faces Places
The Staircase
The Keepers
Herb & Dorothy
Iris
Sour Grapes
Bisbee ’17
Did You Wonder Who Fired The Gun?
Free Solo
Hale County This Morning, This Evening
The Last Race
Minding the Gap
Shirkers
306 Hollywood
Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
Three Identical Strangers
McQueen
Momentum Generation
Breakthrough

Best Educational Websites

TED talks*
Wikipedia

Best Educational Podcasts

Revisionist History with Malcom Gladwell
Invisibilia by NPR
Maven Interviews
Where Should We Begin

Other Recommended Resources: Children’s

Honestly, there aren’t as many awesome educational shows for kids as I would prefer. A few are pretty outdated, and many are a bit frenetic in pace and tone (over-stimulation can desensitize kids to the pleasures of reading and quiet play), or simply not as educational as advertised. For this list, then, I looked for the exceptions to these limitations: the shows that are informative and calm but engaging, too.

Note that this list doesn’t include classic films for children, which you can find elsewhere in this series.

The best of these resources are marked with asterisks.

Best Children’s Nonfiction Books

The Sir Cumference math series, including Sir Cumference and the First Round Table, Sir Cumference and the Viking’s Map and more, Cindy Neuschwander
The Baby University series, including General Relativity for Babies, Newtonian Physics for Babies and more, Chris Ferrie
The Baby Loves Science series, including Baby Loves Quantum Physics, Baby Loves Aerospace Engineering and more, Ruth Spiro
The Life of Fred math series, Stanley Schmidt
The Story of the World series, Susan Wise Bauer
The What Every Kindergartner Needs to Know series (through grade five), E.D. Hirsch

Best Educational Documentaries and Shows for Children

Tumble Leaf*
The Magic Schoolbus*
Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood*
Peg + Cat*
Reading Rainbow (original version)*
Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood
Wishbone
Zoom
Beakman’s World
Destination Truth
Wild Krats
Bill Nye the Science Guy
Odd Squad
Electric Company (updated version)
Earth to Luna
Cyberchase
Word Girl
Animal Atlas
Design Squad Nation
Xploration Outer Space
Beakman’s World
Jaques Cousteau’s Ocean Tales
Scigirls
Where on Earth is Carmen Sandiego
Xploration Awesome Planet
Brain Games
Genius by Steven Hawking
Get the Math

Best Educational Websites for Children

The free online video series by the Khan Academy*
National Geographic Kids (YouTube series)

Best Educational Podcasts for Children

But Why*
Tumble*
The Past and the Curious*
Elderberry Tales*
Pants on Fire
What If World

Basic Film Studies: Classic Children’s Films

I know I’m not the only one who just can’t stand the thought of my kids missing out on the movies that meant so much to me. Besides, who wouldn’t want to snuggle up to their littles and watch Anne of Green Gables again from a new, savvier perspective? (In case you’re wondering, thirty years later, that movie didn’t disappoint at all.)

Classic Children’s Films

Wizard of Oz
Return to Oz
Alice in Wonderland
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Labyrinth
The Neverending Story
Goonies
The Karate Kid
Star Wars: A New Hope
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (original version)
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (new version)
Ghostbusters (original version)
The Muppet Movie (original version)
The Lord of the Rings series
The Chronicles of Narnia series
The Harry Potter series
The Anne of Green Gables Series
The Anne of Avonlea Series
Bambi
Sleeping Beauty
Beauty and the Beast
Lion King
Cinderella
Aladdin
Little Mermaid
Beauty and the Beast
Snow White
Pinocchio
Dumbo
The Sound of Music
The Parent Trap (original version)
Swiss Family Robinson
Charlotte’s Web
Lilo and Stitch
Benji
Old Yeller
Winnie the Pooh
Hugo
The Red Balloon
The Jungle Book
Pippi Longstocking
The Adventures of Milo and Otis
Totoro
Grave of the Fireflies
Spirited Away
Finding Nemo
Frozen
Moana
Babe
Freaky Friday
Big
Home Alone
Home Alone 2
Matilda
The Incredibles
How to Train Your Dragon
Wall-E
The Sandlot
Enchanted
The Iron Giant
Tangled
A Little Princess
Escape to Witch Mountain
Pete’s Dragon

A Christmas Carol
Miracle on 34th Street
A Christmas Story
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
A Charlie Brown Christmas
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Frosty the Snowman
The Muppet Christmas Carol

Author news: New, improved “Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby” will soon be published by Creativia

This summer, I signed a contract with Creativia, an excellent small publisher who is taking on Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby. Working with them has been an awesome experience so far, and guess what? There’s an audiobook version in the works, too. Stay tuned for details on how to get your new, improved version of the book.

