It’s hard to do justice to Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini in a few words, except to say that is very likely the best book on sales ever written.
Read it to find out how salespeople will try to manipulate you–and how to say no.
Key Takeaways
Cialdini identifies the six major tools of influence (i.e. sales): reciprocation; commitment/consistency; social proof; liking; authority; and scarcity.
On reciprocation: Giving gifts—even very small ones—creates a major sense of obligation in the receiver to reciprocate. Often, they will jump at the chance to get rid of that perceived obligation. The takeaway for salespeople: Give small “free gifts” before making the big sale. Or, ask for something big first, then retreat to something smaller when they say no, so they feel they owe you the sale.
On consistency: People have, and want to have, a strong sense of personal identity. If a potential buyer is “primed” beforehand to identify with your product, they’re much more likely to go all the way with it. The takeaway for salespeople: Get potential buyers to identify with your product in some (seemingly voluntary) way, such as agreeing to write a letter, sign a petition, display a small sticker or logo, pass along an email, etc. This also creates a perceived commitment, which they are loathe to go back on later. Or, get someone to commit to a product by making a lowball offer, then raise it later. (This is also sometimes called the “ladder of comittment.”)
On social proof: People copy each other. They just can’t help it. No one can do all the research themselves; they rely on others to lead the way. The takeaway for salespeople: Use the cliché pitches: “fastest-growing,” “most popular,” customer testimonials, etc.
On liking: Liking is also a super effective way to encourage the desire to buy. The takeaway for salespeople: Think about how can you get people to like or root for your brand—to be on your side, identify with your cause, want to spread the word.
The book also discusses the principle of contrast, saying that when you first try to sell a higher priced item, or you artificially raise the price to begin with, when you take it down a notch it feels like a great deal.
About the Author
Robert Cialdini is an American psychologist and professor emeritus of psychology and marketing at Arizona State University. He is widely recognized as a leading expert in the field of influence and persuasion, and is the author of the best-selling book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion. In his work, Cialdini has identified six key principles of influence, including reciprocity, scarcity, authority, consistency, likability, and consensus. He has applied these principles to a wide range of fields, including business, marketing, and politics, and has helped companies, governments, and other organizations understand how to use these principles effectively. Cialdini’s insights have had a significant impact on the way people think about influence and persuasion, and his work continues to be widely cited and respected.
If you don’t read at least three books on physics during your life, you’re truly missing out. Let one of them be The Fabric of the Cosmos: Space, Time, and the Texture of Reality, a well-written overview of the mysteries of the universe by Brian Greene.
Read it to gain an understanding of some of the most fascinating scientific discoveries ever made (black holes! quantum physics!) and for the joy of pondering your place in it all.
Key Takeaways
This book focuses on revisions to our understanding of space and time, from Aristotle to Einstein.
Despite not understanding every aspect of the universe, we have an understanding of its broad strokes.
Our experiences shape our perception of reality.
Scientific inquiry has shown that human experience is often not an accurate reflection of reality.
The work of scientists has revealed a universe that is surprising, unfamiliar, and unlike what was expected.
Modern physics has shown that assessing life through everyday experience is limited.
Einstein’s theories of relativity toppled Newton’s conception of reality.
Classical physics (Newtonian physics) is limited in its depiction of reality, which is actually relativistic.
According to quantum mechanics, the future and past are not etched into the present and the universe participates in a game of chance.
Quantum mechanics describes a reality in which things are sometimes uncertain until observed.
Superstring theory unifies general relativity and quantum mechanics, has the potential to explain all of nature’s forces and matter, and suggests the existence of extra dimensions beyond what we can see.
If superstring theory is proven correct, our current understanding of reality would be limited to a small slice of a richly textured cosmic fabric.
Key Quotes
“The overarching lesson that has emerged from scientific inquiry over the last century is that human experience is often a misleading guide to the true nature of reality.”
“A core feature of classical physics is that if you know the positions and velocities of all objects at a particular moment, Newton’s equations, together with their Maxwellian updating, can tell you their positions and velocities at any other moment, past or future. Without equivocation, classical physics declares that the past and future are etched into the present … But according to the quantum laws, even if you make the most perfect measurements possible of how things are today, the best you can ever hope to do is predict the probability that things will be one way or another at some chosen time in the future, or that things were one way or another at some chosen time in the past.”
“The universe, according to quantum mechanics, is not etched into the present; the universe, according to quantum mechanics, participates in a game of chance.”
“If superstring theory is proven correct, we will be forced to accept that the reality we have known is but a delicate chiffon draped over a thick and richly textured cosmic fabric.”
About the Author
Brian Greene is a theoretical physicist and mathematician, best known for his contributions to our understanding of string theory and the concept of parallel universes. He is a professor of physics and mathematics at Columbia University and a co-founder of the World Science Festival. Greene is also an award-winning author, with books including The Elegant Universe, The Fabric of the Cosmos, and Icarus at the Edge of Time. He has been featured in numerous television programs, including the documentary series The Fabric of the Cosmos and The Elegant Universe, both of which were based on his books.
I love a good journalist. Tara Parker-Pope is one of those. She’s done her research on the research, and now presents us with a thorough examination of the science of marriage. Here are my notes on For Better: How the Surprising Science of Happy Couples Can Help Your Marriage Succeed.
Key Takeaways:
Contrary to popular opinion, “. . . marital stability appears to be improving each decade.”
Modern marriage is sometimes called the “soul mate marriage,” and the expectations on it are high.
“. . . Strong marriages have at least a five-to-one daily ratio of positive to negative interactions.”
Scientists have found a genetic link for monogamous and non-monogamous behavior.
Hormonal contraceptives can cause women to choose the wrong partner, blunting her natural instincts.
Marriage is a protective factor for colds, cancer, heart attacks, dementia and more.
The longer a relationship continues, the less sex women crave. “Researchers from Hamburg-Eppendorf University in Germany interviewed 530 men and women about their relationships and interest in sex. They found that 60 percent of the thirty-year-old women studied wanted sex ‘often’ at the start of a relationship. But within four years this figure dropped to fewer than half, and by twenty years, only one in five women wanted regular sex. The sharp decline in sexual interest wasn’t seen among men in the study.”
Researchers found that the way a partner describes how they met their spouse–whether their story of the event is tinted with optimism or with negative or regretful overtones–predicts their future with that spouse. (Happy couples also say “we” or “us” more often than unhappy ones.)
Eye rolling is one of the most reliable body language indicators of troubled marriages.
“Marriage researchers say that 70 percent of the time, the conflicts that arise between couples are never resolved. In one study, couples who were tracked for a decade were still fighting about the same things they had been arguing about ten years earlier . . . The lesson, say a number of noted marriage researchers, is that compatibility is overrated.”
“Studies show that women tend to initiate about 80 percent of fights. This doesn’t mean women are to blame for causing all the trouble in marriages. It just means they are more willing to take the emotional risk of trying to resolve problems.”
Physiologically, women respond with greater calm to conflict than do men.
Successful arguments often start with a complaint. Unsuccessful ones often start with a criticism.
Successful arguers know how to de-escalate a fight using calm tones and non-hostile body language.
New parenthood lowers marital satisfaction greatly, though largely temporarily.
A fair division of household chores is one of the best ways to avoid marital tension.
Often, women chose to take on more responsibility at home because they don’t want to give up control. They also care more about and are better at deciphering details.
Arguments between same-sex couples seem to contain fewer verbal attacks and less controlling behavior.
Couples who stay married often marry after the age of twenty-five, are not college dropouts, wait ten years before deciding whether or not to divorce, marry someone with similar interests and background, and marry someone whose parents are still married.
About the Author
Tara Parker-Pope is a writer and journalist who specializes in health and wellness. She is best known for her work as a health columnist at The New York Times, where she has written about a wide range of health topics, from fitness and nutrition to medical treatments and public health policy. Parker-Pope is widely respected for her in-depth reporting, her ability to translate complex medical information into accessible language, and her commitment to helping people live healthier, happier lives.
David Burns has been writing about depression, anxiety and one of the best-known treatments for it, cognitive therapy, for a long time. In my opinion, this is his best work. When Panic Attacks: A New Drug-free Therapy to Beat Chronic Shyness, Anxiety and Phobia provides surprising methods for combating these difficult mental health challenges, and his conversational–even humorous–tone will inspire you to try them (no matter how wacky they may seem).
Read this book to learn a variety of interesting techniques for coaching yourself through difficult moments.
Key Takeaways
There are many cognitive exercises you can use to self-calm during an acute episode of anxiety, panic or depression. Here are just a few:
The “what-if technique”: Write down the negative thought and ask questions to challenge them. Keep asking questions until you get to the core fear.
The experimental technique: Test negative thoughts like a scientist tests a theory, asking for and weighing the evidence.
