Tag Archives: Self-Improvement

Aaron Beck isn’t just another self-help writer; he is one of the most influential minds in modern psychology. He created cognitive therapy, one of the most well-regarded and proven therapy techniques, and while most of his books are written for psychologists, this one is a gift to the masses. Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstanding outlines cognitive therapy and applies it to one of our most important areas of life: our partnerships. It’s perhaps one of the best books on marriage out there–and could help you in other aspects of life, too.

Key Takeaways

• Love Is Never Enough applies cognitive therapy to relationship issues, showing how cognitive distortions and other negative assumptions can derail a relationship.
• “One of the main reasons we argue with our spouses is that we misunderstand them and judge them unfairly,” Beck writes. “We do this because of our cognitive distortions–the flaws in our logic that occur frequently when we’re upset.” These distortions include: mind reading, framing, overgeneralizations, labeling, defensiveness, tunnel vision, catastrophizing (making a small issue into a big one), personalization, negative bias, all-or-nothing thinking, either-or thinking and more.
• There are three main steps to changing your story about your partner. “Step One: Recognize and correct your automatic thoughts. Listen to your thoughts about your mate and determine what your thought spiral is. Step Two: Test your predictions. Step Three: Reframe your perspective of your mate.”
• Start by noticing any automatic thoughts you might regularly have about your partner–thoughts like “He is so uncaring.” “Examine them and look for supporting evidence, contradictory evidence, alternative explanations, and more logical inferences … Ask: What is the evidence in favor of my interpretation? What evidence is there contrary to my interpretation? Does it logically follow from my spouse’s actions that my spouse has the motive that I assign to him or her? Is there an alternative explanation? What evidence is there on the other side? Have there been times, recently, when my spouse has been friendly or loving?”
• The cognitive distortion of personalization is what happens when you consider yourself the cause of your spouse’s behavior despite the fact that it has nothing to do with you. An example of this type of thinking is: “She’s in a bad mood. It must be because she’s angry at me.”
• Labeling is another cognitive distortion. This is what happens when you label someone’s entire character negatively rather than labeling their behavior or actions negatively. This often involves name calling. Some examples of this are: “She’s a weakling because he did not ask for a raise.” “He’s a nag because she wants me to quit drinking.” “He’s a slob because he doesn’t pick up his clothes.” People also may use the same type of flawed thinking in evaluating themselves as well, as in: “I never do anything properly. I always antagonize people. I’m a failure.”
• All-or-nothing thinking will also get you in trouble in your relationship. “If your spouse is less loving than usual, for example, you might conclude that he or she no longer loves you … There is either total love or total rejection, total consideration or total inconsideration—nothing in between.” Avoid this trap by reminding yourself that what’s happening is what’s happening now and it likely hasn’t and won’t happen forever.
• In particularly difficult moments, snowballing thoughts often occur. An example of this distortion is as follows: “Why is he silent? He must be angry at me. I must have done something to offend him. He will continue to be angry at me. He is always angry at me. I always offend people. Nobody will ever like me. I will always be alone.”
• Mind reading is dangerous, too. That’s when we make assumptions about our partner’s intentions instead of staying curious and open-minded.
• Overgeneralization occurs when a partner uses “always” or “never” statements. Try using the word “sometimes” instead, and see if your partner becomes less defensive.
• Tunnel vision, or screening, occurs when one negative detail is selected at the expense of the larger experience. This happens when after a party a couple attends together, one partner points out the one thing they didn’t like about their partner’s behavior in the car on the way home.
• Taken together, these and other cognitive distortions can lead to the formation of a negative cognitive set: an overall negative perspective of your partner. Clearly, this is not ideal. The goal of questioning your assumptions and distortions and changing your thinking about your partner is to build a new overall perspective of them–one that is fair but also positive. With this change, fewer misunderstandings will occur. And cognitive changes can be made by just one partner will greatly affect both people’s perspectives of each other and of the relationship, even if the second partner doesn’t do cognitive therapy exercises themselves.
• Creating a new perspective on your partner is the difference between reacting to your partner being late with the internal response, “Something may have happened to her” rather than, “If she really cared about my feelings, he would be on time.”
• The book also discusses some differences between genders in communication patterns, saying that women seem to be more likely to ask personal questions, to use encouraging utterances during a conversation and to respond more fully and enthusiastically to their partner. On the other hand, they might be less likely to question their partner or argue for a different perspective. They might value getting along over getting ahead.

About the Author

Aaron Beck is an American psychiatrist and psychotherapist who helped pioneer the field of cognitive therapy. He developed cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) in the 1960s as a result of his research and clinical work. He proposed that our thoughts, beliefs, and interpretations of events significantly impact our emotions and behaviors. Beck’s cognitive therapy focuses on identifying and challenging negative or distorted thoughts and replacing them with more realistic and adaptive thinking patterns.

His approach to therapy has been widely influential and has proven effective in the treatment of various mental health conditions, including depression, anxiety disorders, and personality disorders. Beck’s work has expanded beyond therapy and has been applied to areas such as stress management, relationship issues, and personal growth.

Beck has authored numerous books on cognitive therapy, including Cognitive Therapy and the Emotional Disorders and Prisoners of Hate: The Cognitive Basis of Anger, Hostility, and Violence. He has also received several prestigious awards for his contributions to the field, including the Lasker Award for Clinical Medical Research.

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To date, I’ve discussed Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End at least three separate times at at least three separate parties. Author and doctor Atul Gawande is everyone’s favorite author-doctor right now, and for good reason: he takes on a subject that no one likes to discuss but that everyone will one day face, offering valuable and practical advice. Two thumbs and two big toes up. (Questionably tasteful imagery intended.)

Key Takeaways

• Being Mortal’s main premise: We need to address end-of-life issues openly–preferably before the end of one’s life. Doctors shy away from notifying their patients about life expectancy, even (sadly) to the point of dishonesty at times. Families, similarly, don’t always want to face these realities honestly. And it doesn’t help that there’s always some new surgery, drug or other treatment to try.
• Hospice is underrated, undervalued and underutilized. It shouldn’t be. Palliative care leads to more peaceful deaths.
• Contrary to the opinions of some, old age can be a meaningful time of life. Older people seem to have better health outcomes when they have a greater sense of control over their environment and activities. The problem is, this takes creative problem-solving, and sometimes, safety is deprioritized in favor of independence.
• The author discussed the history of retirement and assisted living facilities and how these homes can improve.
• Another helpful section of the book goes into detail about the physical changes old age inevitably brings. It makes the point that the admirable character we all seem to believe in–the mentally and physically vibrant octagenarian who seems as healthy as a 40-year-old–is a cultural myth. The body breaks down in unpreventable ways, and when we deny this reality, our treatment of the elderly suffers, and our expectations of ourselves are often unrealistic. “Eventually, one too many joints are damaged, one too many arteries calcify. There are no more backups. We wear down until we can’t wear down anymore. It happens in a bewildering array of ways …” Gawande writes.
• Sometimes, less medical intervention is more. Some treatments do more harm than good, and it’s important to ask all the right questions and be fully informed.
• The author addresses doctors in the book as well, advising them on how to best approach end-of-life concerns. His description of the difficulty of treating senior citizens, with their multiplicity of small and large concerns, is admirably done.
• In conclusion, the author writes, “… People who had substantive discussions with their doctor about their end-of-life preferences were far more likely to die at peace and in control of their situation and to spare their family anguish.”