Much love,

Mollie

Self-Help Interview: “How Do You Know Which Opportunities to Pursue?”

Recently, I enjoyed an email exchange with my friend and fellow spirituality blogger Evan Griffith, a person who thinks deeply and is deeply . . . alive. Just the kind of person I like having around, in other words. I needed some advice about when to say “yes” and when to say “maybe later.” Here is what he generously offered.

Mollie: I am having a hard time deciding which opportunities are yeses and which are nos. Some are a clear yes or no, while others are just things that come up and either sound good or don’t.

First question: Do I only do the things I have a clear yes or no about? Pray about everything and be ruthless about waiting for a clear yes before moving forward?

Evan: You get to the pithy heart of things, man.

My inclination is to tell you to only engage in the clear yeses.

I say this partly because of what I know of your life, and partly because you need to keep creating books, putting work out there. Only say yes to powerful projects that keenly interest you–and keep diving deep into your self challenges, sharing them with all of us.

Mollie: Second question: If I do decide to only go with the clear yeses, how do I locate new opportunities? Do I seek them out or do I just wait and let them come if they come? I have always thought it was a recipe for mediocrity and small-mindedness to not search and explore; it really, really limits what you are able to do with your life to just the things that, for example, a suburban mom runs across. There’s a whole world of stuff to do, and sometimes I have a nagging suspicion that I’m not doing as much as I could. On the other hand, I have a friend who is never seeking out the next big thing and she is very, very happy and very Zen. Desire is bad, remember? Buddhism? Byron Katie also says she never plans anything, really. She makes day-by-day plans and if they happen, great, and if they don’t, then that’s fine, too.

Evan: My take is that 1) you stay ready to seize new opportunities that you search out, while also 2) not expending a great deal of energy to do so.

Here’s how that might look: You challenge yourself to take on a project that expands you, one that is fully within your personal mission but also stretches your boundaries a bit. In this way you are continuing to create your life’s work–AND at the same time making connections beyond your immediate community. This allows you to reach out and Zen it, too. You can reach out as much or as little as each week allows.

P.S.: I’m in the camp who believes desire is good–that it’s only negative when you attach too strongly to any one particular path. Abraham Hicks/law of attraction ideas are to me a contemporary restating of the Tao– finding the path of least effort to what is most meaningful. This way you get to have desires and soul surf your way there–or to an approximation of there–or even somewhere you didn’t know was there until your soul surfing toward the original there took you there . . .

Mollie: Extra credit question: What about when I felt something was a clear yes, but then it didn’t turn out well at all? Was I wrong?

I often wonder about that, too. There are times when my clear yes worked out swimmingly, and there have been yes pathways taken that seemed to bear no fruit–or worse, sucked!

I don’t have an answer. Except in the sense of kaizen: continuous small changes or improvements toward a goal. In my understanding of kaizen, every undertaking leads you to greater understanding of what works and what doesn’t, what’s right for you and what isn’t. This clarity leads you to better experiments, better improvements, other small changes that can be made toward your ultimate goal. 

I would add that enjoying this process like a scientist, where no answer is good or bad but simply an enlightening answer that allows for further inquiry, is the ultimate spiritual mode of living.

Evan Griffith

Science Overview (The ‘School in a Book’ Series)

Like most other subjects, science is best learned through conversation. Experiments are great, too, but they’re not always necessary. If like me you have little kids who can’t yet handle close proximity to anything magnetic, explosive or filled with water, choose a few scientific concepts to talk about per day, and send the older kid to a fun science class. (Video demonstrations are great, too.)