The reattribution technique: Rather than talking yourself out of your negative thought or fear, simply take a more well-rounded perspective and reduce exaggeration. Look for the shades of grey.
The “process versus outcome” technique: When worried about your performance, think about both the effort you put in and the outcome. You can control your preparation and hard work, but external factors may affect the outcome. Focus on the effort you put in, like attending classes and preparing well, and accept the outcome.
The should-catching technique: Catch any “shoulds” that you find in your negative thought or fear. Realieze that “words that cause emotional distress often fall outside the categories of moral, legal, or laws-of-the-universe shoulds. For example, feeling shy is not immoral, illegal, or a law of the universe.”
The “be specific” technique: Don’t let overgeneralizations fool you. Be specific about your self-critiques so they will hold less weight. Performance anxiety can come from fear of failure and being labeled a failure as a person.
The “supervisor from hell” technique: Play the part of a grumpy supervisor (your inner critic) who is telling you the things that your brain is telling you in your negative moment. Then, gently talk to the supervisor, questioning them until you see how illogical your inner critic is.
The self-monitoring technique: Count your negative thoughts throughout the day. Continuously monitoring negative thoughts can lead to a significant decrease in them and a noticeable improvement in your mood. You can use a score counter, like the ones golfers use, to keep track of your negative thoughts.
The worry breaks technique: Schedule time to purposely allow negative thoughts and feelings to surface and not fight against them. During these scheduled times, you allow yourself to experience the negative thoughts fully. The rest of the day, you can focus on living positively and productively.
The paradoxical magnification technique: Instead of refuting your negative thoughts, buy in to them and exaggerate them until they become humorous and absurd. “For example, if you feel inferior, you could tell yourself, ‘Yes, it’s true. In fact, I’m probably the most inferior person in California at this time, and maybe in the entire United States.'”
The humor technique: Substitute a funny, absurd fantasy in place of the one that’s making you anxious.
The acceptance technique: Instead of defending against the negative thought, find some truth in it. Agree with it, and befriend the critic in your mind.
The cost-benefit analysis technique: Evaluate the advantages and disadvantages of having a negative thought that is bothering you.
The “devil’s advocate” technique: To overcome tempting negative thoughts, make a list and give it to a friend or family member. Ask them to act as the devil and tempt you with the thoughts on the list. The other person should use seductive language and address you with “you.” Your goal is to resist the temptation and defeat the devil. It can be challenging to do this, especially if your list is honest. If you get stuck, reverse roles so your friend can demonstrate a more effective response.
Other techniques for effectively overcoming an acute anxiety or depression episode are behavioral rather than cognitive. Some of these are:
Shame-attacking exercises: In order to overcome a fear of embarrassment, intentionally do something foolish in public. “You’ll usually discover that most people don’t look down on you and the world doesn’t really come to an end. In fact, most of the time, everyone ends up having a lot of fun.”
Exercise: Bursts of intense exercise, like jumping jacks, can stop a panic attack and get you out of a negative spiral.
Exposure therapy: Instead of avoiding your fears, engage in them! This is one of the best ways to overcome the fear. Keep track of your progress in writing.
About the Author
David D. Burns is an American psychiatrist, author, and pioneer in the development of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). He received his medical degree from the Stanford University School of Medicine and is best known for his bestselling self-help book, “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy,” which has sold over 5 million copies worldwide and is widely regarded as a classic in the field of CBT. He has also written several other books on CBT and psychotherapy, and is a frequent speaker and trainer at professional conferences and workshops. Burns has received numerous awards for his contributions to the field of mental health, including the Lifetime Achievement Award from the National Association of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapists.
You’ve probably already noticed that these days, figuring out what to eat isn’t a simple matter. Opinions are all over the place. Unlike most diet books, Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual by Michael Pollan is objective—maybe the most objective, balanced diet book out there. Pollan is not a nutritionist, but a journalist seeking the answer to a seemingly simple question, namely: “What should I eat?” You’ll never sound gullible quoting from a book by Pollan.
Key Takeaways
Pollan offers sixty-four succinctly and divinely worded food truisms, including “Eat only foods that eventually will rot” and “It’s not food if it’s called by the same name in every language. (Think Big Mac, Cheetos, or Pringles.)”
Says Pollan: “There have been, and can be, healthy high-fat and healthy low-fat diets, but they have always been diets built around whole foods.”
And: “I learned that in fact science knows a lot less about nutrition than you would expect—that in fact nutrition science is, to put it charitably, a very young science … Nutrition science … is today approximately where surgery was in the year 1650—very promising, and very interesting to watch, but are you ready to let them operate? I think I’ll wait a while.”
A wide variety of traditional diets are healthy; the modern diet is not. “What this suggests is that there is no single ideal human diet but that the human omnivore is exquisitely adapted to a wide range of different foods and a variety of different diets.”
The book’s bottom line is this: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”
About the Author
Michael Pollan is an American author, journalist, and professor of journalism at the University of California, Berkeley. He is best known for his work on the intersection of food, agriculture, and culture, and has written several highly acclaimed books on these topics. Pollan is a strong advocate for sustainable agriculture and the importance of knowing where our food comes from. He has been named one of Time magazine’s 100 most influential people in the world and has won numerous awards for his writing, including the James Beard Award and the John Burroughs Medal. Pollan’s books, including “The Omnivore’s Dilemma” and “In Defense of Food,” have had a significant impact on the way we think about food and the environment.
Malcom Gladwell, y’all. He’s not just another writer. He’s a genius journalist, whose stories keep you on edge and intellectually stimulated at the same time–even his story about ketchup. (Yes, he’s written one, and it was awesome.)
Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking is about what happens when we make crucial decisions in the tiny span of time between the external stimuli and the onset of logical thought. It takes you from a doctor’s office to a forest fire to a police shooting, recounting the ways that professionals applied split-second intuition (or missed their opportunity to do so) in vivid detail.
Read this book to better understand the inner workings of your mind, to better appreciate its powers of computation, and to learn when to listen to your intuition–and when not to.
Key Takeaways
Intuition is a powerful tool. Gladwell argues that our first impressions and gut feelings are often more accurate than we give them credit for. He explores the concept of “thin-slicing,” which is the ability of our unconscious mind to make snap judgments based on small amounts of information.
Sometimes, split-second decisions are more reliable and accurate than well-thought-out ones–but only when instinct has been cultivated over time with experience and expertise. These Gladwell calls “blink moments” – instances where people make split-second decisions that have significant consequences. He explores how experts in various fields, such as art, music, and medicine, use their intuition to make quick and accurate decisions.
When trying to decide if a painting was real or a fake, the split-second guess of three experts was more accurate than the well thought out decision of different experts.
Context matters too. Gladwell emphasizes that context is crucial in our snap judgments. He argues that we need to be aware of the factors that influence our gut reactions and take steps to eliminate biases and external factors.
We can improve our intuition over time. Some ideas that can help us do this are: practicing mindfulness, paying attention to our first impressions, and seeking out diverse perspectives. Gladwell also discusses the role that experience plays in developing expertise and intuition.
Intuition does have some drawbacks, however. Snap judgments can be influenced by factors such as stress, fatigue, and emotion, and how these factors can lead to errors in judgment.
Intuition doesn’t always work when fear short-circuits our instincts. An example is when cops shot an innocent kid while looking for a criminal (they were inexperienced and didn’t follow protocol).
Bias is also powerful and can affect our intuition negatively. Gladwell explores how our cultural backgrounds, experiences, and stereotypes can influence the way we perceive people and situations.
About the Author
Malcolm Gladwell is a Canadian journalist, author, and speaker. He is a staff writer for The New Yorker and has published several best-selling books, including The Tipping Point,Outliers and Blink. Gladwell is known for his ability to weave together complex ideas and research to create engaging narratives that challenge our assumptions and offer new insights.
Whatever Arises, Love That is one of my favorite book titles ever. When it comes to this book by spiritual teacher Matt Kahn, a self-proclaimed channel, this short phrase is pretty much the whole show. In it, the idea of acceptance of what is is expanded and expounded upon until (hopefully) it sticks.
Read this book as a way of getting the title’s message more deeply into your mind and to encourage you to start or continue a habit of mindfulness.
Key Takeaways
Whatever arises in your life, choose to love it. This practice is the gateway to feelings of well-being.
Honor your feelings. Give them permission to be. In this way, we avoid rumination during times of hardship, and instead gracefully accept the present moment.
No matter what life situation comes about, meet it with love and acceptance.
Repeat the words “I love you” over and over throughout the day in order to practice acceptance of what is.
Key Quotes
“No matter what seems to trigger you, each reaction represents the releasing of cellular debris collected from lifetimes of experiences.”
“Throughout this process, it is important to remember that a sensation only feels like a barrier for as long as you refuse to feel it. As it is invited to be felt, a willingness to experience each moment as an opportunity to heal clears out layers of cellular memory to make room for the emergence of heart-centered consciousness.”