About the Author

Atul Gawande is an American surgeon, writer, and public health researcher. He earned his Bachelor’s degree in biology and political science from Stanford University, his medical degree from Harvard Medical School, and completed his surgical residency at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. He is a practicing general and endocrine surgeon and has held positions at prominent institutions such as Harvard Medical School and the Harvard T.H. Chan School of Public Health.

In addition to his medical career, Gawande is widely acclaimed for his compelling and thought-provoking writing. His articles and essays have appeared in publications such as The New Yorker, The New York Times, and The Lancet. He has also authored several influential books, including Complications: A Surgeon’s Notes on an Imperfect Science, Better: A Surgeon’s Notes on Performance, and Being Mortal: Medicine and What Matters in the End. In these works, he combines personal anecdotes, rigorous research, and insights from his medical career to shed light on the successes and failures of modern medicine and to advocate for improvements in patient care.

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Telling Yourself the Truth: Find Your Way Out of Depression, Anxiety, Fear, Anger, and Other Common Problems by Applying the Principles of Misbelief Therapy by William Backus and Marie Chapian was my introduction to cognitive therapy. At the time, I didn’t realize it; I thought I was reading about a uniquely Christian approach to overcoming depression. It helped me greatly at a time I believed therapy was less effective than religion, and for that, it holds a place in my heart forever. It was what was needed.

Read this book if you need a simple, inspiring introduction to cognitive therapy–one that doesn’t involve worksheets or lengthy explanations of common cognitive distortions. Also read it if you appreciate the biblical references.

Key Takeaways

• Telling Yourself the Truth is a book is about just that: learning how to balance your long-held negative stories with more realistic, logical truths. The authors call this “Misbelief Therapy” and posit that much of one’s low mood is related to the misbeliefs they have about the world and about themselves.
• Question your self-talk, they preach in this work. Sweep away your misbeliefs by consistently reminding yourself of larger truths that can bring peace. These truths might include: “God loves me and forgives me,” “Life has purpose” and many more.
• An example the authors provide is that of Jerry, who changed his self-talk from “I’m a failure and no good” to “The marriage failed, but I am deeply loved by God.”
• The authors recommend relentlessly committing onesself to the new story, no matter how the story feels to you, until you are able to fully believe the new, more objective truth.
• On self-esteem, the authors quote psychiatrist Willard Gaylin, who said, “A denigrated self-image is a tar baby. The more we play with it, embrace it, the more bound we are to it.” Don’t play with negative thoughts about yourself. Leave them on the curb and walk away.
• It can be hard to retrain our beliefs, say the authors: “Misbeliefs generally appear as truth to the person repeating them to himself. They might even seem to be true to an untrained counselor. That is partly because they often do contain some shred of truth, and partly because the sufferer has never examined or questioned these erroneous assumptions.”
• It’s important to question the assumptions that lie underneath our negative thoughts, to challenge the basic truths we’ve long held.
• On relationships, the authors write, “Often, but not always, relationships change dramatically when one person drops the misbeliefs that generate and perpetuate bitterness and anger. Always the person who works to change misbeliefs will benefit even if the other person does not change.”
• A final tip: Anger isn’t something anyone else makes you feel. “One psychologist tells his patients that the truthful statement to make when you’re angry is, ‘I make myself angry.’”

About the Authors

William Backus was a licensed psychologist and the founder of the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation (CCEF). He held a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Minnesota and was an advocate for integrating biblical principles with psychological understanding. Backus believed in the power of faith in helping individuals overcome emotional and psychological struggles. He authored and co-authored several books, including Telling Yourself the Truth and What Your Counselor Never Told You, which provide practical guidance for addressing negative thoughts and emotions from a Christian perspective.

Marie Chapian, an author and speaker, has collaborated with William Backus on multiple books. She holds a Ph.D. in psychology and has written extensively on topics related to personal growth, faith, and emotional healing. Chapian’s contributions to their collaborative works often bring a compassionate and empathetic perspective to the challenges individuals face in their emotional and spiritual journeys.

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While most writing advice books seem to focus on fiction writing, Good Prose: The Art of Nonfiction by Tracy Kidder and Richard Todd delves into the subtleties of fiction’s counterpart. It’s a genre I particularly appreciate, as evidenced by this blog series. Some of their advice goes against the writing wisdom we’ve heard over and over, and it’s nice to hear a different perspective.

Read this book to peek under the hood of how narrative nonfiction works, and to hone your ability to write a better article or essay–or even a blog post or written argument.

Key Takeaways

• Written by a Pulitzer Prize-winning author of narrative nonfiction and his esteemed editor, Good Prose explores the craft of writing in this increasingly competitive genre. The book provides practical tips on structure, character development, and the importance of revision. Some of their advice is as follows.
• In writing nonfiction, be ruthlessly honest, even in the details. This is a matter of ethics as well as of earning and keeping the reader’s trust. “We’re sticklers on fact,” write the authors. “If it happened on Tuesday, that’s when it happened, even if Thursday would make for a tidier story. (And in our experience, at least, Tuesday usually turns out to make for a more interesting story.)”
• Your reader might not be an expert in the topic of your work, but that doesn’t mean they’re not smart. Write as if your reader is at least as intelligent as you. This will help you avoid subtle condescension. It will also help your reader trust you and your level of intelligence.
• Don’t worry so much about hooking the reader in the first sentence, as you’ve been told to do. Quiet beginnings are often just fine. The main goal is that you don’t lose the reader right away: “You can’t make the reader love you in the first sentence or paragraph, but you can lose the reader right away. You don’t expect the doctor to cure you at once, but the doctor can surely alienate you at once, with brusqueness or bravado or indifference or confusion.”
• You’ve also been told to have a one-sentence elevator pitch that summarizes your story. But these authors believe that this advice is also misleading at times. “I tend to worry now when a story is easily summarized and in summary sounds interesting or, even worse, exciting. This may be superstition, but I believe there is one sure dictum about judging one’s material, a cocktail party rule so to speak: it isn’t always a bad sign when a potential story doesn’t talk well.”
• Conflict isn’t just about bad guys and good guys. The most important conflict in any story is the main character’s internal one. A good story is a “narrative of revelation.” Without revelation, the reader doesn’t see the point.
• A story is exciting when a character has a something important at stake. “A car chase is not required.”
• “Although many are simplistic, all rules of writing share a worthy goal: clear and vigorous prose.”
• Another mark of good writing is the development of an individual style, one that is not copied from another writer or set of writers. “The world brims over with temptations for the writer, modish words, unexamined phrases, borrowed tones, and the habits of thought they all represent. The creation of a style often begins with a negative achievement. Only by rejecting what comes too easily can you clear a space for yourself.”
• Pay a lot of attention to the rhythm of each sentence. Short sentences can actually feel more difficult to mentally process, while longer sentences are sometimes exhausting.
• Be careful not to automatically imitate the breezy, casual tone that many writers take in articles and blog posts these days. “The colloquial writer seeks intimacy, but the discerning reader, resisting that friendly hand on the shoulder, that winning grin, is apt to back away.” 
• Don’t write the way you talk. But here’s a good rule of thumb: “If you can’t imagine yourself saying something aloud, then you probably shouldn’t write it.”
• Don’t eschew the tasks of marketing and promotion. These are now part of the writer’s job, too.
• Enjoy the process of writing. Not just because the writing may not be received well, or received at all, but because when you are rewarded by the process, that feeling comes through your words.”
• Smooth out the bumps. A bump isn’t something you drive over then move on from. It’s a place in the story in which events aren’t connected, that could interfere with the story’s logic.
• “Don’t try to tell the reader how to feel.” Don’t spin it. 