That said, if you can manage it, there’s a huge number of great science project ideas out there, and hands-on stuff is definitely a great memory aid.

For excellent science textbooks, references and pleasure reading, see my list Comprehensive Reading List: Nonfiction.

Essential Science Projects

Treasure collecting from nature
Growing plants
Building science-related structures and models with mixed media
Building science-related structures and models with Lego (such as solar system models, lifelike animal and vehicle replicas, etc.)
Block building
Train set building
Playing with magnets
Breaking open and identifying rocks
Building circuits
Taking nighttime walks
Watching astronomical events (like a lunar eclipse, shooting stars or the Aurora Borealis)
Using a telescope and a microscope
Attempting to decompose various man-made and organic materials in bags (to compare rates of decomposition)
Making homemade environmentally friendly house cleaners (using borax, lemon juice, baking soda, vinegar and more)
Growing crystals
Using a compass
Making a water filter with sand, rocks, clay and charcoal
Making a model of our solar system
Making a balloon rocket
Making a volcano using baking soda and vinegar
Making a bottle submarine
Making invisible ink
Hunting for fossils
Making a rainbow
Making and testing a hypothesis and using the scientific method
Reading a map
Identifying the four directions
Identifying plants, animals, climate type, time zone, seasonal changes in local area
Understanding world time zones
Choosing many other science projects from science books

History Overview (The ‘School in a Book’ Series)

There is no shortage of historical timelines on the Internet. Here’s why I created my own: I wanted a timeline that read more like a continuous story than a list of separate occurrences, and I wanted to limit the number of dates to the most important. In other words, I wanted a brief timeline that my kids and I would actually remember.

Whenever possible, I chunked events into centuries or groups of centuries, which I believe greatly aids in memorization. While knowing a large number of specific dates is usually not vital to one’s understanding of the unfolding of world events, I do want my kids to be able to recall at all times the century in which an important event before 1800 took place, and the decade in which an important event since then took place.

Here is what I created from The Kingfisher History Encyclopedia, The Story of the World series by Susan Wise Bauer, The Timetables of History by Bernard Grun, Factmonster.com and one or two other sources. It (almost) goes without saying that excellent history texts that weave characterization, suspense and detail into these awesome occurrences, such as the ones I recommend in the nonfiction reading section of this text, is absolutely vital to an appreciation for the beauty and educational importance of history.

History questions for discussion:

What are some of the things that all cultures of history shared in common?

What are some of the reasons towns and civilizations spring up independently in so many different parts of the world within a few hundred years of each other?

Are there any good civilizations in history?

Are there any bad ones?

Are there some countries that are more moral than others?

What are the main reasons nations and states initiated warfare?

Why did smaller tribes wage war?

Why did larger civilizations wage war?

How was history influenced by the growth of the human brain?

What are some examples of religious wars?

To what extent were they motivated by the spread of religious ideas and the quashing of other religious ideas and to what extent were they motivated by other desires or needs?

Why did safe, prosperous nations, like Rome, continuously try to grow larger?

Was this a wise strategy?

What are some of the historical reasons for poverty?

History isn’t hard. It’s just stories. Lots of stories. And remembering dates and names is important, too. One of the main reasons I made my history timelines is that when you’ve committed certain important dates to memory, they anchor you to new information you gain throughout your life.

Don’t be afraid of dates. Dates are awesome.

Basic Religion and Spirituality (The ‘School in a Book’ Series)

Spirituality feels complicated: cultural, nuanced. And it is. I understand that. But the basic tenets of the major world religions are actually fairly straightforward, and it is these that I seek to present here. Please note that this treatment is highly simplified and does not represent all adherents of the given faith. Other religions with over one million adherents that aren’t discussed here include Falun Gong (a 20th-century Chinese religion similar to Buddhism that incorporates meditation and qigong exercises), Sikhism (a 15th-century Indian religion that follows the teaching of Sikh gurus and rejects religious certainty), Korean shamanism, Caodaism, Bahá’í Faith (a nineteenth-century Middle Eastern religion that seeks to unify all world religions), Tenriism, Jainism, Cheondoism, and Hoahaoism.

