This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, We Get Better: 48 Treatment Options for Chronic Depression.

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Treatment option 48: Just letting it be

Many problems are fixable. Habits can change. Thoughts and perspectives can be shifted over time. But feelings are sense experiences that last as long as they last, and don’t need to be tampered with directly.

Good feelings come … and good feelings go. Uncomfortable feelings do the same. When in doubt, and when nothing else brings relief, just let your difficult feelings be. Notice them and remind yourself that they, too, shall pass, and that in the meantime, you are strong enough to handle them. It might be easier than you expect.

Get comfortable with being uncomfortable, I tell my clients. Most problematic behaviors are unhelpful and unmanageable solutions for temporary and manageable emotions. Learning how to feel your feelings will help you begin to self-identify as a strong person. It might also keep you out of trouble.

Someone gossiped about you at work yesterday? You’re not sure what your partner meant by that weird comment? Your kid is acting up … again? In these cases and countless more, the best strategy is often to say and do nothing. Defensiveness, hostile questioning and over-lecturing can make the situation worse.

Feel the feeling fully, then let it pass. Later, if there’s anything that needs to be said or done, the right course of action will become clear. This wait-and-see strategy is even more important when you feel frustration or anger with someone in your life. Practice feeling the desire to react harshly or fix the person in some way, without acting on it. You can have a needed conversation later. Your loved ones should feel safe to make mistakes or make choices you don’t agree with.

I’ve mentioned Tara Brach’s book, Radical Acceptance, already. But that’s appropriate, since I recommend reading it twice. In this part-memoir, part-self-help offering, Brach makes a compelling argument for allowing feelings to pass through you in a natural, non-judgmental way. She also does a pretty good job convincing the reader that doing so actually decreases the length and frequency of difficult emotions over time.

An important caveat: Don’t prolong a difficult feeling unnecessarily through rumination, self-recrimination and longer-than-necessary conversations with friends on the topic. These reactions can be tempting, but they don’t honor your emotional experience as it is; instead, they distract from the original source and its inherent meaning, and make it about something else.

If desired, add “just letting it be” or “feeling your feelings” to your list of emotional coping skills.