“Instead of using this practice as a cosmic fire extinguisher to merely resolve the flames of personal despair, I invite you to treasure your heart on a regular basis, until the world you are viewing reflects back the light that your love reveals.”
“While moments of transcendence are incredible to behold, the true benchmark of spiritual maturity is how often your words and actions are aligned with love.”
About the Author
Matt Kahn is a spiritual teacher, author, and empathic healer. He is the author of several books on spirituality and personal growth, including Whatever Arises, Love That and The Universe Always Has a Plan. Kahn’s teachings emphasize the power of self-love and compassion to transform our lives and the world around us, and he has gained a large following through his YouTube channel and live events.
Parenting books based on research–particularly recent research–are a nice break from polemics based on anecdotes and opinion. Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman is particularly worthwhile since its focus is teaching children, not disciplining them.
Read it to be in the know about stuff your parents might’ve been clueless about.
Key Takeaways
Don’t praise kids for their smarts, or they might think of intelligence as a fixed feature and become afraid to try new things. Instead, praise them for effort and persistence, showing them that intelligence can be developed and motivating them to take on difficult challenges.
Kids who get even fifteen more minutes of sleep per night on average do much better in school.
Do talk to your kids about race. Kids are constantly looking for differences. They want to belong, so they often exclude others unless told not to.
All kids lie. See untruth telling as teachable moments, not moral failure.
Teach kids to interact with siblings in much the same way they interact with friends.
In addition, here are some tips for helping a baby learn how to speak:
Words should accompany interaction, especially facial cues. TV doesn’t help with this.
Follow the baby’s lead. Say the words for items they’re showing interest in, when the internal motivation to learn the word is already present.
For small babies, wiggle a toy or object to draw attention before naming it.
Incorporate common sentences with new words.
Say the same idea in different words.
Respond to almost all vocalization in same way, teaching the child they’ll affect you in predictable ways by their sounds.
About the Authors
Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman are American journalists and authors, known for their work in popularizing research in social and behavioral sciences. They co-authored the books Nurture Shock: New Thinking About Children and Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing, which explore topics such as parenting, education, and competition. Their writing has been featured in many media outlets, including The New York Times, Time, and Newsweek.
This is a dystopian story that I wrote in 2017 or so after dreaming the first sentence and waking up with it still clear in my mind. It’s called “We Go Up.”
***
We fell asleep in the shadow of the Cordelia tree, 1605 Cement Garden Way. When we woke up, it was 6:36. It wasn’t night yet, but it was close. We shared a beer. Four minutes twenty-three seconds. Then, for fifteen minutes, we discussed our plan. “No changing it,” we said. Both of us said it. Neither of us believed the other, or ourselves.
Clay tied his shoes. Pink Asics. Good condition. Taken from a sleeping man. He apologized to me for the crime and I said, “Size six. Pink. Who’s he kidding? They aren’t his.”
I got mine–brown boots–at the river. A body. We must’ve been the first ones there. It was day–early morning–and I shouldn’t’ve been awake. But I was hungry, so I broke the rules. And I’m glad I did.
Some people have better water drains. Some people have better can openers. But we have the best shoes.
It’s our thing.
We started walking. As we did, it got dark. 7:10. We went to our usual spots first. The overpass on Mail. The dry creek bed near St. Mary’s. The trees with the hollows no one else knew about. We passed other groups. Some we recognized, most we didn’t. Nothing unusual–nothing that made us stop our rounds. Then we came to the footbridge that you have to take when you cut through Shannon Park to get to Chief street, a.k.a. The Front. 9:05.
There were four of them. They were older than us. They shook us down [change] pretty hard. Somewhere in the middle of it I took off my baseball cap and shoved it in my sleeve, but they got that, too, along with eerything we’d found so far. And our shoes.
They hurt us but not badly. Sore stomachs and shins. We knew not to fight grown-ups too hard. We were barefoot now, but we’d slept and we were fed. We checked the time: 9:16. Two hours six in, and we had to start over.
Across the footbridge, the Gap. Keep your head up. It’s not as empty as it looks. A few scores–about twenty grams. It went in my pocket that was inside my normal pocket. Then we arrived at the Front. 9:42.
We counted. there were twenty. Twenty was good, though. Twenty we could handle. It was early. People weren’t desperate yet. We wiped our hands on our pants and stepped forward.
No one looked at us. Perfect. We went to a round. One of the closest ones with a bartender we’d seen before.
“How much?” we asked the broker.
“Nine fifty,” he said.
We went cold. “Too much.”
“Eight ninety.”
“Three fifty.”
“Seven straight.”
“Four ten.”
He laughed. “Seven straight.”
Clay bent his right knee. I didn’t look, but I bent mine, too. I nodded to the man.
“What’s the trade?” he asked.
“Work,” said Clay. He always said it. I never could.
He gave us a card. But before we could leave, something broke the sky. It was the sound.
10:02.
No work.
We followed the sound, not with our ears but with our eyes. One bullhorn. Another. Now two.
“We have to work,” said Clay.
“We got the cards,” I said.
“Seriously?” asked the man.
“Yeah,” I said.
“You guys know what’s left, right?”
We nodded.
“Then please, be my fucking guest.” He rose his hand and lifted two fingers.
The men with the bullhorns approached. “All we have is the Mountain. Three hours up, two there, then Five back.”
“That’s fine.”
“Ever done the Mountain before?”
“Not since the slide.”
“You can climb?”
“Yes.”
“Okay, then. Let’s go.”
10:15.
***
10:50. We go up.
***
The chain is like a dog leash. You can hold it, but you can also let go. You just have to slip the loop off your wrist. There are scores on the way, but you can’t grab them—can’t even look. If you look, you start to get ideas.
12:54. We’re there. We unhook. Four minutes late and we haven’t even started. The biggest guys choose first. We’re litlte.
We dig. Our patch is picked over. We find worms and beetles. Leaves, of courase. Two ripe berries. We see a group of mushrooms, but they’re the wrong kind. We step on them. Maybe they’ll be good food for someone else.
We dig more.
**
3:08 a.m. A lot of dirt. A whole trench. Three canvas bags of insects between us. The officer yells, “Two minutes,” and for the first time since we started, we look at each other. We eat the lunch they give us: porridge. X’s eyes are tired. There is mud in the creases under them. There is a branch in his hair. I take it out, and he closes his eyes briefly to acknowledge the favor. The officer yells again. “3:10.” We stand up.
*
Going down is harder by far than going up. Our feet slip. We’re easily out of breath. At the bottom we turn in our sacks and collect our reward. A bag of lentils each and half a loaf of bread.
I look at my watch. “Forty minutes,” I say. X smiles. Forty whole minutes. I laugh. The [money guy] raises his eyebrows at us. The other workers leave slowly, each to their side of the [divide].
6:13.
“Where to?”
“Anywhere.”
“We need a fire, don’t we?”
“Naw. Enough work for one night. We’ll eat the bread and save the beans for tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
We don’t take the road. We take the field, like before. We are carrying too much. We walk far. Very far. Around one camp and across some lots. We don’t want to stop walking, but we do.
We’re at the scrap yard. There’s one good vehicle left, a yellow Volkswagen Beetle. We laugh when we see it, hit the front with our flat hands. Kick the tires.
“Yeah, she’ll be all right. How much you want for it?”
“Damn. We could stay here for a week.”
We climb in, each to a row, him in the back and me in the front. We don’t have our shoes, but we have bread, and we eat it all, eat it right, slowly, with water. Our stomachs cramp, but not much. As the sun rises, we talk. We make plans for when things get back to normal.
“I always wanted to be a fireman,” X tells me. I tell him I will, too. I tell him I’ll be his boss.
“What would we do if we weren’t looking for food, do you think?”
“I don’t know. Fight fires, I guess.”
“And what about the rest of the time? Watch TV, like we used to?”
“Naw. TV is for babies.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Think we’ll find some other kids soon, like before?”
“I think so.”
“Girls?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“Maybe we’ll go south.”
“Maybe. It’s okay this way too, though.”
“Yeah. It’s okay for now. No one telling us what to do.”
“Tonight wasn’t bad, was it?”
“Naw. Not so bad.”
We pause a moment, our hands on our stomachs.
“There’s light,” I say. He nods, and covers his windows. I cover mine, too.
Anger is natural. It’s a normal part of life. But we don’t want to experience it for longer than necessary. Fortunately, our emotions aren’t entirely out of our control; by examining our negative beliefs, our accompanying negative feelings become less persistent and less convincing. There are many methods for doing so, but the one with the most evidence behind it is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
In The Feeling Good Handbook, one of the most-read books on the subject, David Burns details the process. I highly recommend this and other CBT books, or working with a therapist who uses the method regularly. (There are also CBT worksheets and instructions online.)