Christianity Knowledge Checklist

Rank: Number one. Christianity is the world’s most populous religion.

Holy book(s): The Bible. The Catholic Christian version of the Bible includes additional sections, and Mormons have an additional holy book called The Book of Mormon.

Concept of God: There is one all-knowing, all-loving, everywhere-present, all-powerful, gender-neutral God, who created the universe.

Notion of life after death: Salvation–that is, eternal life in a place of bliss called Heaven–comes to those who profess faith in Jesus Christ and repent of their sins. Others go to Hell after death.

Other basic tenets: Humans are sinful and in need of redemption. Jesus Christ, the sinless son of God, came to Earth to preach faith in Him and to offer himself as a sacrifice for the sin of the world. In addition to faith, Christians should practice love, charity, self-sacrifice, humility, morality, prayer, Bible reading, sexual abstinence prior to marriage and monogomy thereafter, and other good works.

Origins: Christianity began with the life of Jesus Christ, who lived in the first century AD in the Middle East. His followers spread the faith widely over the following several centuries. From these early Christians, Catholicism developed, which appointed a Pope as its leader. Then Orthodoxy and Protestantism split off from Catholicism, in that order. Protestants divided into many different sects, including Methodist, Anglican and Lutheran Christianity. Later, Mormonism split off from Protestant Christianity with even greater changes.

Islam Knowledge Checklist

Rank: Number two

Holy book(s): The Quran, which is the verbatim word of God revealed to the prophet Muhammad, plus the sunnah, the other teachings of Muhammad, and the hadith, the record of Muhammad’s life.

Concept of God: There is one God, with Muhammad as the messenger of God. God is merciful and all-powerful.

Notion of life after death: Muslims go to a blissful Heaven, and non-Muslims go to a place of eternal punishment.

Other basic tenets: Islam is the final expression of a faith that pre-existed and was partially revealed through Adam, Abraham, and Jesus. Therefore, it is considered an Abrahamic faith like Judaism and Christianity. Muslims must practice the five pillars of the faith, which include (1) recitation of the creed, (2) daily prayers, (3) almsgiving, (4) fasting during Ramadan and (5) making a pilgrimage to Mecca at least once in a lifetime. They also must follow sharia law, which is more specific and lengthy and includes guidelines on clothing, relationships, finances and more. Most Muslims belong to either the Sunni or the Shia sect, with the major original difference between them being who they considered the proper leader of their faith after the death of Muhammad. Muslims also believe in angels.

Origins: Islam was started in the early seventh century in Mecca by the Prophet Muhammad. It spread in Europe through war and coercion, and in Africa through trading relationships.

Hinduism Knowledge Checklist

Rank: Number three

Origins: Hinduism is a fusion of various ancient Indian cultural ideas and tradition, with no single founder. It began to take its current form between 500 B.C. and AD 300. It is widely practiced in India and parts of Southeast Asia.

Holy book(s): Hindu texts are many and varied. They are not considered absolutely true. They are divided into two categories: the Shruti and the Smriti. The Shruti are the oldest traditions and include the four Vedas. The Upanishads are the parts of the Vedas that discuss meditation and philosophy and are the foundation of Hinduism. Of the Smritis, the Hindu epics, especially the Bhagavad Gita, and the Puranas are most important.

Concept of God: Varies by tradition. Some traditions teach the existence of multiple deities (dualism) while others teach of a single supreme being that is reflected in all other beings (the divine in all/non-dualism). Hindu gods are depicted in art and stories. Various incarnations of the same god are called avatars.

Notion of life after death: Reincarnation, called samsara. Hindus desire liberation from samsara through moksha (enlightenment).

Other basic tenets: Dharma (the path of rightness) is considered the foremost goal of a human being. It includes religious duties and moral virtues, but it is also equated with the eternal, unchanging truth. According to Hinduism, achieving dharma allows people to be in harmony with their true nature and with the world. Other Hindu goals are artha, properly pursued economic prosperity; kama, aesthetic pleasure; and moksha, liberation from suffering (enlightenment). Hindus also believe in karma. Hindu monks are called sanyāsī, sādhu, or swāmi. Religious rituals are observed mostly at home and are not mandatory. They include yoga, chanting, meditation and more. Hindus recognize four social classes: the Brahmins (teachers and priests); the Kshatriyas (warriors and kings); the Vaishyas (farmers and merchants); and the Shudras (servants and laborers). They believe in non-violence, respect for all life and vegetarianism.