About the Author

Tracy Kidder is a Pulitzer Prize-winning author known for his immersive and detailed works of narrative nonfiction. Some of his notable books include The Soul of a New Machine, Mountains Beyond Mountains, and Strength in What Remains. Kidder’s writing often delves into the lives of individuals and their experiences, tackling complex subjects with depth and empathy.

Richard Todd is an accomplished writer, editor, and teacher of writing. He has worked as an editor at The Atlantic Monthly and is known for his expertise in the field of nonfiction. Todd has collaborated with Tracy Kidder on multiple projects, bringing his editorial insight and writing skills to their joint efforts.

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Geneen Roth is a beautiful writer. Her books offer two of the things I love best: careful, flowing prose and intimate true stories. Through her books you get to know her story and her struggles—and you come out of it believing that what she did is something that you can do, too.

Overcoming Emotional Overeating is an introduction to the intuitive eating approach to diet. It’s a memoir as well as a diet book, offering practical guidelines for implementing the intuitive eating approach and Roth’s personal stories learning the same. Read it for the insight she shares, but also read it for inspiration. Changing unhelpful food-related habits is hard, and Roth can be your advocate.

Key Takeaways

Intuitive eating is the ultimate non-diet. Intuitive eaters eat anything they want, anytime they want to—as long as they’re truly hungry, and what they’re eating is what they sense their body is asking for (you know, intuitively).

Geneen Roth’s eating guidelines are as follows:

• Eat only when you are hungry.
• Eat sitting down in a calm environment (not in the car).
• Eat without distractions.
• Eat only what your body wants.
• Eat until you are satisfied, not until you are full.
• Eat with the intention of being in full view of others. (Meaning, don’t scarf.)
• Eat with enjoyment.

In her inspiring, emotionally intelligent and highly vulnerable style, Roth encourages the reader to think differently about food, their body–and even how to enjoy a more meaningful, connected life.

About the Author

Geneen Roth is the author of several books on weight loss and weight management, particularly the emotional components of these challenges. She encourages people struggling with extra weight to explore their underlying emotional and psychological concerns and shares stories from her personal experiences to illustrate her points. Roth also hosts talks and workshops on the subject. Some of her notable works include When Food Is Love and Lost and Found: Unexpected Revelations about Food and Money. Her goal is to bring positive transformation in people’s mindsets around food and body image.

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Your Life Is A Book: How To Craft & Publish Your Memoir by Brenda Peterson and Sarah Jane Freymann is my favorite book on memoir writing. Written by women in the publishing business, it’s heavy on the practicalities and light on the sappy “dig deep inside” stuff.

Read it because your life is a memoir, and you’re just waiting to see how it turns out before you write it.

Key Takeaways

• My favorite quote of the book: “Start anywhere. Because no matter where you start, you’ll end up where you’re meant to be.”
• Consider these subjects: gender, race, politics, class, culture, religion, location, food, sex. All can provide a thread for the narrative.
• Memoir must include epiphanies that you build up to after which the person’s life is changed.
• Read other memoirs. Educate yourself on the genre before taking it on yourself.
• Ask: What is the story you’re telling to yourself about yourself? Write it down in a few pages, then see if that’s your main theme.
• Write down your dreams.
• Reread your old letters.
• Your journal is not your memoir! This is important.
• Here’s a helpful writing prompt: What is one scene from your life that explains your whole life? Jot down your thoughts on this and see if that’s your story.
• Each scene has three jobs: To advance the plot, to deepen the characterization, and to engage a major theme. Don’t leave any of these three functions out.
• Don’t start with waking up or with the weather–these are the oldest cliches in the genre. Start with a unique scene, and follow it with more unique scenes.
• Bring in a sense of place and time–good settling details. Consider your settling to be another character in the book.
• Make your stories memorable. Don’t be in “no time.” Engage the senses, and ground the narrative in place. Tell what the person’s body is doing, what year is, and the like.
• Write about food! When in doubt, it’s a go-to. Describing meal details is very emotionally provocative and symbolic, as well as relatable.
• Write about a journey. Where did you start, and where are you going?
• Finally, write about moral dilemmas. These are relatable and bring up strong emotional responses in the reader.

About the Authors

Brenda Peterson is an American author, wildlife advocate, and writing teacher. She was born in Seattle, Washington, and has written numerous books, including memoirs, novels, and nature writing. Peterson’s work often explores themes of nature, animals, and the human connection to the natural world. She is known for her evocative writing style and her ability to blend personal experience with environmental and social issues.

Sarah Jane Freymann is an American literary agent and co-founder of the literary agency Sarah Jane Freymann Literary Agency. With her extensive experience in the publishing industry, Freymann brings a wealth of knowledge and insight into the process of crafting and publishing memoirs.

In Your Life is a Book, Peterson and Freymann draw on their expertise to guide readers through the various stages of writing a memoir. They cover topics such as identifying key moments, creating compelling characters, developing a narrative structure, and finding one’s authentic voice. The book also offers practical guidance on editing, revising, and navigating the publishing industry.

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Unschooling Rules by Clark Aldrich sn’t just about unschooling. It’s about all kinds of teaching situations—about the art of learning through exploration. What could be more inspiring than that?

Key Takeaways

“Unschooling” is the term commonly used to describe a way of homeschooling that is highly play-based and child-led—what some would call “organic” learning. Unschooled kids don’t do worksheets, and may or may not attend formal classes. They just do things and learn along the way.