In spite of the prodigious amount of literature devoted to the subject, CBT is a simple, intuitive process. Working either with a therapist, or alone with a journal, you identify your most anxious, fearful or hateful thoughts. Then you examine it objectively, asking yourself if the thought is entirely true, or if it’s untrue or just partly true–an exaggeration. By the time you’re done, you’ve found at least a few more positive thoughts to counteract the negative ones, and as a result, your depression or anxiety is lessened. In a perfect world, every child would be taught the technique in school, and every adult would practice it regularly.
As one of the early, and most thorough and textbook-like books on cognitive therapy, The Feeling Good Handbook has become a legit self-help classic. However, other books on cognitive therapy use the same basic principles and might be more concise. I recommend reading at least a few on this subject and using cognitive therapy weekly at least throughout your life.
Key Takeaways:
The way to change how you feel is to change how you think.
“If you say, ‘I just can’t help the way I feel,’ you will only make yourself a victim of your misery–and you’ll be fooling yourself, because you can change the way you feel.”
“I don’t believe you should try to be happy all the time, or in total control of your feelings. That would just be a perfectionistic trap. You cannot always be completely rational and objective.”
Beware of the ten most common forms of twisted thinking, namely: all-or-nothing thinking; overgeneralization; using a mental filter; discounting the positive; jumping to conclusions; magnification; emotional reasoning; ‘should’ statements; labeling/name calling; personalization; and blame.
The author suggests ten ways to question your negative thoughts: examining the evidence (like a judge would); using the experimental technique or the survey method (like a scientist would); thinking in shades of gray or using the semantic method (like a philosopher would); using the cost-benefit analysis method (like an economist would) and more.
About the Author
David D. Burns is a psychiatrist and author known for his work in the field of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and self-help literature. He gained prominence through his best-selling book “Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy,” which was first published in 1980.
“Feeling Good” is a self-help book that focuses on CBT techniques to help readers understand and manage their emotions, alleviate depression, and improve their overall mental well-being. The book presents practical strategies and exercises to challenge negative thought patterns and develop healthier ways of thinking.
In addition to “Feeling Good,” David Burns has written several other books on related topics, such as anxiety, relationships, and communication. Some of his other notable works include:
“The Feeling Good Handbook”
“When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life”
“Intimate Connections: The Clinically Proven Method for Making Close Friends and Finding a Loving Partner”
“The Ten Days to Self-Esteem”
David Burns is known for his engaging writing style and his ability to translate complex psychological concepts into practical advice that readers can apply to their lives. He has also been involved in teaching and training mental health professionals in the techniques of cognitive-behavioral therapy.
It’s another marriage book, but it’s not just another marriage book. It’s The Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages: The Little Things That Make a Big Difference, and in it, researcher Shaunti Feldhahn throws all the researcher at us, giving us the closest thing we have to a scientific formula for a happy partnership.
Read this book to find out what happy couples do and don’t do and to begin to incorporate the helpful habits into your current life (married or not).
Key Takeaways
Highly happy couples feel deeply cared about. When asked whether they care deeply about their spouse in a survey, eight of ten said “yes, absolutely.” In fact, out of the 1,261 people officially surveyed, only nine people said, “not really.” However, more than four out of every ten coupled people said they believed their spouses didn’t care about them deeply. This might explain some of the problems between unhappy couples: they care about their partner, but don’t feel cared about in return.
“Once you believe your spouse absolutely cares about you, those distancing feelings of hurt, anger and resentment arise a lot less often,” writes Feldhahn.
Highly happy couples always assume good intentions. “By expecting the best, you bring out the best.”
Highly happy couples do go to bed mad. They take time to cool off before continuing difficult conversations.
Highly happy couples are not brutally honest. They know how to calm their partner and sometimes, tell white lies.
Highly happy couples hang out with each other. In doing so, their ratio of positive-to-negative interactions is tipped to the positive side.
About the Author
Shaunti Feldhahn is an American author and social researcher. She is best known for her books on relationships, personal finance, and work-life balance, including For Women Only and For Men Only. She has also written several fiction and non-fiction books on other topics such as leadership and success. Feldhahn holds a degree in public policy from Harvard University and has worked as an investment banker and a public policy analyst.
There’s really no way around it: In order to be a person in a partnership in the 21st century, you pretty much have to know about attachment styles. Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship by Stan Tatkin is one of many primers on the topic, but its a really good one.
Read this book to understand your own attachment style and to learn what to expect from the attachment of others.
Key Takeaways
There are three types of partnership styles: securely attached; islands; and waves. Islands prefer aloneness and are often uncommunicative. Waves are highly emotional, turbulent and have a great need for reassurance. Securely attached partners often give and receive assurance, but also trust their partners and don’t disconnect.
One way to securely attach to your partner and to provide for their needs is to learn what their triggers are. Often, people feel like they are “messed up” and have a lot wrong with them, but most people have only three or four major overarching triggers. These have often been wired in them from a young age and will likely be with them for the rest of their lives, to some degree. The loving partner’s goal should be to understand, recognize and calm these triggers as needed so that their partner feels safe and protected. No shame. No blame. Just helping them get through that situation. Then, when it’s your turn, they will do the same for you.
Being on each other’s side, always, is the best way to engender feelings of security. Also, attachment requires full and complete honesty, especially regarding third parties (coworkers, friends, etc.).
About the Author
Stan Tatkin is an American psychotherapist, author, and speaker. He is the founder and developer of the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT), a research-based and innovative method of treating couples and families. Tatkin has written several books on relationships, including “Wired for Dating,” “Wired for Love,” and “Your Brain on Love.” He has also been featured in various media outlets, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Psychology Today. Tatkin has a private practice in Calabasas, California, where he provides therapy and training for individuals and couples.
I have a special affection for the book What Would Google Do?: Reverse-Engineering the Fastest Growing Company in the History of the World by Jeff Jarvis. It not only changed how I thought about business and marketing; it is the book that ignited my passion for nonfiction. Here, you’ll find good business strategies, but you’ll find something else, too: a new way of thinking about economics, creativity and society.
Read this book to get your mind blown in the way that the best nonfiction books are capable of doing.
Key Takeaways
We are in a new age of marketing and business, the author writes. The new rules of the new age are as follows:
Customers hold the power now–not marketers, managers or CEOs.
With social media, customers have the ability to have a major impact on large organizations in an instant. Be aware of the power of the crowd. People have easy access to information and can either support or harm a company based on their experiences.
The key to success is no longer just marketing, but having meaningful conversations with customers.
Trust and control have an inverse relationship. Trust your customers and let go of control.
Listen to your customers. Be honest, transparent, and collaborative. Encourage, enable, and protect innovation. Allow customers to feel like they are a part of the process and able to provide suggestions.
Life is always in a beta stage! Embrace changes and improvements.
Amazingly, “free” is a now viable business model! Many of the largest online companies (Facebook, Google) started by offering their services for free–and still do. The “tree” business model involves giving away value to expand your market base, then making money through alternative means.
The mass market has been replaced by a multiplicity of niche markets.
Don’t just be a product; be a platform! Help others build value on your site. Examples of platforms: Home Depot (for contractors) and Continental Airlines (for booking tours).
Ownership is no longer the key to success–openness is.
Google commodifies everything, especially knowledge. The economy is no longer based on scarcity, but on abundance. Control over products or distribution does not guarantee premium profits.
Focus on intangible solutions and rethinking physical products for an online presence.
Determine what business you are really in and protect it by offering solutions better than competitors.
Blunt honesty is more effective in marketing materials and blogs. When creating marketing materials, always use a natural and human tone.
Examples of Google-league marketers include: Facebook, Craigslist, Amazon, Flickr, WordPress and PayPal.
Google Laws:
Give control to customers and they will use it.
Your worst customer can be your best friend, providing valuable feedback about how to improve.
Your best customer is your partner. Incentivize them to spread the word.
Links are vital. Get linked to and talked about.
Focus on what you do best and link to the rest.
Join a network or, ideally, become a platform for others.
Think in a distributed manner.
Being searchable is essential for visibility.
Life and business are transparent.
Learn to handle mistakes well.
Rethink company structure for an “elegant organization.”
Small is the new big in a post-scarcity economy.
About the Author
Jeff Jarvis is a journalist, author, and professor. He is best known for his work as a media critic and commentator on the intersection of technology, media, and society. He is the author of several books, including “What Would Google Do?” and “Public Parts: How Sharing in the Digital Age Improves the Way We Work and Live”. He is a professor at the City University of New York Graduate School of Journalism, where he teaches courses on technology and entrepreneurship.
Oprah loves Eckhart Tolle, and she’s almost never wrong. In her book of short essays, One Thing I Know for Sure, she says A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose is her favorite book of all time. I prefer The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, but both are pretty great.
