Tag Archives: Self-Improvement

Manuscript Makeover: Revision Techniques No Fiction Writer Can Afford to Ignore by Elizabeth Lyon isn’t just about revision; it’s about writing. It’s a book on writing, with the revision angle. And it’s solid.

Read it because you want to learn the writing craft … or you just want to tell a better story.

Key Takeaways

• Know the difference between style and voice. Voice is unique to each author. Style can be captured in phrases or descriptions that apply to many different authors.
• When you do a read-aloud of your script, don’t perform it. Read it straight.
• Practice riff-writing. Riff writing is when you quickly flesh out a portion of an early draft that needs more depth or room. The author writes: “Most early drafts are ‘tight’—they are shells of what they need to be, outlines or condensed revisions of the full story … In twenty years as an independent editor, I ‘have rarely seen a manuscript overwritten …” Most are underwritten.
• Add conflict to every single page. Even in quiet scenes, show inner conflict. Conflict shouldn’t be too up and down, either—it should rise slowly, evenly.
• Avoid sagging middles. When conflict flattens out, or starts to go up and down, up and down endlessly without building, “… the reader will at some point get tired rather than more deeply worried about the outcome.”
• The first chapter should raise lots of questions in the mind of the reader. Hook them good, right away with the main question of the book that’s not answered till the end.
• The protagonist needs a backstory wound (one that is emotional in nature), as well as a universal need or personal yearning.
• To learn more about great storytelling, read Newberry Award-winning books. Young adults are a hard audience to capture, and the way these books do it is highly instructive.

About the Author

A writing teacher and book editor since 1988, Elizabeth Lyon is the author of half a dozen books on how to write, revise, and market novels and nonfiction. In Manuscript Makeover, Lyon offers aspiring novelists the guidance and instruction they need to write and edit well-crafted and compelling stories that will stand out from the competition and attract the attention of agents and publishers.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.

Home Grown: Adventures in Parenting off the Beaten Path, Unschooling, and Reconnecting with the Natural World is a book by one of my favorite people I’ve never met. Ben Hewitt is a homesteader, a homeschooling parent and a damn good writer. Everything of his is inspiring. Here he describes the unique way he raised his kids: on a large farm, with lots of books and a little tutoring.

Key Quotes

• “I think of the way I’m so often caught off guard by some small, commonplace moment: the sight of our pet Muscovy duck, Web, waddling across the pasture; or seeing Fin and Rye moving over the land together on their way to or from the woods. From the way their heads are tipped just the slightest bit toward one another, I know they are talking. Sometimes, I cannot even identify a trigger, like when I am walking down the farm road and I am suddenly swept by a sense of knowing my place. Not just in the here and now, but in the grand, infinite scheme of things and forces far beyond my capacity to even imagine.”
• “What I gain from these moments—the quick bloom of warmth they bring, the quiet sense of knowing that there is nothing else I need—cannot be readily measured, and because it cannot be measured, it cannot be traded. It is my own wealth. It is unique to me and therefore it is secure.”
• “When I explain my children’s unconventional educational path, I am often confronted with skepticism. ‘What if they want to be doctors?’ people say. ‘How do they learn?’ I am asked. ‘What if they want to go to college? Don’t you worry about socialization?’ I have heard these questions so often that it is almost as if I can see the thought as it migrates from brain to tongue. I can hear the question before the question has been asked. The answers to these questions are at once simple (respectively: ‘If they want to be doctors, they will.’ ‘They learn because learning cannot be helped.’ ‘If they want to go to college, no one will be able to stop them.’ And ‘No, we are not worried about their socialization. Don’t you worry about what schoolchildren are socialized to?’) and complex.”
• “Still, I can’t help but think of how my own sense of discernment over my time has shaped my life, and generally for the better. I did not like school, so I walked away from it. I did not like working for others, so I chose not to. I do not like to spend a lot of time indoors, so I don’t. The truth is, I want to live the way I want to live, conventions be damned, and I can only hope for my sons to know they can be so free.”
• “I have no doubt that if Fin had been sent to a public school, he would have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and summarily prescribed behavior-modifying drugs.”
• “And what we observed was that the son we worried would never be able to quiet his body and mind enough to concentrate on a particular task was actually capable of tremendous focus. Liberated from paint, paper, and all assumptions about how he should learn, Fin immersed himself in projects that seemed to blossom from some primal place deep inside him. At first, these projects had no discernible end: He spent hours hammering nails into a single piece of wood, or whittling a stick until it was so thin it splintered in his hand. But gradually, his pursuits became tangible. He built bows, spending hours carving and sanding. He became an expert at making cordage from gossamer threads of cedar bark.”
• “Sometimes the greatest blessings come disguised as inconveniences.”
• “There’s another part to it, and I think it’s that chores are an assumption of responsibility in a world that can sometimes feel devoid of such a thing. In a sense, chores are homage to the animals and crops under our care, the fulfillment of a silent promise not only to them but also to ourselves. It’s a promise not to take anything for granted, and that we won’t forget—for this one day, at least—that we are merely a part of something bigger than we can even imagine.”
• “You might ask, ‘What is the point of knowing these things?’ To which I can only answer, ‘What is the point of knowing anything?’ By extension, we might both ask, ‘What is the point of an education?’ Is it to be socialized to a particular set of expectations? Is it to continue sawing at the few frayed strands still connecting us to the natural world? Is it to learn that learning happens best under the gaze of a specialist? If so, then perhaps you are correct. There is no point to my sons knowing what fox pee smells like, or which of the wild mushrooms in our forest are edible, or how to make fire from sticks. There is no point to the ease and comfort with which they move through the wilderness. There is no point to their desire to help our neighbor get his hay under cover before the rain comes. There is no point to their boundless curiosity regarding the habits of the woodland animals. There is no point to all the little shelters and tools they’ve built.”

About the Author

Ben Hewitt is an American author, journalist, and homesteader known for his works exploring alternative lifestyles, sustainable living, and the connection between humans and the natural world. He resides in Vermont, where he and his family have embraced a self-sufficient and off-grid lifestyle.

Hewitt has written several books that offer insights into his personal experiences and reflections on living close to nature and pursuing a simpler way of life. His works often blend memoir, philosophy, and environmentalism to explore themes such as sustainable agriculture, homeschooling, and the importance of community.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.

There are a lot of inspirational books on creativity out there, but my favorite is this one: Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by the wonderful Elizabeth Gilbert. The reason I like it is that it doesn’t talk about how hard it is to be creative. It talks about inner resistance a bit, with the author concluding that writer’s block and other names given to the resistance is a bit … overrated.

Work hard, Gilbert advises. Be consistent. Show up. Do that, and you’re most of the way there. Woody Allen said that, but Gilbert expands on the idea in that authentic, heartfelt voice we love her for.

Key Takeaways

• Perfectionism is ego. Don’t fall into this trap. Make peace with the paradox that what you’re doing is infinitely important, and at the same time, completely irrelevant to anyone but you.
• You don’t need permission to create. You also don’t need feedback, or fans.
• Originality is not possible; all ideas have been done. Instead, reach for authenticity.
• Don’t create in order to help people or make money. Create because you like it. Then you’ll accidentally make stuff that help people, or at least entertain them genuinely.
• The suffering artist is a myth. Depression is demotivating. People who created alongside depression and despair probably did it in spite of their emotional state, not because of it.
• You are qualified enough. Men tend to think they’re qualified enough if they’re 41 percent of the way there. Women tend to wait till they’re 99 percent of the way there to consider feeling qualified enough.
• Creativity comes in many forms. So does art. Don’t limit yourself.
• The best artists often don’t seem to be the best or smartest or most educated. Talent picks randomly and surprises us.
• Fear might always be with you as you create. Welcome it. Acknowledge its presence. It’s along for the ride and part of the family. But it doesn’t get to choose the station, fiddle with the A/C … and it certainly doesn’t get to drive. That’d be like giving the wheel to a three-year-old.