Buddhism Knowledge Checklist

Rank: Number four

Origins: Buddhism was founded between 500 and 400 B.C. in India by Siddhartha Gautama, later known as the Buddha, who as a wealthy but unhappy young man who became enlightened while sitting underneath a Bodhi tree. Buddhism is prominent throughout Asia.

Holy book(s): Numerous and highly varied. Some are based on the words of the Buddha, like the sutras, while others were created by ancient Buddhist schools, like the tantras.

Concept of God: There is no creator God or supreme being in the universe.

Notion of life after death: Reincarnation. This cycle of death and rebirth, which is affected by one’s karma, can be escaped through nirvana (enlightenment).

Other basic tenets: Meditation, mindfulness, nonattachment, compassion, lovingkindness and virtue; taking refuge in the Buddha, the Dharma (the way) and the Sangha (teachers and fellow travelers); the Four Noble Truths; and the Noble Eightfold Path. The Four Noble Truths are: suffering is universal; suffering is caused by desire and attachment; suffering can end; this happens through the Noble Eightfold Path (right understanding, right thinking, right speech, right conduct, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration). There are two main schools of Buddhist thoughts: the Theravada and the Mahayana. They differ in their recommended approach to nirvana and more.

Confucianism Knowledge Checklist

Origins: Confucianism was founded by Confucius, a government worker-turned-philosopher who lived around the time of Buddha (551-479 B.C.) in China. Confucius taught his philosophy to his subordinates at work before quitting to travel and teach only. His teachings became the state philosophy during the Han Dynasty in China, which liked Confucius’ emphasis on strong central government and respect for authority.

Holy book(s): The Analects of Confucius

Concept of God: None. Confucianism is sometimes considered a religion and sometimes considered a philosophy.

Notion of life after death: None.

Other basic tenets: Kindness; manners; rituals; morals; respect of elders and family; moderation.

Taoism Knowledge Checklist

Origins: Taoism (sometimes called Daoism) began with the writing of the Tao Te Ching, likely by the teacher Laozi around 500 B.C. (This is close to the time of Buddha and Confucius.) The Tao Te Ching was influenced by an ancient divination text, the I Ching (Yi Ching), which as the oldest Chinese classic text was compiled around 800 B.C. Like Confucianism, Taoism became prominent during the Han dynasty (206 B.C.-AD 220). It might have developed as a reaction to that more authoritarian philosophy.

Holy book(s): The Tao Te Ching, the I Ching, the Daozang/Treasury of Tao, and the Zhuangzi (Chuang Tzu). The Daozang is a collection of over 1500 texts written up to the Ming dynasty, and is considered the Taoist canon. The Zhuangzi is an important, beautiful, lighthearted description of the ideal sage written by Master Zhuang (Zhuangzi) (c. 369-301 B.C.).

Concept of God: Various gods exist but none are supreme, and all are subject to the Tao. (Most Taoist gods are borrowed from other cultures.)

Notion of life after death: Unclear. The soul is eternal, but there is a regular afterlife and an enhanced one.

Other basic tenets: Taoists are naturalists. They believe in the interconnectedness of all things; acceptance of contradiction or paradox, called Yin and Yang (concepts originated in the I Ching); and the pursuit of harmony through virtue. They also believe in fortune telling, honoring deceased spirits, and more.

Shinto Knowledge Checklist

Origins: Shinto is the traditional religion of Japan. It is a collection of animistic folk mythologies. Practices were first codified around 700 B.C.

Holy book(s): The Kojiki and Nihon Shoki, written in the 8th century.

Concept of God: There are many gods, spirits and essences, all with unique roles and purposes.

Notion of life after death:

Other basic tenets: Shinto emphasizes the importance of performing rituals for the purpose of connecting with the past.