Read these books for inspiration to try the evidence-based strategy of mindfulness (present moment awareness) for mental health.
Key Takeaways from The Power of Now
Realize that possessions, social status, relationships, beliefs, and other ego identifications are not truly who you are. The ego’s needs are endless and lead to a constant state of fear and want. Instead of exploring its manifestations, understand that the mind is not dysfunctional but becomes so when mistaken for self.
To end this delusion, focus on the present moment and body awareness to stay rooted in the now.
Experiment with closing your eyes and waiting for your next thought, realizing that intense presence frees you from thought. To deepen your connection with your inner body, focus your attention within and let all negativity flow through without reacting.
Focus your attention on the feeling inside of you, even if it is painful. Don’t judge or analyze the feeling, simply acknowledge its presence.
Be mindful of any defensiveness, as it is likely an attempt to protect an illusory identity or image in your mind.
There are many portals to the source, including the now, dreamless sleep, cessation of thinking, surrender, being in touch with the inner body energy field, disidentifying with the mind, and silence. You only need one portal to reach your inner being.
Love is not a portal, it is an inner feeling.
Space and silence are portals, as you cannot think and be aware of them at the same time.
The body is the way to reach your spirit or inner body.
Adjust your vision and look closely at what you thought was a stone statue. You might find that there was never a stone statue, but instead it was an angel all along.
Illness is not real in the present moment; rather, it is the belief, label, and past/future associations that give it continuity in time and make it seem real. Outside of time, it is nothing.
Key Takeaways from A New Earth
Humanity is ready for a major transformation in consciousness (enlightenment). This book discusses how to accelerate this process.
Get rid of ego. It’s just not helping. All that anger, defensiveness, arguing, making wrong, being right … all of that can safely go away. The death of your ego is not the death of you. Instead, it’s the start of your real life.
When you interact with people, don’t be there primarily as a function or a role, but as a field of conscious Presence. (I have a couple of friends who consciously follow this advice, and it shows.)
A Few Good Quotes from A New Earth
Shift “your attention from the external form of your body to the feeling of aliveness inside it.”
“Give up defining yourself—to yourself or to others. You won’t die. You will come to life. And don’t be concerned with how others define you.”
“An essential part of the awakening is the recognition of the unawakened you, the ego as it thinks, speaks, and acts as well as the recognition of the collectively conditioned mental processes that perpetrate the unawakened state.
The author tells of how he once saw a crazy woman talking to herself on a bus, then realized he was like her. Her constant angry chatter was the same as his constant anxious mental chatter. “If she was mad, then everyone was mad, including myself. There were differences in degree only.”
“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at this moment.”
“There are people who have renounced all possessions but have a bigger ego than some millionaires.” Take away one ego identity, and it will find another.
About the Author
Eckhart Tolle is a spiritual teacher, author and speaker. He was born in Germany in 1948 and later moved to England. Tolle’s teachings focus on helping individuals connect with their inner selves and find peace and happiness in the present moment, rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. His books have been translated into over 40 languages and have sold millions of copies worldwide. Tolle continues to offer teachings and workshops on mindfulness and spirituality to this day.
This book sells itself. Who doesn’t want to break a bad habit or learn how to maintain healthier routines? It’s called Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard, and it’s written by brothers Chip and Dan Heath.
Read this book to map out a plan for change, whether personally or professionally.
Key Takeaways
Changing a habit or a culture is like forcing an elephant carrying a writer to change direction. One must not only convince the rider (the rational mind) but also the elephant (the emotions). In addition, one must make the path easier to follow. In this book, the writers describe these three main ways to encourage change: direct the rider; motivate the elephant; and shape the path.
To direct the rider: find the bright spots; script the critical moves; and point to the destination.
To motivate the elephant: find the feeling; shrink the change; and grow your people.
To shape the path: tweak the environment; build habits; rally the herd; and keep the switch going.
The Happiness Hypothesis study showed that our emotional side is like an dlephant and our rational side is its rider, with the rider holding the reins and seeming to be in control. However, the rider’s control is precarious as it is small compared to the elephant. When the elephant and the rider disagree, the rider always loses.
On finding the bright spots: The “bright spots” refers to the positive aspects of a situation or a person. To find the bright spots, one must avoid the “fundamental attribution error”, which is the tendency to attribute a person’s behavior to their inherent qualities instead of the circumstances they are in. This is why shows like “The Dog Whisperer” or “Super Nanny”, which depict the transformation of “bad” dogs or kids, captivate our attention. The fact that these dogs or kids can be reformed in a short intervention amazes us–but the truth is that they were never bad. They had bright spots already, but those spots had to be highlighted.
On scripting the critical moves: In Miner County, South Dakota, high school students conducted a survey to revive their dying community. They found that if residents spent just 10% more of their disposable income at home, the local economy would be boosted by $7 million. A year later, the amount of money spent in Miner County had increased by $15.6 million, showing that clarity is important for change to be successful.
Another way to script the critical moves is to preload decisions. Preloading a decision refers to making a decision in advance, such as deciding to go to the gym after dropping off the kids, to increase the likelihood of following through with it. This technique involves action triggers, which make the decision easier by reducing the mental effort required to make it later. By preloading the decision, there is less work involved in making it later on.
A research study conducted by Peter Golwitzer and Veronica Brandstatter tracked college students who had the opportunity to earn extra credit by writing a paper by December 26th. While most students had the intention of writing the paper, only 33% actually wrote and submitted it. However, for a different group of students in the study, the researchers required them to set action triggers–to note in advance when and where they intended to write the report. The results showed a significant improvement, with a whopping 75% of those students successfully writing the report.
On pointing to the destination: Crystal Jones was a teacher for Teach for America in 2003, teaching first grade in Atlanta, Georgia. The school lacked a kindergarten program, so she had to use language that motivated her students. Jones told her students, “By the end of this school year, you will be third graders,” and held a “graduation” ceremony when they reached second and third grade. She referred to her students as “scholars” and, by the end of the year, more than 90% of the kids were reading at or above a third-grade level.
For change to be effective, it must be clear and specific. A local media campaign was created to encourage people to switch to 1% milk and it was a success, increasing the market share of low-fat milk from 18% to 35%.
On finding the feeling: Robyn Waters, a “Trend Manager” at Target, played a crucial role in transforming the company from being similar to Walmart to the iconic “Tarzhay”. She achieved this by creatively incorporating displays of colorful M&Ms and the latest Apple iMac computers to demonstrate the importance of incorporating color in their offerings.
The rider wants to “analyze-think-change” but in reality we “see-feel-change.”
Change can be facilitated by visual and emotional cues. For example, a presentation on reducing spending on gloves was made more effective by laying out all the gloves with different prices on a table, rather than using spreadsheets.
On shrinking the change: In 2007, Alia Cru and Ellen Langer conducted a study on hotel maids and their exercise habits. The study divided the maids into two groups, with one group being told that they were already meeting the recommended exercise levels, while the other group was informed about the benefits of exercising. After 4 weeks, the results showed that the maids who were told that they were good exercisers lost an average of 1.8 pounds, which is equivalent to almost a half-pound per week, a significant weight loss. However, the other group of maids did not experience any weight loss.
On growing your people: Lovelace Hospital Systems in Albuquerque, NM was facing rapid turnover, a common issue in the healthcare industry. To address this, they hired Susan Wood of Appreciative Inquiry, a method of transforming organizations by focusing on their strengths rather than weaknesses. Wood discovered that the nurses who remained at the hospital longer believed in the noble nature of their profession. In response, the hospital created an orientation program that emphasized the admirable qualities of nursing and established mentorship programs to enhance the nurses’ skills and knowledge. Employee satisfaction surveys indicated that these measures were effective, and as a result, turnover decreased by 30% over the following year.
On tweaking the environment: In 2000, a study was conducted in a Chicago movie theater where free popcorn and soft drinks were offered to movie-goers. The popcorn was intentionally made to be unappetizing, but even so, the results were surprising. People with larger popcorn buckets ended up eating 53% more popcorn than those with smaller buckets, and most of them were not aware of this fact. The results showed that the environment can play a huge role in affecting behavior.
In another study, participants were given chocolates or radishes and then asked to solve puzzles. Those who had only eaten radishes gave up after 8 minutes, while those who had eaten cookies gave up after 19 minutes, showing that self-control is an exhaustible resource.
It was also noted that our mind works differently when we are supervised, such as when learning something new, compared to when we are not, such as when driving a car. This is why shopping can be tiring.
On rallying the herd: We look for environmental cues and examples of others to know how to act. Therefore, make your change feel like a norm that has already been established. For example: “In the 1980s, Jay Winsten, a public health professor at Harvard, got interested in the idea of a ‘designated driver’..” unknown in the US at that time. “Winsten and his team collaborated with producers, writers and actors from more than 160 prime-time TV programs, sprinkling designated-driver moments naturally into the plots.” Requested just “5 seconds” of dialogue featuring the idea. “In 1991, three years after the campaign launched, nine out of ten people were familiar with the term designated driver.”