About the Author

Elizabeth Gilbert is an American author, best known for her memoir “Eat, Pray, Love,” which became a worldwide bestseller and was later adapted into a film starring Julia Roberts. The memoir chronicled Gilbert’s personal journey of self-discovery, as she traveled to Italy, India, and Indonesia after a difficult divorce. The book resonated with readers around the world, becoming a phenomenal success and remaining on the New York Times Best Seller list for more than 200 weeks.

Elizabeth Gilbert’s writing often explores themes of love, spirituality, self-discovery, and personal growth. Her works have been praised for their honesty, wit, and ability to resonate with readers on a deep emotional level. Gilbert continues to write and speak publicly about creativity, personal development, and the pursuit of a fulfilling life.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.

Grapevine: The New Art of Word-of-Mouth Marketing by Dave Balter and John Butman makes an excellent point: the best marketing in the world—the most effective, the most reliable—is word-of-mouth marketing. The problem: advertisers can’t drum it up, no matter how hard they try. Lasting, powerful word-of-mouth happens only when products and services are the real deal.

Read this book because you’re interested in marketing and business … or maybe because you just want people to start commenting on your YouTube videos already.

Key Takeaways

• Genuine word-of-mouth is not “buzz.” It’s not the latest thing that everyone is talking about right now. It goes far deeper than that, and lasts longer.
• People love talking about the stuff they buy. We do it all of the time. But why? The reasons are discussed in Grapevine. They include: the desire to educate or help, the desire to prove our knowledge, the desire to find common ground, the desire to validate our own opinions, and the pride of ownership.
• Notable quote: “There’s a tiny part of the brain, the hypothalamus, that among other things helps regulate sexual urges, thirst and hunger, maternal behavior, aggression, pleasure, and to some degree your prosperity to refer. The hypothalamus likes validation – it registers pleasure in doing good and being recognized for it, and it’s home to the need to belong to something greater than ourselves. This is the social drive for making referrals.”

About the Authors

Dave Balter is a seasoned entrepreneur and founder of multiple successful companies. He has a deep understanding of consumer behavior and marketing strategies, with a particular focus on word-of-mouth marketing and customer engagement. Balter is known for his innovative approaches to building brands and creating impactful marketing campaigns. He has authored the book “Grapevine: The New Art of Word-of-Mouth Marketing,” where he shares insights and strategies for harnessing the power of word-of-mouth to drive business growth.

John Butman is a renowned author and storytelling expert. He specializes in helping individuals and organizations communicate their ideas effectively through compelling narratives. Butman’s expertise lies in the intersection of business, leadership, and storytelling, and he has collaborated with numerous executives and entrepreneurs to develop their communication skills and craft powerful narratives. He has co-authored several books, including “Breaking Out: How to Build Influence in a World of Competing Ideas,” which offers practical advice on storytelling and thought leadership.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a popular marriage book–and for good reason. It’s basic point: partnership isn’t all about love and self-sacrifice; in order to have a good relationship, we have to get our needs met. It’s a good choice for the newly engaged, but any partners can benefit.

Key Takeaways

• Like it or not, relationships function in a give-and-take way. This phenomenon can nearly be quantified.
• My favorite quote of the book: “Figuratively speaking, I believe each of us has a Love Bank. It contains many different accounts, one for each person we know. Each person makes either deposits or withdrawals whenever we interact with him or her. Pleasurable interactions cause deposits, and painful interactions cause withdrawals … In short, your needs keep score.”
• Since this is the case, it’s vital to keep your account and your spouse’s account balanced, so that neither feels like they’re getting cheated or going broke.
• There are several key needs that partners have in their relationships, and people prioritize these needs differently. It’s important for couples in long-term relationships to identify their most important needs and show their partners how to help provide them.
• These key needs include, but are not limited to, the following: quality time, physical intimacy, financial security, good conversation, shared fun and more)
• Harley recommends that couples rate each of their needs and discuss them at length with their partners.

About the Author

Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a renowned author, psychologist, and marriage counselor known for his expertise in marital relationships and relationship counseling. With over five decades of experience in the field, Harley has dedicated his career to helping couples build and maintain strong, fulfilling marriages.

Throughout his career, Harley has authored numerous other influential books on relationships, including “Love Busters” and “Five Steps to Romantic Love.” His writings offer practical advice and guidance on addressing common challenges and conflicts that couples face, such as communication issues, conflicts over money, and infidelity.

Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It is pretty darn controversial. Still, most of what the great Gary Taubes says is true. Though I’m unsure where I stand on the whole vegetarian versus low-carb/Paleo debate, it seems clear that blood sugar spikes are a bad thing. Read the book closely and draw your own conclusions.

Key Takeaways

• Excess calories aren’t what make us gain weight.
• Low-fat diets definitely don’t help us lose wight.
• The calorie theory of weight loss is garbage science.
• According to an early ‘90s collection of National Institutes of Health studies, even while dieting, people often gain weight and lose muscle.
• Exercise doesn’t work either; it simply makes us want to eat more.
• Our bodies, not our calorie intake, regulate our weight. If that weren’t so, the couple of extra calories per day that lead to a yearly weight gain would almost guarantee we were all overweight.
• The energy we spend and consume are dependent variables; one affects the other.
• Of course, the type of food also matters. Carbs release much more insulin than protein or fat, and insulin is the fat-storing hormone.
• Meat was the preferred calorie source in prehistoric times.
• On a comprehensive analysis of 229 hunter-gatherer populations from 2000: “When averaged all together, these hunter-gatherer populations consumed about two-thirds of their total calories from animal foods and one-third from plants.”

About the Author

Gary Taubes is an acclaimed American author, journalist, and investigative science writer known for his influential work on nutrition, health, and obesity. With a keen interest in challenging conventional beliefs, Taubes has delved deep into the complex world of dietary science, challenging the prevailing notions about the causes and treatment of obesity. He has written extensively on the subject, analyzing the role of carbohydrates, sugar, and insulin in weight gain and exploring the potential benefits of low-carbohydrate and ketogenic diets. Taubes is widely recognized for his meticulous research, engaging writing style, and ability to present complex scientific concepts in a compelling manner, making him a prominent figure in the field of nutrition and health journalism. His thought-provoking books, including Good Calories, Bad Calories and The Case Against Sugar, have sparked widespread discussion and influenced public understanding of nutrition and the obesity epidemic. Through his work, Taubes continues to challenge prevailing beliefs and encourage critical thinking about the role of diet and nutrition in our overall health and well-being.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.

I couldn’t admire an author more than I admire the great Ben Hewitt. I love his intelligent, writerly style, but it’s the content that really gets me. If you’re interested in homeschooling or simple living, all of his books are well worth a read. The Nourishing Homestead: One Back-to-the-Land Family’s Plan for Cultivating Soil, Skills, and Spirit is particularly info-heavy, which I like, which is why I chose it as the book to feature in my highlights here.