Judaism Knowledge Checklist

Origins: Abraham, a man who lived in the Middle East, had a son, Isaac, who had a son, Jacob, who was the father of twelve sons, who founded the twelve tribes of Israel. These tribes, who lived around 1200 B.C., later became known as Jews, or the Jewish people. Later, Christianity and Islam developed from Judaism. Jews have been persecuted throughout history and repeatedly forced to leave their nation, Israel, yet they have largely maintained their ethnic and cultural identity. About 43% of Jews reside in Israel and another 43% reside in the United States and Canada.

Concept of God: Orthodox Jews believe in one all-knowing, all-loving, everywhere-present, all-powerful, gender-neutral God, who created the universe. Other Jews believe that belief in God is a matter of personal choice.

Notion of life after death: Unclear and controversial.

Holy book(s): The Torah, which is part of the Hebrew Bible, and additional oral tradition found in later texts like the Midrash and the Talmud. Texts are open to interpretation by rabbis and is a highly scholarly and intellectual endeavor.

Basic tenets: Jews, particularly Orthodox Jews, practice a complex, laborious array of rituals dating to the time of Abraham. They believe that by doing so, they are keeping the Covenant (the law of God given to the Jews by which they earn God’s favor). Among these practices: not working on Sundays; not eating pork or shellfish (eating kosher foods only); and celebration of Jewish holidays. Conservative and Reform Jews take a more lenient approach to Jewish law.

Alternative Spirituality Knowledge Checklist

Origins: Alternative spirituality includes Buddhist Modernism, some new religious movements (NRMs), spiritual-but-not-religious ideas, New Thought spirituality and New Age spirituality. It primarily refers to belief systems that originated during the twentieth century. Alternative spirituality evolves rapidly as new spiritual teachers, channels and authors become known. It is largely influenced by Buddhism and Hinduism.

Holy book(s): None. Modern spiritual thinkers read modern spiritual-but-not-religious authors like Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, and Esther Hicks, plus Buddhist authors like Pema Chodron, Ram Daas and more.

Concept of God: God is the one, unified something that makes up everything in the Universe. As such, God is part of everything, including each person. God is sometimes called the creator, the force, the all-that-is or simply the universe. God is good and loving.

Notion of life after death: Reincarnation, another afterlife including the experience of oneness with the Divine, or unknown. There is no Hell, but there is no one clear and correct path to a happy afterlife.

Other basic tenets: Sin does not exist. Though people often judge poorly or act out of fear, they are naturally and fundamentally good. Onesself is one’s only spiritual authority. Meditation and mindfulness are helpful. So are various healing modalities, such as Reiki. Discovering one’s highest self is a priority, as is practicing love and non-judgment. Truth is often relative and experiential and may be discovered through the law of attraction; divination/clairvoyance/mediums; angels, spirits and ghosts; near-death experiences; deathbed revelations; intuition; and more. Enlightenment or something akin to enlightenment is the goal of many modern spiritualists.

Now Published by Next Chapter: Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby: A Self-Help Story

Ten years is about the right amount of time to wait for a moment like this. You wouldn’t want it to happen much sooner (it’d spoil the fun of waiting) or much later (when you’re disillusioned).

That’s about how long it’s been since I started writing books and publishing them on Amazon on my own and now, the time has come: Next Chapter has published my first traditionally published work–and I think they probably got my best one. It’s Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby: A Self-Help Story.

Please buy it for yourself, and for a few married parents you know. (It’s not expensive.)

Here’s the description:

After Rachel and Matthew had their first child, they had a couple of fights. Well, okay, more than a couple—they fought for over three years. They fought about schedules. They fought about bad habits. They fought about feeling unloved.

They even fought about the lawn mower.

And besides actually having their child, it was the best thing that could’ve happened.

Chronicling their greatest hits, from the Great Birth Control Debate to the Divorce Joke Showdown, Fights You’ll Have After Having a Baby is a post-partem story with hope. It offers true stories from the field, nitty-gritty advice and, most important, a nuanced understanding of what it takes to be married with children.