On keeping the switch going: Punishment rarely works. Instead, change the environment. Take small steps. Praise all steps on right path. You will get there.
About the Author
Chip Heath and Dan Heath are American authors and speakers who specialize in the fields of business and psychology. They are brothers and co-authors of several popular books, including Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard. In Switch, the Heath brothers use insights from psychology, sociology, and other disciplines to explain why change is difficult and to offer practical advice for making change easier. The book is widely regarded as a practical and accessible guide to overcoming resistance and making real, lasting change in both personal and organizational contexts. Chip Heath is a professor of organizational behavior at Stanford Graduate School of Business, while Dan Heath is a senior fellow at Duke University’s CASE center. Together, they are known for their ability to make complex concepts accessible and actionable for a general audience.
Ghosts! Telepathy! Magic! Is there a reader on Earth who doesn’t love the idea of a scientific inquiry regarding evidence for the paranormal? When it comes to nonfiction, Fringeology: How I Tried to Explain Away the Unexplainable – And Couldn’t by Steve Volk is in a class of its own. Where do they even put it on the shelf at Barnes and Noble?
Read this book because, firstly, you know you’re curious and secondly, because it might open your mind.
Key Takeaways
Scientists can be dogmatic and irrational in their beliefs, just like anyone else. This is a natural human tendency. The debate should not be between paranormal believers and skeptics but rather what evidence is sufficient to support the paranormal. This perspective is referred to as “possibilianism.” It is the position that all truly open-minded people take to the paranormal.
Chapter One focuses on near-death experiences and presents evidence to suggest they are real. There are numerous accounts of these experiences with interesting similarities between them, and skeptics have not provided a satisfactory explanation.
Chapter Two focuses on telepathy and presents evidence for this paranormal phenomenon. A small effect has been proven when large enough samples are used; however, the effect is not large enough to serve practical purposes. The author als describes the ongoing debate between skeptics represented by CSICOP (Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal) and the Parapsychological Association, whose findings are sometimes dismissed without good reason.
Chapter Three explores the concept of consciousness outside of the brain. It provides an overview of quantum physics, which suggests that the smallest units of matter have mind of their own. The author tells the story of Dr. Stuart Hameroff, who wrote about consciousness.
Chapter Four discusses the possibility of aliens and UFO sightings, including a convincing sighting in Stevensville, Texas. The author points out that UFOs are certainly real, since they are defined simply as “unidentified flying objects,” but that most sightings have Earth-based explanations.
Chapter Five focuses on ghosts and the author’s personal experience living in a haunted house. The reality of ghostly phenomena is debated.
Chapter Six explores the Overview Effect, a feeling of unity or oneness with all that is experienced by many astronauts who view the earth from space. Edgar Mitchell, who had this experience, is on a quest to understand the source of the unity he felt.
Chapter Seven discusses the positive effects of meditation and meditative prayer, as researched by Dr. Andrew Newberg.
Chapter Eight focuses on lucid dreaming and the experience of becoming aware one is dreaming while still dreaming. The findings of notable sleep and dream researcher, Dr. Stephen LaBerge, are explored.
Chapter Nine explores Induced After-Death Communication (IADC), a therapeutic technique for overcoming trauma, which involves recalling painful memories and moving the eyes from side to side. The story of Al Botkin, who discovered this therapy, is told. Although anecdotal evidence is promising, no large-scale studies have been conducted.
Chapters Ten and Eleven present the author’s conclusions. The author discusses the human desire for certainty, though intellectual curiosity is often a wiser perspective to take.
About the Author
Steve Volk is a journalist and author, best known for his book Fringeology: How I Tried to Explain Away the Unexplainable–And Couldn’t. The book explores the topic of the paranormal and the boundaries of science and skepticism. Volk is a contributing editor at Philadelphia Magazine and has written for a number of other publications.
Sometimes, you need some fatherly advice about money–from someone else’s father, of course. Robert Kiyosaki’s book Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not! combines good old-fashioned common sense with professional insights on financial success that apply to a wide range of investors (even–especially–the newbies).
Read this book to fill in your knowledge gaps regarding money and to get inspired to start an investment strategy today.
Key Takeaways
The definition of the word “rich” is “able to live off the interest from one’s investments.” This is your goal.
Look where no one else is looking for business opportunities. Don’t follow the crowd; buy when stocks crash rather than selling, as others do.
Know the difference between an asset and a liability. An asset puts money into your income column and a liability takes it out. Everything else, including personal property that can’t be easily sold, is neutral. Many people see their home as an asset, but it is not an asset if you aren’t gaining income on it.
Pay yourself first, even before paying your bills. Put money into your investments first! You’ll be forced to use your creativity to get the rest taken care of, too.
Don’t fear risk. This is what keeps many people from investing in anything high yield and going with mutual funds and others safe investments instead.
Money is not real. It’s all just a game. Have fun with it!
If you don’t enjoy a certain type of investing, do something else. You’re unlikely to be successful at something you dislike.
Hire people who are smarter than you.
Most rich people lose it all at some point but they usually make it back–and then some–because they know what they’re doing.
Create a corporation and wrap it around your largest assets.
Educate yourself about money. Read advice books and follow it.
About the Author
Robert Kiyosaki is an American author, entrepreneur, and investor. He is best known for his book Rich Dad Poor Dad, which has become a personal finance classic and has been translated into 51 languages. In the book, Kiyosaki shares lessons he learned about money and investing from his “rich dad,” and contrasts them with the financial advice he received from his own father. He has written several other books on personal finance, including Cashflow Quadrant and Retire Young Retire Rich. Kiyosaki is also the founder of the Rich Dad Company, which provides financial education and training.
Meditation isn’t just for the woo-woo crowd. Written by agnostic journalist Dan Harris, Ten Percent Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works—A True Story is a well-written memoir about an everyday workaholic who takes up meditation.
Read it to convince your skeptical self to try this evidence-based strategy for improving mental health.
Key Takeaways
Studies have shown the transformative effects of meditation, including evidence for the existence of enlightenment.
The purpose of meditation is not to feel something, but to simply try and build your meditation muscle, similar to practicing a sport or a musical instrument.
Meditation can help you improve your work relationships, as evidenced by the author’s own transformation from being a difficult colleague to being seen as “easy”.
To meditate, first choose a focal point for your breath, such as your mouth, chest, or belly. Whenever your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath. You can silently repeat “in-out” to help you focus.
After grounding yourself in your breath, practice “noting”–noticing and labeling thoughts or dominant feelings without judgment. This is called “choiceless awareness” and can lead to a real breakthrough in meditation.
Don’t worry too much about how you feel while meditating. The goal is to redirect your attention back to your breath whenever it wanders. That’s the whole game.
During a long meditation, it’s normal to experience both bliss and misery within the same hour. As you advance in your practice, the ups and downs will become less pronounced.
If focusing on your breath doesn’t work for you, try a body scan meditation, a compassion meditation, or a choiceless awareness meditation instead.
About the Author
Dan Harris is an American journalist and author, best known for his book 10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works—A True Story. The book was published in 2014 and describes Harris’ journey from skepticism towards self-help and spirituality to a more balanced and mindful life. In it, he explains how he found inner peace through meditation, and how this practice helped him to be more productive, less stressed, and happier in his personal and professional life. The book was a New York Times bestseller and has been praised for its accessibility and practical approach to mindfulness and meditation. Harris is also a co-anchor of ABC News’ “Nightline” and the co-founder of the 10% Happier movement and app.
We know that homo sapiens and earlier hominids evolved in the great continent of Africa. However, after the species spread to other areas of the globe, the history of the place of our origins becomes less distinct. Partly, this is due to a lack of cultural appreciation (or even avoidance of the topic), and partly, it is due to a lack of written records. In medieval Africa, though, the continent was home to as many as 10,000 different nations, tribes and kingdoms, each with their own distinct languages, customs and governmental structures. With advances in seagoing technology, trade with the Middle East and India grew rapidly. Interestingly, though civil wars were frequent, tribal success was based more on trade than on conquest during this time.
The Portugese began their colonization of Africa in the 1500s, and was quickly followed by several other Western powers (particularly Britain, France, Spain and the Netherlands) until, by the early 1900s, most of Africa had been claimed. Colonizers focused most of their efforts on resource extraction, including the extraction of natives for slavery, rather than settlement. Areas that were settled by a significant number of Westerners included Algeria (by the French), South Africa (by several nations), Kenya (by the British) and more. Settlers suffered from African diseases such as yellow fever, sleeping sickness, yaws, leprosy and malaria.