Key Quotes

• On connection to the land: “To us, making a life means living in a way that feels connected. Connected to the land, to animals both wild and domestic, to community, to seasons and celebrations, and to the food we eat. It means living in a way that affords us the time to follow our passions and to feel as if the work we do nurtures our bodies, minds, and spirits, rather than depleting them. It means waking up every morning looking forward to what the day will bring and going to bed every night satisfied with what was delivered. It means living in a way that enables us to act from a place of kindness and generosity, in part because we have seen that when we act from a place of kindness and generosity, these things are returned to us tenfold and in part because kindness and generosity feel a heck of a lot better than meanness and stinginess. To us, a meaningful life is one that includes vigorous physical labor in the pursuit of food, shelter, and heat, because we understand that this labor is not an inconvenience but a gift. It is a life in which all of the aforementioned aspects come together in a way that does not merely inform the way we live, but also actually becomes the way we live.”
• On freedom: “When the subject of travel comes up, I often explain our choices in terms of exchange. Which is to say, we’ve exchanged the freedom of easy and frequent travel for a different sort of freedom. The different sort of freedom I’m talking about is not quite so easy to explain, particularly in a society that celebrates the transitory freedom of easy travel. The freedom I’m talking about comes from connection to a particular place. It comes of spending one’s days immersed in that place, in its nooks and crannies, hollows and swells, woods and fields. It comes of waking every morning—or most mornings, at least—with a sense of anticipation for what the day holds, for all the small tasks and moments that await. It comes of walking down to the cows in the hesitant light of almost dawn. It comes of knowing where the chanterelle mushrooms are emerging from the forest floor, of following a fresh set of moose tracks with your eight-year-old son until you feel like not following them, of returning from morning chores with your hatful of mushrooms and a quartet of fresh eggs and setting them on the ground, stripping down to your birthday suit, and cannonballing into the pond. This freedom comes of ritual and routine, not in service to the contrived arrangements of the modern economy, but in accordance with nature’s cycles and forces . . . And when there’s no one to tell you your time should be spent otherwise, there’s not much of a need for vacation. There’s not the same desire to get away.”
• On food industrialization: “It is infuriating to me that we have arrived at a place where the fundamental right to feed ourselves as we wish has been largely eroded. At this very moment, I could leave my house, drive a handful of miles, and purchase a semiautomatic handgun, a carton of unfiltered cigarettes, and a fifth of whiskey. Yet I can’t legally sell the butter I make at any price. I can’t legally sell a home-butchered hog or even a single link of the excellent (if I do say so myself) sausage we make.”
• On safety and child-rearing: “This is a huge subject, but in short, Penny and I believe the invisible psychic and emotional risk of not exposing our children to these tools and tasks is far greater and ultimately more damaging than the risk of bodily injury. Furthermore, because the latter risk is the one that seems most visceral—after all, wounds to the psyche don’t bleed—we grant it more power than it deserves. It is difficult to see a child’s eroding sense of confidence and to articulate all the risks of that erosion; it is not difficult to see the wound left by the knife’s blade or from falling out of a tree.”

About the Author

Ben Hewitt is an American author known for his non-fiction, memoir, and nature writing that explores self-reliance, sustainable living, and the connection between humans and the natural world. Hewitt gained recognition with his book The Town That Food Saved: How One Community Found Vitality in Local Food, about small-scale agriculture in Vermont. Another notable book of his is Saved: How I Quit Worrying About Money and Became the Richest Guy in the World, a memoir that discusses the author’s simple, anti-consumerist, anti-materialist, self-reliant lifestyle.

One of my favorite marriage books is also one of the more controversial of the genre: Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice: Hormonal Balance–The Key to Life, Love and Energy by John Gray. If you are uncomfortable with frank discussions of innate gender differences, this might not be the book for you; otherwise, have at it. It’s practical advice with a good bit of hard science to back it up. As always, take generalizations with a grain of salt. This author sometimes gets too excited about his points and doesn’t present any opposing details.

Main Takeaways

• Some of the differences between men and women are due to differences in hormones—both in their levels and in the ways they behave in their bodies.
• When feeling stressed, men often seek testosterone-raising and testosterone-releasing activities. When feeling stressed, women often seek oxytocin-raising and oxytocin-releasing activities.
• For men, testosterone is released during work-like, problem-solving activities and raised during rest/zone-out/no-talking time.
• Women are different. “Testosterone feels good to her because it gives her a sense of power and capability and makes her feel sexy, but it doesn’t lower her stress level.” It may even raise it.
• Instead, women seek oxytocin raising activities—primarily talking and bonding—and oxytocin-releasing activities—care giving.
• Men are different. “Oxytocin feels good to him, increasing his tendencies toward trust, empathy, and generosity, but … [it] doesn’t lower his stress level.” it may even raise it by lowering his testosterone.
• Cortisol, the stress hormone, is only good for them in a true emergency. As a daily response to modern life, it prevents people—both men and women—from maintaining healthy levels of their other needed hormones because the body prioritizes the making of it. Thus, when we’re stressed out, they feel the need to engage in even more oxytocin-raising and -releasing activities (for women), and even more testosterone-raising and -releasing activities (for men). Soon, their schedules are fuller than ever, and they become even more stressed out.
• Tomorrow morning, you are going to have to wake up. You’re going to have to take the baby to the park and to the playdate you have scheduled, and pretend that everything is fine. How are you going to get through it? How in the world are you going to get out of bed, knowing the foundation of your life—your marriage—is crumbling?
• Though the hormonal needs of individuals vary widely (some women need more testosterone than other women and some men need more oxytocin than other men), these needs explain the presence of traditional gender roles. Women enjoy nurturing others, then being nurtured through conversation and relationship, while men enjoy working and problem-solving, then spending time alone to rest.
• Women aren’t cranky—their serotonin is depleted due to stress and fluctuating blood sugar levels.
• Men aren’t lazy—they are chemically built to need more time off.
• Women don’t prioritize chores over self-care—they choose to release oxytocin by taking care of the home environment.
• Men aren’t insensitive—they don’t crave the bonding women do.
• Women don’t want to avoid sex—they need oxytocin-building, caring words and actions in order to get in the mood.
• Women don’t overreact—they experience a larger response in the brain when under stress than men do.
• Women don’t complain endlessly—they talk about their feelings at length in order to rebuild their relaxing oxytocin.
• Men don’t procrastinate—they choose to rebuild their testosterone levels through rest. They put off doing chores until an emergency, at which point their testosterone kicks in and tells them to act.
• Women don’t worry an unreasonable amount—they simply enjoy nurturing others and thinking about their needs.

About the Author

John Gray is the author of several self-help books that offer practical advice on how men and women can communicate more effectively, appreciate each other’s differences, and develop stronger connections. One of his first books, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, was published in 1992 and became an instant bestseller. In the book, Gray presents the idea that men and women have fundamentally different emotional needs, communication styles, and approaches to relationships. He suggests that understanding these differences and learning to bridge the gap can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Only Malcom Gladwell could make ketchup seem fascinating. In What the Dog Saw and Other Adventures, he starts off by discussing the “ketchup conundrum”–and from there, keeps the surprises coming.

Read this collection of New Yorker pieces because your Psychology 101 class focused mostly on Freud and behaviorism, and you want to learn more about how psychology works in the modern world.

