This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, We Get Better: 48 Treatment Options for Chronic Depression.

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Treatment option 26: Establishing and maintaining strong relationships

Psychologist Daniel Gilbert writes in Stumbling on Happiness that if he were to guess at a person’s level of felt well-being based on only one fact of their life, he would choose to know not about how healthy they were or how successful, but about the quality of their relationships. One of our most basic human needs is secure attachment, and if you don’t have enough of it, it might be time to increase your social efforts. Go on dates with your partner. Reach out to a friend at least once a week. Plan a standing walk or coffee date with a friend. The alternatives to secure attachment are anxious attachment, disorganized attachment and avoidant attachment, and if you notice a pattern of insecurity in your relationships, it’s worth learning more about these concepts.

It can be challenging to find your people. If you’re feeling discouraged by the process, know that the difficulty is more common than many people suppose. Commit to the effort. Follow through with your social efforts on a regular basis. Open up to others in a genuine way and allow them to do the same.

Adored author and researcher Brené Brown has made a career of convincing people to deepen relationships through vulnerability. Sharing the parts of yourself you’re least proud of with a nonjudgmental loved one can be a powerfully healing and bonding experience. Some group therapy classes focus almost exclusively on sharing and relating, with great results. You’re not alone. Someone else has been there, too.

In Love Warrior: A Memoir, best-selling memoirist Glennon Doyle puts it well: “We can choose to be perfect and admired or to be real and loved. We must decide. If we choose to be perfect and admired, we must send our representatives out to live our lives. If we choose to be real and loved, we must send out our true, tender selves.”

If desired, add “find more friends,” “regularly reach out to friends,” “try new social activities” and/or related strategies to your depression treatment plan. Then decide on next steps and write them on your to-do lists.