The rules:

• Do what you love.
• Use microcosms as much as possible.
• Use internships.
• Embrace all technologies.
• Excel is awesome for math.
• Formally learn only what will be reinforced in the next 14 days.
• Explore first. Play second. Teach third.
• Only work on one or two subjects per day.
• Keep a focused journal.
• Underschedule.
• Play outside.

About the Author

Clark Aldrich is an author, speaker, and expert in the field of educational technology and simulations. He has made significant contributions to the development and implementation of innovative learning solutions that combine technology, simulations, and game-based approaches.

His work emphasizes the importance of active, experiential learning, where learners are actively engaged in realistic scenarios and problem-solving activities. Aldrich believes that well-designed simulations and games can provide learners with opportunities to practice skills, make decisions, and learn from their experiences in a safe and immersive environment.

As a speaker and consultant, Aldrich has worked with numerous organizations and educational institutions to implement innovative learning solutions. He has delivered presentations and workshops worldwide, sharing his expertise and insights on the transformative potential of simulations and game-based learning.

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No, it’s not a must-read. But Growing Up Amish: A Memoir and other religious memoirs like it offer fascinating and educational insight into other people’s lives and minds. Ira Wagler doesn’t needlessly berate his former belief system or the people who maintain it. He gives a well-written, objective account, as do many others. I, for one, can’t get enough of this type of book.

Key Takeaways

• This memoir chronicles Wagler’s experiences growing up in a strict Amish community and the internal struggles he faced as he questioned the beliefs and lifestyle he was raised in. Itprovides insights into the Amish way of life, their traditions, and the challenges of leaving the community behind.
• “We were also repelled by what we saw and heard around us every day. Most of the adults—those securely anchored in the faith—didn’t seem any too happy in their daily lives. In fact, they were mostly downright grumpy. There was little in our own world that attracted us, made us stop and think, That’s what I want. To live like that. We were stuck in a stifling, hostile culture consisting of myriad complex rules and restrictions. More things were forbidden than were allowed. And that’s not to mention the drama, the dictatorial decrees, the strife among so-called brothers, and the seemingly endless emotional turmoil that resulted. We had seen and lived it all.”
• “In fact, the Amish church does everything in its power to maintain its grip on the youth, including applying some of the most guilt-based pressure tactics in existence anywhere in the world. After all, there’s no sense encouraging young people to taste the outside world …”
• “With some prodding, there might be a reluctant admission that yes, others not of our particular faith might make it to heaven, but only because they were not born Amish and didn’t know any better. Those who were born in the faith had better stay, or they would surely face a terrible Judgment Day. That’s what we heard. What we were told by our parents and what we heard in the sermons at church. But they never explained why.”
• “That kind of pressure is a brutal thing, really, a severe mental strain. And it’s the reason that in most communities, when Amish kids run wild, they usually run hard and mean. Because once that line is crossed, there are no others.”
• “From a distance, or from outside, my decision [to return to the faith] makes no sense. But it made all the sense in the world to me in that moment, to keep slogging on, to walk the road that equated eternal life with earthly misery.”

About the Author

Ira Wagler is an American author known for his memoir “Growing Up Amish: A Memoir.” Born in Aylmer, Ontario, Canada, in 1961, Wagler grew up in a traditional Old Order Amish community. However, as a young man, he made the difficult decision to leave his Amish upbringing and pursue a different path.

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Someone lived in space for a year. His name is Scott Kelly, and Endurance: My Year in Space, A Lifetime of Discovery is his story. I think that pretty much sums up the value of this book. Side note: the quotes I selected below don’t do the book justice; the beauty of it is in Kelly’s descriptions of the mundane, daily activities of life in space.

Key Takeaways

• On the International Space Station: “The ISS is a remarkable achievement of technology and international cooperation. It has been inhabited nonstop since November 2, 2000; put another way, it has been more than fourteen years since all humans were on the Earth at once. It is by far the longest-inhabited structure in space and has been visited by more than two hundred people from sixteen nations. It’s the largest peacetime international project in history.”
• On landing the space shuttle: “The very complexity of the space shuttle was why I wanted to fly it. But learning these systems and practicing in the simulators—learning how to respond to the myriad of interrelated malfunctions in the right way—showed me how much more complicated this spacecraft was than anything I could have imagined. There were more than two thousand switches and circuit breakers in the cockpit, more than a million parts, and almost as many ways for me to screw up. The amount I learned in order to go from a new ASCAN to a pilot on my first mission was, from what I could observe, an education comparable to getting a PhD. Our days were packed with classes, simulations, and other training.”
• On the moments before takeoff: “The space shuttle, fully fueled with cryogenic liquid, creaked and groaned. Soon this sixteen-story structure was going to lift off the Earth in a controlled explosion. For a moment I thought to myself, Boy, this is a really dumb thing to be doing.”
• “There is a NASA tradition, which some crews follow more closely than others, of pulling pranks on rookies. When the Astrovan pulled up to the launchpad, I said offhandedly to Tracy, Barb, and Alvin, “Hey, you guys remembered to bring your boarding passes, right?” They looked at one another quizzically as the four of us veterans pulled preprinted boarding passes out of our pockets. ‘Don’t tell me you didn’t bring your boarding passes! They won’t let you on the space shuttle without one!’ I insisted. After an initial look of panic crossed their faces, the three rookies quickly caught on.”
• “On his fourth flight, in 2008, Yuri’s Soyuz landed so far from his intended touchdown point, the local Kazakh farmers who came upon his steaming spacecraft had no idea what it was. When he and his two female crewmates, Peggy Whitson and Yi So-yeon, emerged from the capsule, the Kazakhs mistook him for an alien god who had come from space with his own supply of women. Had the rescue forces not arrived, I suspect the farmers would have appointed him their leader.”

About the Author

Scott Kelly is an American astronaut, engineer, and retired U.S. Navy captain. He was born on February 21, 1964, in Orange, New Jersey, United States. Kelly is renowned for his contributions to space exploration and his record-breaking mission on the International Space Station (ISS).

Kelly joined NASA in 1996 and became an astronaut in 1999. Throughout his career, he participated in several space missions, including space shuttle flights and long-duration stays on the ISS. However, his most notable achievement came during his year-long mission on the ISS from March 2015 to March 2016. This mission, known as the “One-Year Mission,” aimed to study the effects of long-term spaceflight on the human body, specifically comparing Kelly’s physiological and psychological changes with his identical twin brother Mark Kelly, who remained on Earth.

During his year in space, Scott Kelly conducted various scientific experiments, participated in spacewalks, and documented his experiences through photographs and social media. His mission provided valuable insights into the physical and psychological challenges of long-duration space travel and helped pave the way for future manned missions to Mars and beyond.

Scott Kelly’s achievements in space and his contributions to scientific research have earned him numerous accolades, including the NASA Distinguished Service Medal and the Russian Medal for Merit in Space Exploration. He is recognized as a prominent figure in the field of space exploration and continues to inspire others with his remarkable journey and dedication to pushing the boundaries of human exploration in space.