Key Takeaways

• Why is ketchup one of the few sauces without much competition? It’s called the “ketchup conundrum.” Most people view the Heinz recipe as the only real ketchup. When other companies try to create ketchup varieties, they’re no longer seen as ketchup, but instead as a different kind of sauce entirely.
• When making decisions, there are perils in too much information, too little information, and information gathered from images (like mammograms). Getting the right amount and kind of information is a tricky challenge in both business and in personal life.
• Homelessness isn’t an unsolvable problem. With less governmental redundancy, it could be easily and affordably solved–and at least one city has done so.
• Plagarism is a tricky concept that is partly defined by tradition–and a gut check. Sometimes, what logically seems like plagarism isn’t.
• There are two ways to flub a stressful moment: choking (thinking too much) and panicking (ceasing to think). They happen for very different reasons.
• Some disasters, like the Challenger failure, can’t ever be fully and reliably prevented. Eventually, little problems, such as those in management and communication, add up.
• Don’t base hiring choices on interviews. Often, the best candidates are those who don’t do well in face-to-face interviews. Look at skill instead. Better yet, offer candidates trial employment and let them learn on the job.
• Geniuses are usually late bloomers–not precocious children, despite what our cultural stories tell us about our intellectual heroes. (This includes Mozart.)
• Other essays discuss how various businesses and products succeed, including a short seller, a pitch man for kitchen appliances, hair dye advertising slogans, the birth control pill and the methods used by the Dog Whisperer.
• Gladwell also discusses the limits and disadvantages of criminal profiling; why it’s so hard to “connect the dots” to find criminals; and what pitbulls teach us about crime.

About the Author

Malcolm Gladwell, a renowned author, journalist, and public intellectual, is celebrated for his captivating storytelling and thought-provoking insights. His works, such as “The Tipping Point,” “Outliers,” and “Blink,” have gained global acclaim for their innovative perspectives on social sciences, psychology, and human behavior. Gladwell’s writing seamlessly blends engaging narratives with rigorous research, reshaping our understanding of the world and inspiring critical thinking. As a captivating public speaker and host of the popular podcast “Revisionist History,” Gladwell continues to shed light on intricate social phenomena, challenge conventional wisdom, and encourage listeners to question established narratives. With his unique blend of storytelling, meticulous research, and profound understanding of human nature, Malcolm Gladwell has emerged as a leading figure in contemporary intellectual discourse, leaving a lasting impact on popular culture.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.

Sometimes, our greatest weaknesses are our greatest strengths. That’s the lesson from author Malcom Gladwell in David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits and the Art of Battling Giants. But Gladwell doesn’t rest on cliche. He’s known for his originality, surprising his readers with paradox after paradox.

Break the rules, Gladwell tells us, and he follows his own advice. His journalism has always done so supremely successfully.

Read this article collection because you want to experience perspective-shifting intellectual whiplash.

Key Takeaways

• A common personality trait of successful underdogs is disagreeableness.
• In the story of David and Goliath, David succeeded because he broke the rules–not because God intervened. He beat him because rock slinging was the most deadly form of fighting and Goliath wasn’t prepared. David wasn’t strong in the traditional way, so he found a way around the traditional way; he found strength in his weakness.
• Basketball coach Vivek Ranadive succeeded because he broke the rules. He led a novice girls’ basketball team to the national championship for their division by playing full-press–something no other team did.
• Teacher Teresa DeBrito succeeds because she breaks the rules. She actually prefers larger to smaller class sizes, and this perspective is backed by research. The lesson: often, things we see as good (like small class sizes) are bad after a certain point; there is a U-curve. For example, money makes parenting easier, until you have too much and it makes it harder again.
• Caroline Sacks didn’t succeed in her major because she followed the rules. She made the decision to go to Brown instead of her second choice, a lesser-known school. This led her to quitting her preferred major, science, because of the difficulty she experienced at Brown. Had she gone to the second-tier school instead, she believes she would have stayed with it.
• David Bois succeeded because of his weakness. His dyslexia made him an excellent listener and memorizer, and he ended up becoming a highly successful trial lawyer who could detect the slightest weakness in his opponent’s voice, though his mom thought he’d never even graduate high school.
• Emil “Jay” Freireich succeeded because he wasn’t a people pleaser. His father died at a young age and his mom was also absent. He became a doctor who didn’t care what anyone thought, even ignoring orders at times, and pioneered a cure for leukemia.
• Wyatt Walker succeed because he broke the rules. He worked with Martin Luther King, Jr. to incite cops to violence so the media would carry the story and the civil rights movement would gain momentum.
• Rosemary Lawlor succeeded by questioning authority. She participated in a successful riot against unnecessary search, seizure and extended house arrest policies in Northern Ireland against the British army who had come to help keep peace during a civil war. The British army’s mistake: they didn’t establish legitimacy first.
• In Brownsville, a NYC neighborhood, a police officer named Joanne Jaffe succeeded because she established legitimacy. She is leading an effort to help criminal kids turn around by first gaining their trust, bringing turkeys on Thanksgiving and gifts on Christmas and talking with the families.
• Sometimes, reactions aren’t what we expect them to be. During the Blitz in London during WWII, everyone expected mass panic, but instead the remote misses created a sense of aliveness, exhilaration and invincibility.

About the Author

Malcolm Gladwell is a renowned author, journalist, and public intellectual widely recognized for his captivating storytelling and thought-provoking insights. With a unique ability to dissect complex ideas and phenomena, Gladwell has become a leading voice in contemporary nonfiction. His works, such as “The Tipping Point,” “Outliers,” and “Blink,” have garnered global acclaim, captivating audiences with their innovative perspectives on social sciences, psychology, and human behavior. Gladwell’s writing style seamlessly blends engaging narratives with rigorous research, making his books both accessible and intellectually stimulating. Through his distinctive approach, Gladwell has reshaped the way we perceive and understand the world around us, leaving a lasting impact on popular discourse and inspiring critical thinking.

Beyond his literary contributions, Gladwell’s influence extends to public speaking engagements and podcasting. He has delivered captivating talks at prestigious conferences and universities, captivating audiences with his ability to shed light on intricate social phenomena and challenge conventional wisdom. As the host of the popular podcast “Revisionist History,” Gladwell continues to explore hidden stories and reevaluate historical events, offering fresh perspectives and encouraging listeners to question established narratives. Through his multifaceted body of work, Malcolm Gladwell has emerged as a leading figure in contemporary intellectual discourse, captivating audiences with his unique blend of storytelling, rigorous research, and a deep understanding of human nature.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.

I know you’re not going to take all my many book recommendations, but please. Please, take this one. The Art of Learning: A Journey in The Pursuit of Excellence by Josh Waitzkin recounts the author’s path to becoming an eight-time national chess champion (and the subject of the movie Searching for Bobby Fischer), then his journey to several world Tai Chi championships. So you might say he’s had a pretty successful life.

In telling his story, Waitzkin offers in-depth theories about the learning process, drawing parallels between two major areas of knowledge. His main theme is how to become not just good at something, but truly excellent.