ESSENTIAL KNOWLEDGE: HISTORY OF AFRICA
Ancient Times (3000 BCE to 500 CE)
Ancient Egypt: The first civilization in Africa, which is considered one of the greatest civilizations in history. It included multiple cities, all hugging the Nile River. It is known for its advanced medicine, astronomy and engineering; its unique polytheistic religion; its pyramids; its hieroglyphics; its papyrus paper; its use of cattle for transportation; its wheat and barley crops, which were used for beer and bread making; and its flax crops, which were used for linen and more. Egypt was briefly conquered by both Alexander the Great and the Roman Empire in turn. It thrived partly due to the predictable flood cycles of the Nile River. It had a pyramid-shaped social hierarchy, which included the pharaoh and nobles at the top; the middle class, merchants and soldiers in the middle; and the peasants and farmers making up the largest class at the bottom.
Egypt’s Upper and Lower Kingdoms: The two Egyptian kingdoms that existed before unification. The Upper Kingdom was located along the southern part of the Nile closer to the mountains, while the Lower Kingdom was located downhill at the northern part of the Nile called the Nile Delta.
Pharaoh: The ruler or king of ancient Egypt after Egyptian unification. The pharaoh eventually became thought of as a living god.
Narmer: The ancient Egyptian king who, around 3000 BCE, united Upper Egypt and Lower Egypt and the first Egyptian pharaoh. With his reign, Egypt began moving through three stages: the Old Kingdom, the Middle Kingdom and the New Kingdom.
Egypt’s Old Kingdom: The period of Egyptian history during which Narmer reigned; pyramids including the Great Pyramid at Giza were built; and the tradition of mummification began
Egypt’s Middle Kingdom: The period of Egyptian history during which, after a time of decline, Mentuhotep restored Egypt’s greatness and fine arts and literature flourished. Though during this time Egypt invaded Nubia for gold, it remained mostly isolated.
Egypt’s New Kingdom: The period of Egyptian history during which, after another brief decline, Egypt’s golden age took place. It is known for its aggressive policies; for its wars with the Hittites and Arameans; for its taking of Nubian slaves; for its conquering of Palestine for a time; and for its legal equality of men and women.
Amenhotep III: The most well-known New Kingdom pharaoh, who led Egypt at its height of wealth and influence
Mummification: The process of preserving dead bodies into very long-lasting mummies. It involved a great deal of salt and cloth wrapping and took 70 days to complete. Mummies of pharaohs were often buried in pyramids.
Pyramid: A special type of massive tomb built for the Egyptian pharaohs and the huge variety of treasures, sacred writings and food meant to accompany them into the afterlife
The Great Pyramid at Giza: The greatest of the Egyptian pyramids and one of the seven wonders of the ancient world. It was made up of six million tons of stone, which may have been brought to the location on bamboo sleds.
The Valley of the Kings: A large, once-secret burial site in ancient Egypt that included many buried pyramids that once housed bodies of New Kingdom pharaohs. King Tut’s body was found there in the 1900s in a pyramid stuffed with treasure.
Mentuhotep: The first pharaoh of the Middle Kingdom who reunited Egypt after a time of political instability
Akhenaten: The Egyptian pharaoh most known for trying to change Egypt’s religious system from polytheism to monotheism. After Akhenaten died, his name was removed from monuments and records, his new capital city was abandoned, and the priests of the old gods reintroduced polytheism.
Aten: The god that Akhenaten worshiped
Cleopatra: The last pharaoh of Egypt who was known for her seductive beauty; her relationships with Roman leaders Julius Caesar and Mark Antony; her influence on Roman politics; and her death by suicide
Ra: The ancient Egyptian god of the sun
Osiris: The ancient Egyptian god of the underworld
Isis: The ancient Egyptian god of fertility
King Tutenkahamen/King Tut: A New Kingdom pharaoh whose tomb, mummified remains and accompanying treasure stash were rediscovered in modern times by British archaeologist Howard Carter in the early 1900s
The Book of the Dead: A collection of manuscripts and spells from ancient Egypt
The Rosetta Stone: An ancient stone tablet dating from around 200 BCE that features text in hieroglyphics and two other languages and which therefore played a key role in the deciphering of hieroglyphics by modern-day scholars
Nubia: The collection of small city-states that arose in modern-day Sudan around 2400 BCE and that were loosely united under the rule of the pharaohs of Egypt. It is known for its iron and gold resources and its flourishing trade with Egypt and beyond.
Kingdom of Kush: The civilization that arose out of Nubia around 800 BCE and lasted till the 300s CE. It is known for gaining control of Nubia, then expanding its kingdom to parts of Ethiopia and Egypt.
Carthage: The powerful city-state in North Africa on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea that, due to its trade with the rest of Africa, threatened both ancient Greece and ancient Rome. Carthage fought the Punic Wars against Greece and fell to Rome for a time. During Roman control, Christianity and other Western ideas spread to Africa.
Phoenicians: The people of Carthage, who were known for their excellent seamanship
Hannibal: The leader of Carthage during ancient Greek and Roman times who is known for fighting the Second Punic War against Greece and crossing the Alps instead of taking the water route to mount a surprise attack on Italy
The Aksum Empire: A wealthy empire located in the Horn of Africa that ruled from about 100 CE to about 1000 CE. It is known for its great cities; its large monoliths; and its widespread acceptance of Christianity.
The Berbers: The name given to the native people of North Africa (Morocco, Algeria and beyond) by foreigners. They are known for their trade with Carthage during ancient times; for their exploitation and enslavement by Carthage; and for their camel-riding.
The Pygmies: An indigenous people who have lived in the forests of central Africa for tens of thousands of years and are known for their small physical size; their bartering culture; their forest-based spiritual beliefs; and their simple hunter-gatherer way of life
The Bantu: An indigenous people who have lived in southern and central Africa, particularly the Great Lakes region, from around 2000 BCE to the present and are known for developing powerful states like the Kingdom of Kongo and the Kingdom of Zimbabwe; for trading with the Greeks and Romans during ancient times; and for their rich cultural heritage, including music, dance, storytelling, and spiritual beliefs.
The Nok: One of the earliest known cultures of Western Africa, which thrived on the Niger River in modern-day Nigeria and beyond from about 500 BCE to about 200 CE. They are known for their pottery and their iron tools.
Jenne-jeno: One of the oldest known cities in subsaharan Africa, located in present-day Mali and founded around 300 CE. It is known for linking West Africa to the Mediterranean and the Sahara and for serving as an important archaeological site in modern times to further our understanding of African history.
The Middle Ages (500 CE to 1500 CE)
The Arab invasion: The invasion of Egypt by Muslim Arabs in the mid-600s that resulted in Arab control of all of the North African coasts and the spread of Islam in this area
The Kingdom of Ghana: One of the first great empires of western Africa, which was located near modern-day Ghana and beyond and which lasted from about the 500s CE to about the 1200s CE. It is known for serving as the center of the African gold trade due to its advantageous location on the Saharan trade route; its Muslim ruling class, which lived in a town connected to the king’s residence; its divine king, which they called Ghana; its rural class, which lived in villages; its adoption of Islam; and its taxing of trade through the area as their main source of wealth rather than production.
The Swahili: An ethnic community who has lived in coastal eastern Africa (Kenya, Uganda and beyond) from around 1000 CE to the present and are known for their mixed Arab, Persian and Bantu ethnicities due to extensive trade with these peoples; their Islamic traditions; their unique language, Swahili, a mix of Bantu and foreign languages; their exports of ivory, slaves and gold; their partial takeover by the Portugese around 1500; and more
Kanem-Bornu: The northwestern African state that was located near Lake Chad and that lasted from about the 800s CE to about the 1800s CE. It is known for being one of the largest and longest-lasting states in African history; for its wealth and power; for its control over the trans-Saharan trade routes that linked West Africa to North Africa and the Mediterranean; and for its sophisticated political, administrative, and cultural practices and systems.
Great Zimbabwe: The southern African empire located on the Zimbabwe Plateau that lasted from the 900s CE to the 1400s. It is known for replacing Mapungubwe; for its stone structures built entirely without mortar, including the wall of the Great Enclosure; for its gold; for its luxurious royal court; and for its trade with its contemporary, Kilwa. About 1430 impressive stone buildings were erected there, and its name comes from the word meaning “stone building”.
The Kingdom of Benin: The western African empire that was located in present-day Nigeria and beyond and that lasted from the 1000s to the 1400s, then became the Benin Empire and lasted till almost 1900 CE. It is known for its extensive forests; its capital, Benin City, that had wide streets, large wooden houses and walls encompassing it; its cloth, ivory, metal, palm oil, and pepper; its bronze carvings; its brass masks and carvings; its rich palace; and its ruler Oba Eware the Great.