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In case you didn’t already know, Donald Maass is a legend of the book publishing world. In his mature, wise, yet conversational way, he’s written a slew of books on writing and publishing, including How To Be Your Own Literary Agent. I love the emphasis in The Fire In Fiction: Passion, Purpose, and Technique To Make Your Novel Great on making your fiction (and nonfiction) snap, crackle and pop. This is one of the most practical and specific books on writing I’ve ever read.

Key Takeaways

• There is a big difference between storytellers–people who hone their craft relentlessly–and status seekers, who publish for money and recognition. Be the former, and avoid the latter trap.
• Great novels happen because the author is committed to making every scene, every line, not just technically good, but infused with the author’s own passion.
• Protagonists shouldn’t be just Jane and John Does. They should be people we admire and want to spend time with, like the few friends we have that we would cancel plans and drop everything for. Even antiheroes should be admirable in some way.
• Similarly, every hero or protagonist needs flaws. Balance the bad and good in every character in the book–even the minor ones. Make no one flat.
• Secondary characters are often one-dimensional, cliché. This is a major missed opportunity. Each should be 3D and memorable.
• When editing scenes, look for their turning points and focus the whole scene around them. This will clarify the purpose of each scene. In each, something or several somethings should change. A story is always in motion. Remember: change.
• Your book should include the “tornado effect.” This is the big event in the book that affects all of the characters. Show how it affects them, too; don’t just assume the reader gets it. Make it clear how the tornado changed everything.
• Good description attaches emotions to detail. Both are found together. Don’t have flat detail; have evocative detail.
• Characters should have opinions. This makes us want to get to know them. Don’t worry about being too controversial; remember, they’re just characters, not you.
• “The world of story is hyperreality. In a passionately told tale, characters are larger than life, what’s happening matters profoundly … and even the words on the page have a Day Go fluorescence.”
• “Great books are fast reads because there is tension in every line. Characters are always at odds, even if just mildly, as with conflict between friends. This is the secret to page-turning fiction.”
• “Micro-tension is the moment-by-moment tension that keeps the reader in a constant state of suspense over what will happen, not in the story but in the next few seconds.” Knowing whether or not guy gets girls doesn’t us for three hundred pages. Knowing who will win this little battle of minds in this scene keeps us there for that scene.

About the Author

Donald Maass is an American literary agent, author, and teacher known for his expertise in the field of writing and storytelling. He is also the founder and president of the Donald Maass Literary Agency, which represents a wide range of fiction and non-fiction authors. He has worked in the publishing industry for over forty years, helping authors navigate the publishing world and negotiate book deals.

In addition to his work as a literary agent, Maass is also a prolific author. He has written several books on writing and craft, including Writing the Breakout Novel, The Fire in Fiction, and The Emotional Craft of Fiction. These books offer insights, techniques, and exercises to help writers create compelling and emotionally resonant stories.

Maass is known for his deep understanding of storytelling and his ability to identify what makes a book stand out and connect with readers. He encourages authors to dig deeper, take risks, and infuse their writing with emotional depth and resonance.

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Manuscript Makeover: Revision Techniques No Fiction Writer Can Afford to Ignore by Elizabeth Lyon isn’t just about revision; it’s about writing. It’s a book on writing, with the revision angle. And it’s solid.

Read it because you want to learn the writing craft … or you just want to tell a better story.

Key Takeaways

• Know the difference between style and voice. Voice is unique to each author. Style can be captured in phrases or descriptions that apply to many different authors.
• When you do a read-aloud of your script, don’t perform it. Read it straight.
• Practice riff-writing. Riff writing is when you quickly flesh out a portion of an early draft that needs more depth or room. The author writes: “Most early drafts are ‘tight’—they are shells of what they need to be, outlines or condensed revisions of the full story … In twenty years as an independent editor, I ‘have rarely seen a manuscript overwritten …” Most are underwritten.
• Add conflict to every single page. Even in quiet scenes, show inner conflict. Conflict shouldn’t be too up and down, either—it should rise slowly, evenly.
• Avoid sagging middles. When conflict flattens out, or starts to go up and down, up and down endlessly without building, “… the reader will at some point get tired rather than more deeply worried about the outcome.”
• The first chapter should raise lots of questions in the mind of the reader. Hook them good, right away with the main question of the book that’s not answered till the end.
• The protagonist needs a backstory wound (one that is emotional in nature), as well as a universal need or personal yearning.
• To learn more about great storytelling, read Newberry Award-winning books. Young adults are a hard audience to capture, and the way these books do it is highly instructive.

About the Author

A writing teacher and book editor since 1988, Elizabeth Lyon is the author of half a dozen books on how to write, revise, and market novels and nonfiction. In Manuscript Makeover, Lyon offers aspiring novelists the guidance and instruction they need to write and edit well-crafted and compelling stories that will stand out from the competition and attract the attention of agents and publishers.

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Home Grown: Adventures in Parenting off the Beaten Path, Unschooling, and Reconnecting with the Natural World is a book by one of my favorite people I’ve never met. Ben Hewitt is a homesteader, a homeschooling parent and a damn good writer. Everything of his is inspiring. Here he describes the unique way he raised his kids: on a large farm, with lots of books and a little tutoring.