Key Takeaways

• Teachers do best not to lecture, but instead to allow for mistakes, then gently question the student about them. Waitzkin’s first chess teacher, Bruce, didn’t speak much. They just played: “Whenever I made a fundamental error, he would mention the principle I had violated. If I refused to judge, he’d proceed to take advantage of the error until my position fell apart.”
• “Much of the time in our lessons was spent in silence, with us both thinking. Bruce did not want to feed me information, but to help my mind carve itself into maturity.”
• Another lesson: Teachers must not squelch the natural style of the student, or their love of the game. “Many teachers have no feel for this balance and try to force their students into cookie-cutter molds. I have run into quite a few ego maniacal instructors like this over the years and have come to believe that their method is profoundly destructive for students in the long run … Teachers should be a guide, not an authority.
• Another lesson: Some people are “entity” learning theorists and some are “incremental” theorists. Some kids are taught that their intelligence is fixed, an entity, part of who they are, while others believe deep down that skill is an incrementally learned thing. The latter do much better in every way, even stuff they start out poor at. Parents, teachers must restate praise and commentary to reinforce this idea. Never say “you’re good at this,” only “you’ve learned this well,” etc. The child labeled “smart” at something won’t want to face a challenge, list he fail to live up to expectations.
• Another lesson: Performing in the “soft zone” is better than in the “hard zone.” In the soft zone, interruptions can come, and you can flex with them, allow them, then get back into your flow thought. In the hard zone, by contrast, you’re tense and rigid and if anything interrupts you, you try to fight against it. The soft zone is when outwardly you look serene, though inside you’re fully focused.
• Waitzkin relates a parable of man who wants to walk across the earth, though it’s covered in thorns. The “Hard Zone” fighter will try to cover all the earth with pavement. The “Soft Zone” performer makes sandals.
• Another lesson: We must learn “numbers to leave numbers” and “form to leave form.” This means that the great performer first fully digests and assimilates all relevant knowledge of their trade, so that it becomes a part of them and can be accessed automatically. Their mind or subconscious does that part of the work for them, with no consciousness of it at all. In this state, they can break the rules well, as an artist who has fully learned her craft before trying something new.
• The excellent performer notes the feeling he has when he does something right, even when he’s not sure exactly why it was so right. Then he seeks to replicate that feeling. In sports, this is when you seek a certain feeling while striking the ball, rather than thinking about the technique. In chess, it’s when you get a feeling about a good move you make, then seek to replicate it later.
• Another lesson: Watch for times when your life outside your trade affects your performance. The author gives an example of when he was struggling with a life transition, then started making mistakes in his chess game, also during transition moments. His subconscious was uncomfortable with the transition moment.
• Another lesson: When possible, use “beginner’s mind.” Beginners and children aren’t afraid to fail. But experts think of every failure as a crisis, which greatly impedes improvement. Be playful.
• Allow “investments in loss”–times when you’re not performing optimally because you’re working on honing a new skill.
• The author describes the art of Tai Chi and the great strength that you have when you don’t the opponent, but instead use their own force against them.
• Another lesson: “Make smaller circles.” When a writing student, for example, is blocked after being told to write about his hometown, the teacher tells her to write about a single brick of a single building. In order to become exceptional, we must break down the art to its very smallest components, then practice and practice those until every single nuance is deeply felt and understood. The author provides an example from his Tai Chi training, saying that he had to perfect the art of the single, straight punch to such a degree that his arm barely had to move in order to deliver a powerful blow.
• Another lesson: Use adversity to your advantage. Great performers see what they can learn from the worst circumstances. His example was that of perfecting his left-dominant fighting when his right hand was broken.
• Another lesson: Don’t neglect the internal or abstract or intuitive angles of the skill. NFL players who use the off-season to review tapes learn to intuitively see patterns in the plays.
• Another lesson: Practice “chunking”–learning whole tactics or sections of knowledge so well that they become intuitive, and don’t need to be broken down in your mind into smaller parts. These sections will then come to you all at once, which saves a lot of time.
• Learn how to induce shock or heightened emotion in order to slow down time. When Waitzkin broke his hand during a fight, his awareness increased and time felt slower. The trick is to learn how to create this heightened awareness when you aren’t experiencing anything unique–to do it at will.
• Another lesson: Be present. “Everyone at a high level has a huge amount of chess understanding, and much of what separates the great from the very good is deep presence, relaxation of the conscious mind, which allows the unconscious to flow unhindered.”
• The Grandmaster chess player looks at (consciously, focuses on) less than the master, but sees more.
• Also, sometimes Grandmasters are able to almost read the minds of their competitors.
• Another lesson: The winner is the one that controls the tone of the game. Examples: Waitzkin’s chess style is erratic; he thrives in the chaos. Others prefer a more methodical game. When he controls the tone of the game, he has a huge advantage.
• Another lesson: It’s a hugely important to take breaks from your skill at times. Waitzkin took two weeks at sea with his family every summer, which felt like a huge sacrifice at the time. He also learned to take short mental breaks during chess matches – to stop studying the board for a few minutes and run up a few flights of stairs – and to tighten his recovery time between Tai Chi rounds to one minute.
• Another lesson: If you want more serenity during your trade of choice, find something in your life that gives you a feeling of flow, peace – then either do that before you go to work or practice… or if that’s not possible, set up a short routine that you can do before your relaxation activity. Program yourself to enter flow during this “pre-flow” routine, then after it’s ingrained, you can switch to doing the “pre-flow” activities before you go to work, and it will create the flow, since your brain associates it with your flow activity. This is called “building your trigger.”
• Another lesson: “Convert your passions into fuel.” Make even negative emotions work for you, not against you. Example: Basketball star Reggie Miller used Spike Lee’s heckling to fire him up before a game.
• Another principle: Seek out competitors who are better than you are, or who work differently.
• Another principle: Learn from moments of great insight, leaps of logic, great inspiration and creativity. Don’t assume you just happened upon something inspired. Review it, break it down, learn why and how it worked. After you do this, you will have gained ground, permanently raising your level. From there, another new height comes within reach. “In that moment, it is as if you are seeing something that is suspended in the sky just above the top of your pyramid. There is a connection between that discovery and what you know–or else you wouldn’t have discovered it–and you can find that connection of you try.”

About the Author

Josh Waitzkin is an American chess player, martial artist, and author. He is best known for his achievements in the world of chess, having become a National Master at the age of 10 and winning multiple national championships. Waitzkin has also excelled in the martial arts, earning multiple black belts in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and becoming a world champion in Tai Chi Push Hands. In addition to his athletic accomplishments, Waitzkin is a highly regarded author and speaker, having written two books on the topics of learning and performance, “The Art of Learning” and “The Art of Possibility.” Waitzkin is also the founder of the JW Foundation, a non-profit organization that promotes the benefits of chess and martial arts to children around the world. His unique blend of expertise in multiple disciplines has made him a sought-after speaker and coach, and his insights into the process of learning and mastery have inspired countless people to achieve their own goals.

John Holt is a from-the-heart writer with a beautiful writing voice. His love of and respect for children is sweet to read, and his perspective on education is revolutionary. I also love the striking examples he uses.

Learning All the Time, Instead of Education and other books by Holt make the same basic argument: the educational system we’re used to is irreversibly flawed. Learning should be a self-guided process that is assisted by caring facilitators.

Read it because you want to homeschool your children, or because you want to remember what we love about learning.

Key Takeaways from Learning All the Time

• Kids are all their own kinds of genius. Just give them a good, positive environment in which to learn and grow, and see what happens.
• The best way to teach a child to read: don’t. Read to him, let him be exposed to books, give him books as gifts, until one day they ask to do the reading. Then read the book together, one word at a time.
• “Anytime that, without being invited, without being asked, we try to teach somebody else something … we convey to that person, whether we know it or not, a double message. The first part of the message is: I am teaching you something important, but you’re not smart enough to see how important it is. Unless I teach it to you, you’d probably never bother to find out. The second message is: What I’m teaching you is so difficult that, if I didn’t teach it to you, you couldn’t learn it.”
• The author’s first elementary school believed in lots of praise. The result: “By the time I came to know them in the fifth grade, all but a few of the children were so totally dependent on continued adult approval that they were terrified of not getting it, terrified of making mistakes.”
• “Babies do not learn in order to please us, but because it’s their instinct and nature to want to find out about the world. If we praise them in everything they do, after a while they are going to start learning, doing things, just to please us … The next step is that they are going to become worried about not pleasing us …”
• For learning times tables, make a 12 x 12 grid and let the child fill it in at her own pace, without correcting it. Keep it on the fridge, and have her do it over and over.
• “What children want and need from us is thoughtful attention. They want us to notice them and pay some kind of attention to what they do, to take them seriously, to trust and respect them as human beings. They want courtesy and politeness, but they don’t need much praise.”

