This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, We Get Better: 48 Treatment Options for Chronic Depression.

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Treatment option 47: Doing a grieving ritual

Allowing our emotions to move through us is an important life skill, and it’s even more important during times of grief. When we avoid the grief process, our natural need to express our feelings is submerged and depression can result.

A therapist I once knew liked to say that grief is like a pitcher full to the brim with water. Every time you allow the feelings to come, honoring them, you pour some of the water out. Though the pitcher might never empty completely, in time, it lowers to a manageable level. It’s lighter.

At times, your grief might surprise you. The subconscious has different needs and responses than the logical mind does. During times of mourning, honor your intuitive needs, even if others prefer a different way of expressing their sadness.

Grieving rituals can significantly aid the healing process. There are many of these, including (but not limited to) the following: holding memorial services, reminiscing with others, creating photo albums, hanging pictures, creating works of art, writing poems and more. A ritual I especially like is writing a letter to your loved one, telling them everything you feel the need to say, to help you gain a sense of closure. Another idea is making a list of significant memories of your loved one. This can help calm your subconscious need to continually recall the details you fear forgetting. Many grief rituals help you relax in the knowledge that you can always revisit the memories–that there is a place for them somewhere in your home.

Grief is a beautiful thing. It deepens us. It makes us more empathetic. It teaches us about ourselves and makes us emotionally stronger. It also honors the one we lost. In The Odds: A Love Story, Stewart O’Nan writes, “You couldn’t relive your life, skipping the awful parts, without losing what made it worthwhile. You had to accept it as a whole–like the world, or the person you loved.”

If desired, add “doing a grieving ritual” to your list of emotional coping skills. You might also want to list specific rituals that feel helpful to you.