Key Quotes

• “I think of the way I’m so often caught off guard by some small, commonplace moment: the sight of our pet Muscovy duck, Web, waddling across the pasture; or seeing Fin and Rye moving over the land together on their way to or from the woods. From the way their heads are tipped just the slightest bit toward one another, I know they are talking. Sometimes, I cannot even identify a trigger, like when I am walking down the farm road and I am suddenly swept by a sense of knowing my place. Not just in the here and now, but in the grand, infinite scheme of things and forces far beyond my capacity to even imagine.”
• “What I gain from these moments—the quick bloom of warmth they bring, the quiet sense of knowing that there is nothing else I need—cannot be readily measured, and because it cannot be measured, it cannot be traded. It is my own wealth. It is unique to me and therefore it is secure.”
• “When I explain my children’s unconventional educational path, I am often confronted with skepticism. ‘What if they want to be doctors?’ people say. ‘How do they learn?’ I am asked. ‘What if they want to go to college? Don’t you worry about socialization?’ I have heard these questions so often that it is almost as if I can see the thought as it migrates from brain to tongue. I can hear the question before the question has been asked. The answers to these questions are at once simple (respectively: ‘If they want to be doctors, they will.’ ‘They learn because learning cannot be helped.’ ‘If they want to go to college, no one will be able to stop them.’ And ‘No, we are not worried about their socialization. Don’t you worry about what schoolchildren are socialized to?’) and complex.”
• “Still, I can’t help but think of how my own sense of discernment over my time has shaped my life, and generally for the better. I did not like school, so I walked away from it. I did not like working for others, so I chose not to. I do not like to spend a lot of time indoors, so I don’t. The truth is, I want to live the way I want to live, conventions be damned, and I can only hope for my sons to know they can be so free.”
• “I have no doubt that if Fin had been sent to a public school, he would have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and summarily prescribed behavior-modifying drugs.”
• “And what we observed was that the son we worried would never be able to quiet his body and mind enough to concentrate on a particular task was actually capable of tremendous focus. Liberated from paint, paper, and all assumptions about how he should learn, Fin immersed himself in projects that seemed to blossom from some primal place deep inside him. At first, these projects had no discernible end: He spent hours hammering nails into a single piece of wood, or whittling a stick until it was so thin it splintered in his hand. But gradually, his pursuits became tangible. He built bows, spending hours carving and sanding. He became an expert at making cordage from gossamer threads of cedar bark.”
• “Sometimes the greatest blessings come disguised as inconveniences.”
• “There’s another part to it, and I think it’s that chores are an assumption of responsibility in a world that can sometimes feel devoid of such a thing. In a sense, chores are homage to the animals and crops under our care, the fulfillment of a silent promise not only to them but also to ourselves. It’s a promise not to take anything for granted, and that we won’t forget—for this one day, at least—that we are merely a part of something bigger than we can even imagine.”
• “You might ask, ‘What is the point of knowing these things?’ To which I can only answer, ‘What is the point of knowing anything?’ By extension, we might both ask, ‘What is the point of an education?’ Is it to be socialized to a particular set of expectations? Is it to continue sawing at the few frayed strands still connecting us to the natural world? Is it to learn that learning happens best under the gaze of a specialist? If so, then perhaps you are correct. There is no point to my sons knowing what fox pee smells like, or which of the wild mushrooms in our forest are edible, or how to make fire from sticks. There is no point to the ease and comfort with which they move through the wilderness. There is no point to their desire to help our neighbor get his hay under cover before the rain comes. There is no point to their boundless curiosity regarding the habits of the woodland animals. There is no point to all the little shelters and tools they’ve built.”

About the Author

Ben Hewitt is an American author, journalist, and homesteader known for his works exploring alternative lifestyles, sustainable living, and the connection between humans and the natural world. He resides in Vermont, where he and his family have embraced a self-sufficient and off-grid lifestyle.

Hewitt has written several books that offer insights into his personal experiences and reflections on living close to nature and pursuing a simpler way of life. His works often blend memoir, philosophy, and environmentalism to explore themes such as sustainable agriculture, homeschooling, and the importance of community.

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There are a lot of inspirational books on creativity out there, but my favorite is this one: Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by the wonderful Elizabeth Gilbert. The reason I like it is that it doesn’t talk about how hard it is to be creative. It talks about inner resistance a bit, with the author concluding that writer’s block and other names given to the resistance is a bit … overrated.

Work hard, Gilbert advises. Be consistent. Show up. Do that, and you’re most of the way there. Woody Allen said that, but Gilbert expands on the idea in that authentic, heartfelt voice we love her for.

Key Takeaways

• Perfectionism is ego. Don’t fall into this trap. Make peace with the paradox that what you’re doing is infinitely important, and at the same time, completely irrelevant to anyone but you.
• You don’t need permission to create. You also don’t need feedback, or fans.
• Originality is not possible; all ideas have been done. Instead, reach for authenticity.
• Don’t create in order to help people or make money. Create because you like it. Then you’ll accidentally make stuff that help people, or at least entertain them genuinely.
• The suffering artist is a myth. Depression is demotivating. People who created alongside depression and despair probably did it in spite of their emotional state, not because of it.
• You are qualified enough. Men tend to think they’re qualified enough if they’re 41 percent of the way there. Women tend to wait till they’re 99 percent of the way there to consider feeling qualified enough.
• Creativity comes in many forms. So does art. Don’t limit yourself.
• The best artists often don’t seem to be the best or smartest or most educated. Talent picks randomly and surprises us.
• Fear might always be with you as you create. Welcome it. Acknowledge its presence. It’s along for the ride and part of the family. But it doesn’t get to choose the station, fiddle with the A/C … and it certainly doesn’t get to drive. That’d be like giving the wheel to a three-year-old.

About the Author

Elizabeth Gilbert is an American author, best known for her memoir “Eat, Pray, Love,” which became a worldwide bestseller and was later adapted into a film starring Julia Roberts. The memoir chronicled Gilbert’s personal journey of self-discovery, as she traveled to Italy, India, and Indonesia after a difficult divorce. The book resonated with readers around the world, becoming a phenomenal success and remaining on the New York Times Best Seller list for more than 200 weeks.

Elizabeth Gilbert’s writing often explores themes of love, spirituality, self-discovery, and personal growth. Her works have been praised for their honesty, wit, and ability to resonate with readers on a deep emotional level. Gilbert continues to write and speak publicly about creativity, personal development, and the pursuit of a fulfilling life.

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Grapevine: The New Art of Word-of-Mouth Marketing by Dave Balter and John Butman makes an excellent point: the best marketing in the world—the most effective, the most reliable—is word-of-mouth marketing. The problem: advertisers can’t drum it up, no matter how hard they try. Lasting, powerful word-of-mouth happens only when products and services are the real deal.

Read this book because you’re interested in marketing and business … or maybe because you just want people to start commenting on your YouTube videos already.

Key Takeaways

• Genuine word-of-mouth is not “buzz.” It’s not the latest thing that everyone is talking about right now. It goes far deeper than that, and lasts longer.
• People love talking about the stuff they buy. We do it all of the time. But why? The reasons are discussed in Grapevine. They include: the desire to educate or help, the desire to prove our knowledge, the desire to find common ground, the desire to validate our own opinions, and the pride of ownership.
• Notable quote: “There’s a tiny part of the brain, the hypothalamus, that among other things helps regulate sexual urges, thirst and hunger, maternal behavior, aggression, pleasure, and to some degree your prosperity to refer. The hypothalamus likes validation – it registers pleasure in doing good and being recognized for it, and it’s home to the need to belong to something greater than ourselves. This is the social drive for making referrals.”

About the Authors

Dave Balter is a seasoned entrepreneur and founder of multiple successful companies. He has a deep understanding of consumer behavior and marketing strategies, with a particular focus on word-of-mouth marketing and customer engagement. Balter is known for his innovative approaches to building brands and creating impactful marketing campaigns. He has authored the book “Grapevine: The New Art of Word-of-Mouth Marketing,” where he shares insights and strategies for harnessing the power of word-of-mouth to drive business growth.

John Butman is a renowned author and storytelling expert. He specializes in helping individuals and organizations communicate their ideas effectively through compelling narratives. Butman’s expertise lies in the intersection of business, leadership, and storytelling, and he has collaborated with numerous executives and entrepreneurs to develop their communication skills and craft powerful narratives. He has co-authored several books, including “Breaking Out: How to Build Influence in a World of Competing Ideas,” which offers practical advice on storytelling and thought leadership.