Key Takeaways from Instead of Education

• We learn by doing. Period.
• Carrots and sticks—rewards and punishments—don’t work.
• Learning is not separate from life.
• There are little-s schools and big-s Schools. Big-s Schools are pedantic, threatening, forceful and don’t offer choice. In little-s schools, all students are free at all times to do or not do, participate or not participate, leave or go. There are no attendance records, no tests, no grades. Teachers are not lecturers, but guides.
• Summerhill was a makeshift school furnished with little more than beer crates. Most of what happened there during the day was simply conversation and reading. In the morning there was dancing and drums and other physical activity directed by the kids. The school keep attendance records but there was no punishment when someone didn’t come. Watching was considered an important activity, and teachers admitted what they didn’t know.
• Once at Summerhill, Holt saw a new boy hit a girl. Though the girl was slightly hurt, she didn’t cry to the teacher. The other kids sympathized with her but did not reprimand the boy; instead, they felt sorry for him and acted as if they assumed that he would soon learn to behave better.
• In another example, another new boy “. . . did one thing over and over again. He heated his nail red hot and stuck it into a piece of wood, which charred and smoked . . . I have never sensed more violence and anger in a child . . .” The teachers said nothing, allowing him to work through what he needed to work through. “Two years later, when I next visited the school, he was a peaceful, kind, happy child . . .”
• Pay attention to the stories you tell about your kids and the labels you give them. Use “focused” instead of “stubborn.” This provides an example to others as well.
• Parents who are able to stay calm do so because they understand the child’s unique struggles and reasons for behaving the way they do. They adjust their expectations accordingly and have compassion. Don’t get caught up in an adversarial relationship with your child that will be hard to change later on.
• Sensory activities like cooking, bathing, gardening and holding stuffed animals help children learn and also help their brains develop.
• Kids need physical exercise in order to process thoughts and feelings.
• Humor also works well to calm a child or change their behavior.
• When a child mistreats another child, allow the child space to calm down first. Then talk to the child about the behavior, especially the trigger for it. Ask them what they might do differently in the future. Then ask them to make amends. This process is very different from outright punishment.
• When a child is upset, be present, offer touch, and give the child space. You can tell him, “I will not touch you, but I will stay near you until your body is calm.”

About the Author

John Holt (1923-1985) was an American educator and author, known for his work on education reform and his advocacy for homeschooling. He was a teacher himself for many years, and his experiences in the classroom led him to question the traditional approach to education. He believed that children learn best when they are allowed to explore and discover on their own, rather than being forced to follow a rigid curriculum. Holt’s writings, including “How Children Fail” and “How Children Learn,” had a profound impact on the educational system and inspired many parents and educators to rethink their approach to teaching. He also founded the Holt Associates, an organization dedicated to promoting homeschooling as an alternative to traditional schooling. Today, Holt is remembered as a pioneer in the field of alternative education, and his ideas continue to influence the way we think about teaching and learning.

It’s hard to do justice to Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini in a few words, except to say that is very likely the best book on sales ever written.

Read it to find out how salespeople will try to manipulate you–and how to say no.

Key Takeaways

• Cialdini identifies the six major tools of influence (i.e. sales): reciprocation; commitment/consistency; social proof; liking; authority; and scarcity.
• On reciprocation: Giving gifts—even very small ones—creates a major sense of obligation in the receiver to reciprocate. Often, they will jump at the chance to get rid of that perceived obligation. The takeaway for salespeople: Give small “free gifts” before making the big sale. Or, ask for something big first, then retreat to something smaller when they say no, so they feel they owe you the sale.
• On consistency: People have, and want to have, a strong sense of personal identity. If a potential buyer is “primed” beforehand to identify with your product, they’re much more likely to go all the way with it. The takeaway for salespeople: Get potential buyers to identify with your product in some (seemingly voluntary) way, such as agreeing to write a letter, sign a petition, display a small sticker or logo, pass along an email, etc. This also creates a perceived commitment, which they are loathe to go back on later. Or, get someone to commit to a product by making a lowball offer, then raise it later. (This is also sometimes called the “ladder of comittment.”)
• On social proof: People copy each other. They just can’t help it. No one can do all the research themselves; they rely on others to lead the way. The takeaway for salespeople: Use the cliché pitches: “fastest-growing,” “most popular,” customer testimonials, etc.
• On liking: Liking is also a super effective way to encourage the desire to buy. The takeaway for salespeople: Think about how can you get people to like or root for your brand—to be on your side, identify with your cause, want to spread the word.
• The book also discusses the principle of contrast, saying that when you first try to sell a higher priced item, or you artificially raise the price to begin with, when you take it down a notch it feels like a great deal.

About the Author

Robert Cialdini is an American psychologist and professor emeritus of psychology and marketing at Arizona State University. He is widely recognized as a leading expert in the field of influence and persuasion, and is the author of the best-selling book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. In his work, Cialdini has identified six key principles of influence, including reciprocity, scarcity, authority, consistency, likability, and consensus. He has applied these principles to a wide range of fields, including business, marketing, and politics, and has helped companies, governments, and other organizations understand how to use these principles effectively. Cialdini’s insights have had a significant impact on the way people think about influence and persuasion, and his work continues to be widely cited and respected.

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If you don’t read at least three books on physics during your life, you’re truly missing out. Let one of them be The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality, a well-written overview of the mysteries of the universe by Brian Greene.

Read it to gain an understanding of some of the most fascinating scientific discoveries ever made (black holes! quantum physics!) and for the joy of pondering your place in it all.

Key Takeaways

• This book focuses on revisions to our understanding of space and time, from Aristotle to Einstein.
• Despite not understanding every aspect of the universe, we have an understanding of its broad strokes.
• Our experiences shape our perception of reality.
• Scientific inquiry has shown that human experience is often not an accurate reflection of reality.
• The work of scientists has revealed a universe that is surprising, unfamiliar, and unlike what was expected.
• Modern physics has shown that assessing life through everyday experience is limited.
• Einstein’s theories of relativity toppled Newton’s conception of reality.
• Classical physics (Newtonian physics) is limited in its depiction of reality, which is actually relativistic.
• According to quantum mechanics, the future and past are not etched into the present and the universe participates in a game of chance.
• Quantum mechanics describes a reality in which things are sometimes uncertain until observed.
• Superstring theory unifies general relativity and quantum mechanics, has the potential to explain all of nature’s forces and matter, and suggests the existence of extra dimensions beyond what we can see.
• If superstring theory is proven correct, our current understanding of reality would be limited to a small slice of a richly textured cosmic fabric.

Key Quotes

• “The overarching lesson that has emerged from scientific inquiry over the last century is that human experience is often a misleading guide to the true nature of reality.”
• “A core feature of classical physics is that if you know the positions and velocities of all objects at a particular moment, Newton’s equations, together with their Maxwellian updating, can tell you their positions and velocities at any other moment, past or future. Without equivocation, classical physics declares that the past and future are etched into the present … But according to the quantum laws, even if you make the most perfect measurements possible of how things are today, the best you can ever hope to do is predict the probability that things will be one way or another at some chosen time in the future, or that things were one way or another at some chosen time in the past.”
• “The universe, according to quantum mechanics, is not etched into the present; the universe, according to quantum mechanics, participates in a game of chance.”
• “If superstring theory is proven correct, we will be forced to accept that the reality we have known is but a delicate chiffon draped over a thick and richly textured cosmic fabric.”

About the Author

Brian Greene is a theoretical physicist and mathematician, best known for his contributions to our understanding of string theory and the concept of parallel universes. He is a professor of physics and mathematics at Columbia University and a co-founder of the World Science Festival. Greene is also an award-winning author, with books including The Elegant Universe, The Fabric of the Cosmos, and Icarus at the Edge of Time. He has been featured in numerous television programs, including the documentary series The Fabric of the Cosmos and The Elegant Universe, both of which were based on his books.