Get the Amazon ebook version here. And definitely help a writer out by posting a review as well. Thanks so much.

Homeschooling Process Overview (The ‘School in a Book’ Series)

I love homeschooling. I really do. And I think my kids are good with it, too. Here, just what it sounds like: a brief description of the process that seems to be working for us thus far.

K-12 Homeschooling Process Overview

What We Learn

I recommend you decide on a core set of facts, skills and textbooks that you develop from various sources of your choice. You can do this on an annual basis, or, if you’re a planner like me, you can outline through to your projected endpoint. Once you have your curriculum, divide your efforts into two parts: core curriculum studies and elective studies. Elective studies are, of course, pretty much anything. I call this part of our homeschooling day “unschooling,” because it is entirely child-led.

Here is a more specific description of what we learn in our home.

We study the following subjects: history; science; literature; writing; mathematics; art, film and music; religion and spirituality; morality, relationships, health and life management; physical education; Mandarin; Spanish; philosophy and logic; psychology and sociology; and more as time and interest dictates.

We rotate between history and science, choosing one as our core subject for the school year. During history years, we study our core curriculum history books, lesson by lesson, in their entirety. During science years, we study our core curriculum science books, lesson by lesson, in their entirety. Every year we also choose several other secondary subjects to focus on. We learn various other skills and lessons and read other books as time and interest allow.

When We Learn

In my family, homeschooling works backwards: heavy reading and conversation in bed at night with the lights turned off and the little ones bored to sleep, independent projects in the afternoon and social and physical stuff first thing in the morning. Coincidentally (or not), this order roughly reflects my educational priorities for my kids (and myself), and is exactly the opposite of traditional public education.

How We Learn

When planning for homeschooling, the question of how to learn is both the most complicated one and the least important. I recommend that you default to the old-fashioned reading, writing, arithmetic and lecture M.O., noting that your lectures will normally take the form of every day conversation. As you are able, seek out high quality podcasts, worksheets, YouTube videos, games, TV shows and other activities to supplement your efforts. The range of choices is enormous, and they’re all effective. But sometimes it’s easiest to just choose a few concepts a day and just … talk about them.

Here’s a brief outline of how we learn in our home.

Each week, we: listen to music, read together, read independently, engage in various hobbies and self-directed projects, engage in physical activity, attend play dates, have quiet time, practice life skills, practice character building and relationship skill building through coaching, attend at least one class outside the home, go on family outings and more.

We strictly limit the use worksheets, calculators, TV and video games and the Internet.

We learn our core and secondary subjects primarily through reading and discussion.

We incorporate reading and writing practice into our core subject lessons.

While reading primary sources, we ask the following questions:

What does the piece say?
What is the historical context of the piece?
Who was the author (profession, social standing, age, etc.) of the piece?
What is the genre of the piece?
What does the author have to gain or lose from others accepting or rejecting his ideas?
What events led to the writing of the piece?
What events resulted from the writing of the piece

We also use some of the following methods to learn the material:

Supplemental reading
Outlining
Discussion
Memorization
Time line making
Map making
Doing science experiments
Coloring, drawing and painting
Teaching another student
Creating and playing games
Learning songs
Watching documentaries and other films
Additional in-depth projects like book making, writing argumentative essays, model making, building, traveling, creating subject taxonomies and more.

How We Record Our Learning

For me, record keeping is a huge deal. It keeps me on track and gives me a feeling of accomplishment. I highly recommend a robust but efficient system, whatever it may be, so you don’t waste time on old material and so your kids have handy evidence of everything they’ve done.

Here’s what I do for my kids (and myself, too) to keep track of our reading and other accomplishments.

I keep a thorough and meticulous record of all students’ homeschooling activities in a single spreadsheet. The spreadsheet includes a list of books each student read or heard and a list of each student’s learning experiences and accomplishments.

I keep detailed checklists of everything we’re learning on our office walls. As a student demonstrates understanding of one of the items, I mark their initials and their grade level next to it. My plan is to have everything on all our checklists initialed at least three times per child throughout their homeschooling career.

I scan and save each student’s selected writings, artwork and more in a homeschooling scrapbook file.