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His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a popular marriage book–and for good reason. It’s basic point: partnership isn’t all about love and self-sacrifice; in order to have a good relationship, we have to get our needs met. It’s a good choice for the newly engaged, but any partners can benefit.

Key Takeaways

• Like it or not, relationships function in a give-and-take way. This phenomenon can nearly be quantified.
• My favorite quote of the book: “Figuratively speaking, I believe each of us has a Love Bank. It contains many different accounts, one for each person we know. Each person makes either deposits or withdrawals whenever we interact with him or her. Pleasurable interactions cause deposits, and painful interactions cause withdrawals … In short, your needs keep score.”
• Since this is the case, it’s vital to keep your account and your spouse’s account balanced, so that neither feels like they’re getting cheated or going broke.
• There are several key needs that partners have in their relationships, and people prioritize these needs differently. It’s important for couples in long-term relationships to identify their most important needs and show their partners how to help provide them.
• These key needs include, but are not limited to, the following: quality time, physical intimacy, financial security, good conversation, shared fun and more)
• Harley recommends that couples rate each of their needs and discuss them at length with their partners.

About the Author

Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a renowned author, psychologist, and marriage counselor known for his expertise in marital relationships and relationship counseling. With over five decades of experience in the field, Harley has dedicated his career to helping couples build and maintain strong, fulfilling marriages.

Throughout his career, Harley has authored numerous other influential books on relationships, including “Love Busters” and “Five Steps to Romantic Love.” His writings offer practical advice and guidance on addressing common challenges and conflicts that couples face, such as communication issues, conflicts over money, and infidelity.

Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It is pretty darn controversial. Still, most of what the great Gary Taubes says is true. Though I’m unsure where I stand on the whole vegetarian versus low-carb/Paleo debate, it seems clear that blood sugar spikes are a bad thing. Read the book closely and draw your own conclusions.

Key Takeaways

• Excess calories aren’t what make us gain weight.
• Low-fat diets definitely don’t help us lose wight.
• The calorie theory of weight loss is garbage science.
• According to an early ‘90s collection of National Institutes of Health studies, even while dieting, people often gain weight and lose muscle.
• Exercise doesn’t work either; it simply makes us want to eat more.
• Our bodies, not our calorie intake, regulate our weight. If that weren’t so, the couple of extra calories per day that lead to a yearly weight gain would almost guarantee we were all overweight.
• The energy we spend and consume are dependent variables; one affects the other.
• Of course, the type of food also matters. Carbs release much more insulin than protein or fat, and insulin is the fat-storing hormone.
• Meat was the preferred calorie source in prehistoric times.
• On a comprehensive analysis of 229 hunter-gatherer populations from 2000: “When averaged all together, these hunter-gatherer populations consumed about two-thirds of their total calories from animal foods and one-third from plants.”

About the Author

Gary Taubes is an acclaimed American author, journalist, and investigative science writer known for his influential work on nutrition, health, and obesity. With a keen interest in challenging conventional beliefs, Taubes has delved deep into the complex world of dietary science, challenging the prevailing notions about the causes and treatment of obesity. He has written extensively on the subject, analyzing the role of carbohydrates, sugar, and insulin in weight gain and exploring the potential benefits of low-carbohydrate and ketogenic diets. Taubes is widely recognized for his meticulous research, engaging writing style, and ability to present complex scientific concepts in a compelling manner, making him a prominent figure in the field of nutrition and health journalism. His thought-provoking books, including Good Calories, Bad Calories and The Case Against Sugar, have sparked widespread discussion and influenced public understanding of nutrition and the obesity epidemic. Through his work, Taubes continues to challenge prevailing beliefs and encourage critical thinking about the role of diet and nutrition in our overall health and well-being.

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I couldn’t admire an author more than I admire the great Ben Hewitt. I love his intelligent, writerly style, but it’s the content that really gets me. If you’re interested in homeschooling or simple living, all of his books are well worth a read. The Nourishing Homestead: One Back-to-the-Land Family’s Plan for Cultivating Soil, Skills, and Spirit is particularly info-heavy, which I like, which is why I chose it as the book to feature in my highlights here.

Key Quotes

• On connection to the land: “To us, making a life means living in a way that feels connected. Connected to the land, to animals both wild and domestic, to community, to seasons and celebrations, and to the food we eat. It means living in a way that affords us the time to follow our passions and to feel as if the work we do nurtures our bodies, minds, and spirits, rather than depleting them. It means waking up every morning looking forward to what the day will bring and going to bed every night satisfied with what was delivered. It means living in a way that enables us to act from a place of kindness and generosity, in part because we have seen that when we act from a place of kindness and generosity, these things are returned to us tenfold and in part because kindness and generosity feel a heck of a lot better than meanness and stinginess. To us, a meaningful life is one that includes vigorous physical labor in the pursuit of food, shelter, and heat, because we understand that this labor is not an inconvenience but a gift. It is a life in which all of the aforementioned aspects come together in a way that does not merely inform the way we live, but also actually becomes the way we live.”
• On freedom: “When the subject of travel comes up, I often explain our choices in terms of exchange. Which is to say, we’ve exchanged the freedom of easy and frequent travel for a different sort of freedom. The different sort of freedom I’m talking about is not quite so easy to explain, particularly in a society that celebrates the transitory freedom of easy travel. The freedom I’m talking about comes from connection to a particular place. It comes of spending one’s days immersed in that place, in its nooks and crannies, hollows and swells, woods and fields. It comes of waking every morning—or most mornings, at least—with a sense of anticipation for what the day holds, for all the small tasks and moments that await. It comes of walking down to the cows in the hesitant light of almost dawn. It comes of knowing where the chanterelle mushrooms are emerging from the forest floor, of following a fresh set of moose tracks with your eight-year-old son until you feel like not following them, of returning from morning chores with your hatful of mushrooms and a quartet of fresh eggs and setting them on the ground, stripping down to your birthday suit, and cannonballing into the pond. This freedom comes of ritual and routine, not in service to the contrived arrangements of the modern economy, but in accordance with nature’s cycles and forces . . . And when there’s no one to tell you your time should be spent otherwise, there’s not much of a need for vacation. There’s not the same desire to get away.”
• On food industrialization: “It is infuriating to me that we have arrived at a place where the fundamental right to feed ourselves as we wish has been largely eroded. At this very moment, I could leave my house, drive a handful of miles, and purchase a semiautomatic handgun, a carton of unfiltered cigarettes, and a fifth of whiskey. Yet I can’t legally sell the butter I make at any price. I can’t legally sell a home-butchered hog or even a single link of the excellent (if I do say so myself) sausage we make.”
• On safety and child-rearing: “This is a huge subject, but in short, Penny and I believe the invisible psychic and emotional risk of not exposing our children to these tools and tasks is far greater and ultimately more damaging than the risk of bodily injury. Furthermore, because the latter risk is the one that seems most visceral—after all, wounds to the psyche don’t bleed—we grant it more power than it deserves. It is difficult to see a child’s eroding sense of confidence and to articulate all the risks of that erosion; it is not difficult to see the wound left by the knife’s blade or from falling out of a tree.”