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I love a good journalist. Tara Parker-Pope is one of those. She’s done her research on the research, and now presents us with a thorough examination of the science of marriage. Here are my notes on For Better: How the Surprising Science of Happy Couples Can Help Your Marriage Succeed.

Key Takeaways:

• Contrary to popular opinion, “. . . marital stability appears to be improving each decade.”
• Modern marriage is sometimes called the “soul mate marriage,” and the expectations on it are high.
• “. . . Strong marriages have at least a five-to-one daily ratio of positive to negative interactions.”
• Scientists have found a genetic link for monogamous and non-monogamous behavior.
• Hormonal contraceptives can cause women to choose the wrong partner, blunting her natural instincts.
• Marriage is a protective factor for colds, cancer, heart attacks, dementia and more.
• The longer a relationship continues, the less sex women crave. “Researchers from Hamburg-Eppendorf University in Germany interviewed 530 men and women about their relationships and interest in sex. They found that 60 percent of the thirty-year-old women studied wanted sex ‘often’ at the start of a relationship. But within four years this figure dropped to fewer than half, and by twenty years, only one in five women wanted regular sex. The sharp decline in sexual interest wasn’t seen among men in the study.”
• Researchers found that the way a partner describes how they met their spouse–whether their story of the event is tinted with optimism or with negative or regretful overtones–predicts their future with that spouse. (Happy couples also say “we” or “us” more often than unhappy ones.)
• Eye rolling is one of the most reliable body language indicators of troubled marriages.
• “Marriage researchers say that 70 percent of the time, the conflicts that arise between couples are never resolved. In one study, couples who were tracked for a decade were still fighting about the same things they had been arguing about ten years earlier . . . The lesson, say a number of noted marriage researchers, is that compatibility is overrated.”
• “Studies show that women tend to initiate about 80 percent of fights. This doesn’t mean women are to blame for causing all the trouble in marriages. It just means they are more willing to take the emotional risk of trying to resolve problems.”
• Physiologically, women respond with greater calm to conflict than do men.
• Successful arguments often start with a complaint. Unsuccessful ones often start with a criticism.
• Successful arguers know how to de-escalate a fight using calm tones and non-hostile body language.
• New parenthood lowers marital satisfaction greatly, though largely temporarily.
• A fair division of household chores is one of the best ways to avoid marital tension.
• Often, women chose to take on more responsibility at home because they don’t want to give up control. They also care more about and are better at deciphering details.
• Arguments between same-sex couples seem to contain fewer verbal attacks and less controlling behavior.
• Couples who stay married often marry after the age of twenty-five, are not college dropouts, wait ten years before deciding whether or not to divorce, marry someone with similar interests and background, and marry someone whose parents are still married.

About the Author

Tara Parker-Pope is a writer and journalist who specializes in health and wellness. She is best known for her work as a health columnist at The New York Times, where she has written about a wide range of health topics, from fitness and nutrition to medical treatments and public health policy. Parker-Pope is widely respected for her in-depth reporting, her ability to translate complex medical information into accessible language, and her commitment to helping people live healthier, happier lives.

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David Burns has been writing about depression, anxiety and one of the best-known treatments for it, cognitive therapy, for a long time. In my opinion, this is his best work. When Panic Attacks: A New Drug-free Therapy to Beat Chronic Shyness, Anxiety and Phobia provides surprising methods for combating these difficult mental health challenges, and his conversational–even humorous–tone will inspire you to try them (no matter how wacky they may seem).

Read this book to learn a variety of interesting techniques for coaching yourself through difficult moments.

Key Takeaways

There are many cognitive exercises you can use to self-calm during an acute episode of anxiety, panic or depression. Here are just a few:

• The “what-if technique”: Write down the negative thought and ask questions to challenge them. Keep asking questions until you get to the core fear.
• The experimental technique: Test negative thoughts like a scientist tests a theory, asking for and weighing the evidence.
• The reattribution technique: Rather than talking yourself out of your negative thought or fear, simply take a more well-rounded perspective and reduce exaggeration. Look for the shades of grey.
• The “process versus outcome” technique: When worried about your performance, think about both the effort you put in and the outcome. You can control your preparation and hard work, but external factors may affect the outcome. Focus on the effort you put in, like attending classes and preparing well, and accept the outcome.
• The should-catching technique: Catch any “shoulds” that you find in your negative thought or fear. Realieze that “words that cause emotional distress often fall outside the categories of moral, legal, or laws-of-the-universe shoulds. For example, feeling shy is not immoral, illegal, or a law of the universe.”
• The “be specific” technique: Don’t let overgeneralizations fool you. Be specific about your self-critiques so they will hold less weight. Performance anxiety can come from fear of failure and being labeled a failure as a person.
• The “supervisor from hell” technique: Play the part of a grumpy supervisor (your inner critic) who is telling you the things that your brain is telling you in your negative moment. Then, gently talk to the supervisor, questioning them until you see how illogical your inner critic is.
• The self-monitoring technique: Count your negative thoughts throughout the day. Continuously monitoring negative thoughts can lead to a significant decrease in them and a noticeable improvement in your mood. You can use a score counter, like the ones golfers use, to keep track of your negative thoughts.
• The worry breaks technique: Schedule time to purposely allow negative thoughts and feelings to surface and not fight against them. During these scheduled times, you allow yourself to experience the negative thoughts fully. The rest of the day, you can focus on living positively and productively.
• The paradoxical magnification technique: Instead of refuting your negative thoughts, buy in to them and exaggerate them until they become humorous and absurd. “For example, if you feel inferior, you could tell yourself, ‘Yes, it’s true. In fact, I’m probably the most inferior person in California at this time, and maybe in the entire United States.'”
• The humor technique: Substitute a funny, absurd fantasy in place of the one that’s making you anxious.
• The acceptance technique: Instead of defending against the negative thought, find some truth in it. Agree with it, and befriend the critic in your mind.
• The cost-benefit analysis technique: Evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of having a negative thought that is bothering you.
• The “devil’s advocate” technique: To overcome tempting negative thoughts, make a list and give it to a friend or family member. Ask them to act as the devil and tempt you with the thoughts on the list. The other person should use seductive language and address you with “you.” Your goal is to resist the temptation and defeat the devil. It can be challenging to do this, especially if your list is honest. If you get stuck, reverse roles so your friend can demonstrate a more effective response.

Other techniques for effectively overcoming an acute anxiety or depression episode are behavioral rather than cognitive. Some of these are:

• Shame-attacking exercises: In order to overcome a fear of embarrassment, intentionally do something foolish in public. “You’ll usually discover that most people don’t look down on you and the world doesn’t really come to an end. In fact, most of the time, everyone ends up having a lot of fun.”
• Exercise: Bursts of intense exercise, like jumping jacks, can stop a panic attack and get you out of a negative spiral.
• Exposure therapy: Instead of avoiding your fears, engage in them! This is one of the best ways to overcome the fear. Keep track of your progress in writing.

About the Author

David D. Burns is an American psychiatrist, author, and pioneer in the development of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). He received his medical degree from the Stanford University School of Medicine and is best known for his bestselling self-help book, “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy,” which has sold over 5 million copies worldwide and is widely regarded as a classic in the field of CBT. He has also written several other books on CBT and psychotherapy, and is a frequent speaker and trainer at professional conferences and workshops. Burns has received numerous awards for his contributions to the field of mental health, including the Lifetime Achievement Award from the National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists.

