This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, We Get Better: 48 Treatment Options for Chronic Depression.

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Treatment option 28: Practicing healthy assertiveness and boundaries 

When your sense of well-being is consistently and significantly affected by someone else’s behaviors, choices or moods, depression can sometimes result. Neglecting to create proper boundaries, even in healthy relationships, reduces your felt power over your activities, environments, time, energy and needs.

Boundaries aren’t just for extreme situations, like toxic relationships and demanding bosses. They’re everyday tools for everyday needs. Increased self-advocacy, for example, and reduced emotional exertion spent on someone else’s problem–these might not seem like boundaries, but they are.

A cautionary note: even slight changes in the dynamics of your relationships can lead to destabilization and conflict. A capable therapist can assist you in determining healthy and appropriate boundaries and in communicating them effectively.

Like boundaries, assertiveness can be tricky at times. Located at the halfway point between passivity and aggression, it can be hard to detect at first (the middle ground often is). Early attempts at this skill might be less than graceful, but practice helps. As confidence grows, communication is smoother. Much of the time, people respond less to what you say and more to how you say it, and standing up for yourself or for someone else isn’t always as difficult as your primal brain fears it will be.

One of my most frequently recommended therapy homework assignments is keeping a list of occasions on which the client practices assertiveness and confidence. Taking the time to note down these moments of growth not only encourages you to find more opportunities to build this skill, but serves as proof that you can do it. Don’t forget to give yourself credit for the small stuff: paying your way, choosing the restaurant and limiting phone calls with a difficult family member all count.

Liberated Love: Release Codependent Patterns and Create the Love You Desire by husband and wife team Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath emphasizes the deliciousness that boundaries create between romantic partners. Mutual respect, affection and sexual desire increase as partners advocate for their needs. Opportunities for resentment decrease, and couples no longer feel the need (or are allowed) to “fix” each other’s feelings or behaviors. Personal growth and fulfillment is each person’s own business.

In other words: boundaries are sexy.

Flexibility is important. Some boundaries are negotiable. But they exist in some form in every healthy relationship. Anytime you start to feel responsible for another person’s choices, or act against your inner wisdom due to fear of another person’s reaction, consider ways to take back your power. People with chronic mental health concerns like depression might have an even greater need to protect their emotional energy and maintain healthy levels of independence.

If desired, add “practice assertiveness and boundaries” and/or related strategies to your depression treatment plan. Then decide on next steps and write them on your to-do lists.