About the Author

Ben Hewitt is an American author known for his non-fiction, memoir, and nature writing that explores self-reliance, sustainable living, and the connection between humans and the natural world. Hewitt gained recognition with his book The Town That Food Saved: How One Community Found Vitality in Local Food, about small-scale agriculture in Vermont. Another notable book of his is Saved: How I Quit Worrying About Money and Became the Richest Guy in the World, a memoir that discusses the author’s simple, anti-consumerist, anti-materialist, self-reliant lifestyle.

One of my favorite marriage books is also one of the more controversial of the genre: Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice: Hormonal Balance–The Key to Life, Love and Energy by John Gray. If you are uncomfortable with frank discussions of innate gender differences, this might not be the book for you; otherwise, have at it. It’s practical advice with a good bit of hard science to back it up. As always, take generalizations with a grain of salt. This author sometimes gets too excited about his points and doesn’t present any opposing details.

Main Takeaways

• Some of the differences between men and women are due to differences in hormones—both in their levels and in the ways they behave in their bodies.
• When feeling stressed, men often seek testosterone-raising and testosterone-releasing activities. When feeling stressed, women often seek oxytocin-raising and oxytocin-releasing activities.
• For men, testosterone is released during work-like, problem-solving activities and raised during rest/zone-out/no-talking time.
• Women are different. “Testosterone feels good to her because it gives her a sense of power and capability and makes her feel sexy, but it doesn’t lower her stress level.” It may even raise it.
• Instead, women seek oxytocin raising activities—primarily talking and bonding—and oxytocin-releasing activities—care giving.
• Men are different. “Oxytocin feels good to him, increasing his tendencies toward trust, empathy, and generosity, but … [it] doesn’t lower his stress level.” it may even raise it by lowering his testosterone.
• Cortisol, the stress hormone, is only good for them in a true emergency. As a daily response to modern life, it prevents people—both men and women—from maintaining healthy levels of their other needed hormones because the body prioritizes the making of it. Thus, when we’re stressed out, they feel the need to engage in even more oxytocin-raising and -releasing activities (for women), and even more testosterone-raising and -releasing activities (for men). Soon, their schedules are fuller than ever, and they become even more stressed out.
• Tomorrow morning, you are going to have to wake up. You’re going to have to take the baby to the park and to the playdate you have scheduled, and pretend that everything is fine. How are you going to get through it? How in the world are you going to get out of bed, knowing the foundation of your life—your marriage—is crumbling?
• Though the hormonal needs of individuals vary widely (some women need more testosterone than other women and some men need more oxytocin than other men), these needs explain the presence of traditional gender roles. Women enjoy nurturing others, then being nurtured through conversation and relationship, while men enjoy working and problem-solving, then spending time alone to rest.
• Women aren’t cranky—their serotonin is depleted due to stress and fluctuating blood sugar levels.
• Men aren’t lazy—they are chemically built to need more time off.
• Women don’t prioritize chores over self-care—they choose to release oxytocin by taking care of the home environment.
• Men aren’t insensitive—they don’t crave the bonding women do.
• Women don’t want to avoid sex—they need oxytocin-building, caring words and actions in order to get in the mood.
• Women don’t overreact—they experience a larger response in the brain when under stress than men do.
• Women don’t complain endlessly—they talk about their feelings at length in order to rebuild their relaxing oxytocin.
• Men don’t procrastinate—they choose to rebuild their testosterone levels through rest. They put off doing chores until an emergency, at which point their testosterone kicks in and tells them to act.
• Women don’t worry an unreasonable amount—they simply enjoy nurturing others and thinking about their needs.

About the Author

John Gray is the author of several self-help books that offer practical advice on how men and women can communicate more effectively, appreciate each other’s differences, and develop stronger connections. One of his first books, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, was published in 1992 and became an instant bestseller. In the book, Gray presents the idea that men and women have fundamentally different emotional needs, communication styles, and approaches to relationships. He suggests that understanding these differences and learning to bridge the gap can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Only Malcom Gladwell could make ketchup seem fascinating. In What the Dog Saw and Other Adventures, he starts off by discussing the “ketchup conundrum”–and from there, keeps the surprises coming.

Read this collection of New Yorker pieces because your Psychology 101 class focused mostly on Freud and behaviorism, and you want to learn more about how psychology works in the modern world.

Key Takeaways

• Why is ketchup one of the few sauces without much competition? It’s called the “ketchup conundrum.” Most people view the Heinz recipe as the only real ketchup. When other companies try to create ketchup varieties, they’re no longer seen as ketchup, but instead as a different kind of sauce entirely.
• When making decisions, there are perils in too much information, too little information, and information gathered from images (like mammograms). Getting the right amount and kind of information is a tricky challenge in both business and in personal life.
• Homelessness isn’t an unsolvable problem. With less governmental redundancy, it could be easily and affordably solved–and at least one city has done so.
• Plagarism is a tricky concept that is partly defined by tradition–and a gut check. Sometimes, what logically seems like plagarism isn’t.
• There are two ways to flub a stressful moment: choking (thinking too much) and panicking (ceasing to think). They happen for very different reasons.
• Some disasters, like the Challenger failure, can’t ever be fully and reliably prevented. Eventually, little problems, such as those in management and communication, add up.
• Don’t base hiring choices on interviews. Often, the best candidates are those who don’t do well in face-to-face interviews. Look at skill instead. Better yet, offer candidates trial employment and let them learn on the job.
• Geniuses are usually late bloomers–not precocious children, despite what our cultural stories tell us about our intellectual heroes. (This includes Mozart.)
• Other essays discuss how various businesses and products succeed, including a short seller, a pitch man for kitchen appliances, hair dye advertising slogans, the birth control pill and the methods used by the Dog Whisperer.
• Gladwell also discusses the limits and disadvantages of criminal profiling; why it’s so hard to “connect the dots” to find criminals; and what pitbulls teach us about crime.

About the Author

Malcolm Gladwell, a renowned author, journalist, and public intellectual, is celebrated for his captivating storytelling and thought-provoking insights. His works, such as “The Tipping Point,” “Outliers,” and “Blink,” have gained global acclaim for their innovative perspectives on social sciences, psychology, and human behavior. Gladwell’s writing seamlessly blends engaging narratives with rigorous research, reshaping our understanding of the world and inspiring critical thinking. As a captivating public speaker and host of the popular podcast “Revisionist History,” Gladwell continues to shed light on intricate social phenomena, challenge conventional wisdom, and encourage listeners to question established narratives. With his unique blend of storytelling, meticulous research, and profound understanding of human nature, Malcolm Gladwell has emerged as a leading figure in contemporary intellectual discourse, leaving a lasting impact on popular culture.

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