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You’ve probably already noticed that these days, figuring out what to eat isn’t a simple matter. Opinions are all over the place. Unlike most diet books, Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual by Michael Pollan is objective—maybe the most objective, balanced diet book out there. Pollan is not a nutritionist, but a journalist seeking the answer to a seemingly simple question, namely: “What should I eat?” You’ll never sound gullible quoting from a book by Pollan.

Key Takeaways

Pollan offers sixty-four succinctly and divinely worded food truisms, including “Eat only foods that eventually will rot” and “It’s not food if it’s called by the same name in every language. (Think Big Mac, Cheetos, or Pringles.)”

Says Pollan: “There have been, and can be, healthy high-fat and healthy low-fat diets, but they have always been diets built around whole foods.”

And: “I learned that in fact science knows a lot less about nutrition than you would expect—that in fact nutrition science is, to put it charitably, a very young science … Nutrition science … is today approximately where surgery was in the year 1650—very promising, and very interesting to watch, but are you ready to let them operate? I think I’ll wait a while.”

A wide variety of traditional diets are healthy; the modern diet is not. “What this suggests is that there is no single ideal human diet but that the human omnivore is exquisitely adapted to a wide range of different foods and a variety of different diets.”

The book’s bottom line is this: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”

About the Author

Michael Pollan is an American author, journalist, and professor of journalism at the University of California, Berkeley. He is best known for his work on the intersection of food, agriculture, and culture, and has written several highly acclaimed books on these topics. Pollan is a strong advocate for sustainable agriculture and the importance of knowing where our food comes from. He has been named one of Time magazine’s 100 most influential people in the world and has won numerous awards for his writing, including the James Beard Award and the John Burroughs Medal. Pollan’s books, including “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” and “In Defense of Food,” have had a significant impact on the way we think about food and the environment.

Malcom Gladwell, y’all. He’s not just another writer. He’s a genius journalist, whose stories keep you on edge and intellectually stimulated at the same time–even his story about ketchup. (Yes, he’s written one, and it was awesome.)

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking is about what happens when we make crucial decisions in the tiny span of time between the external stimuli and the onset of logical thought. It takes you from a doctor’s office to a forest fire to a police shooting, recounting the ways that professionals applied split-second intuition (or missed their opportunity to do so) in vivid detail.

Read this book to better understand the inner workings of your mind, to better appreciate its powers of computation, and to learn when to listen to your intuition–and when not to.

Key Takeaways

• Intuition is a powerful tool. Gladwell argues that our first impressions and gut feelings are often more accurate than we give them credit for. He explores the concept of “thin-slicing,” which is the ability of our unconscious mind to make snap judgments based on small amounts of information.
• Sometimes, split-second decisions are more reliable and accurate than well-thought-out ones–but only when instinct has been cultivated over time with experience and expertise. These Gladwell calls “blink moments” – instances where people make split-second decisions that have significant consequences. He explores how experts in various fields, such as art, music, and medicine, use their intuition to make quick and accurate decisions.
• When trying to decide if a painting was real or a fake, the split-second guess of three experts was more accurate than the well thought out decision of different experts.
• Context matters too. Gladwell emphasizes that context is crucial in our snap judgments. He argues that we need to be aware of the factors that influence our gut reactions and take steps to eliminate biases and external factors.
• We can improve our intuition over time. Some ideas that can help us do this are: practicing mindfulness, paying attention to our first impressions, and seeking out diverse perspectives. Gladwell also discusses the role that experience plays in developing expertise and intuition.
• Intuition does have some drawbacks, however. Snap judgments can be influenced by factors such as stress, fatigue, and emotion, and how these factors can lead to errors in judgment.
• Intuition doesn’t always work when fear short-circuits our instincts. An example is when cops shot an innocent kid while looking for a criminal (they were inexperienced and didn’t follow protocol).
• Bias is also powerful and can affect our intuition negatively. Gladwell explores how our cultural backgrounds, experiences, and stereotypes can influence the way we perceive people and situations.

About the Author

Malcolm Gladwell is a Canadian journalist, author, and speaker. He is a staff writer for The New Yorker and has published several best-selling books, including The Tipping Point, Outliers and Blink. Gladwell is known for his ability to weave together complex ideas and research to create engaging narratives that challenge our assumptions and offer new insights.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.

Whatever Arises, Love That is one of my favorite book titles ever. When it comes to this book by spiritual teacher Matt Kahn, a self-proclaimed channel, this short phrase is pretty much the whole show. In it, the idea of acceptance of what is is expanded and expounded upon until (hopefully) it sticks.

Read this book as a way of getting the title’s message more deeply into your mind and to encourage you to start or continue a habit of mindfulness.

Key Takeaways

• Whatever arises in your life, choose to love it. This practice is the gateway to feelings of well-being.
• Honor your feelings. Give them permission to be. In this way, we avoid rumination during times of hardship, and instead gracefully accept the present moment.
• No matter what life situation comes about, meet it with love and acceptance.
• Repeat the words “I love you” over and over throughout the day in order to practice acceptance of what is.

Key Quotes

• “No matter what seems to trigger you, each reaction represents the releasing of cellular debris collected from lifetimes of experiences.”
• “Throughout this process, it is important to remember that a sensation only feels like a barrier for as long as you refuse to feel it. As it is invited to be felt, a willingness to experience each moment as an opportunity to heal clears out layers of cellular memory to make room for the emergence of heart-centered consciousness.”
• “Instead of using this practice as a cosmic fire extinguisher to merely resolve the flames of personal despair, I invite you to treasure your heart on a regular basis, until the world you are viewing reflects back the light that your love reveals.”
• “While moments of transcendence are incredible to behold, the true benchmark of spiritual maturity is how often your words and actions are aligned with love.”

About the Author

Matt Kahn is a spiritual teacher, author, and empathic healer. He is the author of several books on spirituality and personal growth, including Whatever Arises, Love That and The Universe Always Has a Plan. Kahn’s teachings emphasize the power of self-love and compassion to transform our lives and the world around us, and he has gained a large following through his YouTube channel and live events.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.

Parenting books based on research–particularly recent research–are a nice break from polemics based on anecdotes and opinion. Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman is particularly worthwhile since its focus is teaching children, not disciplining them.

Read it to be in the know about stuff your parents might’ve been clueless about.

Key Takeaways

• Don’t praise kids for their smarts, or they might think of intelligence as a fixed feature and become afraid to try new things. Instead, praise them for effort and persistence, showing them that intelligence can be developed and motivating them to take on difficult challenges.
• Kids who get even fifteen more minutes of sleep per night on average do much better in school.
• Do talk to your kids about race. Kids are constantly looking for differences. They want to belong, so they often exclude others unless told not to.
• All kids lie. See untruth telling as teachable moments, not moral failure.
• Teach kids to interact with siblings in much the same way they interact with friends.

In addition, here are some tips for helping a baby learn how to speak:

• Words should accompany interaction, especially facial cues. TV doesn’t help with this.
• Follow the baby’s lead. Say the words for items they’re showing interest in, when the internal motivation to learn the word is already present.
• For small babies, wiggle a toy or object to draw attention before naming it. 
• Incorporate common sentences with new words.
• Say the same idea in different words.
• Respond to almost all vocalization in same way, teaching the child they’ll affect you in predictable ways by their sounds.

About the Authors

Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman are American journalists and authors, known for their work in popularizing research in social and behavioral sciences. They co-authored the books Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children and Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing, which explore topics such as parenting, education, and competition. Their writing has been featured in many media outlets, including The New York Times, Time, and Newsweek.

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Can’t quite get to all the nonfiction and self-help books that interest you? Read Books I Want My Kids to Read Someday here.