Oba Eware the Great: One of the leaders of the Kingdom of Benin, who is known for modernizing the kingdom and for refusing to enslave prisoners or engage in the slave trade, which protected it from European colonization for a time
The Ethiopian Empire: The eastern African empire located in modern-day Ethiopia and beyond that lasted from the 1100s CE to the 1500s CE. It is known for its peacefulness and lack of military expansion; its diplomacy with Europe; and its adoption of Western cultural traditions, including Orthodox Christianity and naming its leader “emperor” instead of “king”. It is also known for building eleven cross-shaped churches carved out of solid rock as well as the church of St. George.
The Kingdom of Mapungubwe: The kingdom considered to be the first state in southern Africa, which lasted from about 1100 CE to the 1200s CE and whose capital was Mapungubwe. It is known for its well-organized central government; its economic power; and its ivory, copper and gold resources.
The Mali Empire: The West African empire that began in the 1200s CE and absorbed the remains of the Ghana Empire. It is known for its salt and gold trade; its thriving agriculture including sorghum, millet and rice; its animal husbandry; its gradual conversion to Islam; its governmental system wherein the farma (leaders of villages) paid tribute to the mansa (the ruler); its book trade; and its culture of learning and literacy.
Mansa Musa: The Mali ruler during the 1300s CE who is known for his pilgrimage to Mecca with 500 slaves, each holding a bar of gold. He gave away so much gold during this trip that gold was devalued in Egypt for over a decade. His expedition increased trade in Africa and influenced thinking about Africa across the Middle East and Europe. He was one of the richest people in history.
Timbuktu: A busy trading city in Mali where salt, horses, gold, and slaves were sold
The Kanem Empire: The southern African empire that was located in the Chad Basin and beyond, at times including parts of Nigeria and South Sudan, and that lasted from the 800s CE to the 1300s CE. It is known for its slave trade; its large cavalry; its adoption of Islam; and its people’s frequent pilgrimages to Mecca.
The Bornu Empire: The southern African empire that was located in the Chad Basin and beyond; that lasted from about the 1300s CE to about 1900 CE; and that replaced the Kanem Empire. It is known for the advantageous location of its capital, Bornu; for its modernized military; for its friendly relations with the Ottoman Empire; and for being the first empire south of the Sahara to import firearms.
Early Modern Times (1500 CE to 1900 CE)
The Zulus: An ethnic group of southern Africa whose exact origins are unknown that make up one of the largest ethnic groups in Africa. They might have formed as a distinct group in the early 1500s. They are known for their advanced militaristic tactics and organization and for their frequent fighting with other tribes, especially during colonial times.
The African slave trade: The enslaving and selling of approximately 13 million African natives to foreign countries, which occurred from the 1500s to the 1800s. Some Africans were captured in raids from their homelands, while others were sold by their own people. Britain and some U.S. states banned the slave trade in the early 1800s, while other U.S. states continued using slaves through the late 1800s.
The Middle Passage: The route taken by slave ships through the Atlantic Ocean between Europe, Africa and the Americas
Dutch East India Company: A Netherlands-based trading company that effectively governed colonized lands and managed trade there. For a time, it controlled the Gold Coast (particularly Ghana) of Africa in order to trade for gold. It founded Cape Town in southern Africa.
The Kingdom of Songhai: The western African empire that lasted from the 1400s CE to the 1600s CE and that became the largest empire in the history of Africa. It is known for overtaking Mali and dominating the west; for its strong central government; for incorporating some Islamic religious traditions; for making Timbuktu a center of Islamic learning; and for the descriptions of it by Roman historian Leo Africanus.
Sunni Ali: The Songhai ruler that, in the 1400s CE, expanded the kingdom to become the largest in Africa’s history. He captured Timbuktu and took control of the Saharan trade route for gold and salt. He was disliked by some for not being a Muslim.
The Kingdom of Rwanda: The southern African empire that was founded around the 1600s CE and that is known for its strict class system that included the elite class called the Tutsi and the farming class called the Hutu
The Kingdom of Kongo: The central African empire that was located in what is now the Democratic Republic of the Congo on the lower Congo River and beyond that lasted from the late 1300s to the late 1800s. It is known for its fertile soil; its good military organization; its artworks, including metalwork, pottery, weaving and musical instruments; its adoption of maize and cassava from the Portugese, which then spread across Africa; its strong centralized rule; and its early adoption of Christianity.
The Boers: Dutch settlers of southern Africa, particularly South Africa, during colonial times. They are known for fighting against the British for control of South Africa; for intimidating African tribes, including the Zulu, with guns and horses; for creating farming settlements; and for playing a key role in the establishment and maintenance of Apartheid.
Scramble for Africa: The colonization and partitioning of most of Africa by seven Western European powers in negotiations that took place from the late 1800s through the early 1900s. Negotiations did not include African governmental leaders. Tribal and national boundaries were redrawn arbitrarily, resulting in the breakup of many ethnic groups in Africa. European motives included prestige and natural resources.
Dr. David Livingstone: A popular British missionary, anti-slavery activist and explorer of the interior of Africa who sought the source of the Nile. He was in turn sought after by by journalist Henry Stanley, who is said to have greeted him when they met in central Africa with the phrase, “Dr. Livingstone, I presume?”
The Boer Wars: The wars fought between the British, the Zulus and the Boers in the late 1800s for control of Cape Colony in South Africa
Cecil Rhodes: The British Prime Minister of Cape Colony of South Africa who sought to unite all of Africa under British rule
The Suez Canal: A man-made waterway in Egypt created in the late 1800s that connects the Mediterranean Sea to the Red Sea, allowing ships to bypass the lengthy and dangerous trip around the African continent and providing a greatly shortened route from the West to India and the Far East. In the late 1800s, Britain took advantage of a financial crisis involving its previous owners (France and Egypt) and bought 50 percent of the shares.
The Modern Era (1900 CE to the Present)
The decolonization of Africa: The gradual regaining of independence from colonial powers by African nations, which took place primarily during the middle part of the 1900s
Apartheid: Apartheid was a system of racial segregation and discrimination that was implemented in South Africa from 1948 to the early 1990s. Under apartheid, the white minority government of South Africa enforced a series of laws that created separate living areas, schools, and public facilities for black, white, and other racial groups. The laws also restricted the movement and rights of black South Africans, including limiting their political participation. The apartheid system was widely condemned as a violation of human rights and faced widespread opposition, both within South Africa and internationally. The anti-apartheid movement, led by Nelson Mandela and others, eventually succeeded in ending the apartheid system and establishing a multi-racial democracy in South Africa.
African National Congress (ANC): A political party in South Africa founded in the early 1900s whose goal was and is to bring about a non-racial, non-sexist and democratic society and government in the area
Desmond Tutu: A South African activist who fought apartheid, advocating for human rights and equality. An Anglican cleric and theologian, he served as the Archbishop of Cape Town in the 1980s and 90s and was the first black South African to hold the position. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
Nelson Mandela: A South African activist who in the 1990s became the first Black president of South Africa and whose presidency helped end apartheid. From the 1940s on, he led protests and campaigns against inequality with the African National Congress. He was imprisoned for 27 years for his political activities before being released in 1990. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
In a word, The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in an Age of Colorblindness is stunning. In it, author Michelle Alexander carefully walks the reader through the many legal and law enforcement practices that raise the statistical chances of people of color being incarcerated (most often for minor drug offenses), then, once branded felons, denied civil rights and social services.
Read it to gain a basic understanding of multi-systemic racism in America.
The Summary
African Americans and other people of color are brought into the U.S. criminal justice system at a much higher rate than White people. This mass incarceration can be considered the new Jim Crow–the new system for propagating racism and segregation.
The path to mass incarceration, Alexander writes, includes:
Government programs that (handsomely) incentivise local law enforcement agencies to increase drug-related arrests in any way necessary;
Pinpointing poor neighborhoods for random searches and seizures, which should be illegal but through many legal loopholes, now are effectively entirely legal;
Using very minor driving offenses as an excuse to search and seize;
Inflating penalties for minor drug offenses (such as possession of a small amount of drugs or even being present when drug crimes take place) to frightening (and unconstitutional) levels in order to pressure people to take plea bargains–even people who are entirely innocent of any crime;
Removing civil rights, such as the right to vote, from people branded felons;
Removing social services, such as child care, food benefits and housing from people branded felons;
Allowing places of employment and housing to discriminate based on felon status;
and more.
For people of color, the U.S. criminal justice system is a nearly inescapable entrance to a parallel universe in which Constitutional and other rights are systematically removed and thriving is greatly hindered.
About the Author
Michelle Alexander is an American author, lawyer, and legal scholar. She is best known for her book The New Jim Crow: Mass Incarceration in the Age of Colorblindness, which was published in 2010. The book critiques the U.S. criminal justice system and argues that mass incarceration functions as a system of racial control, similar to the Jim Crow laws of the late 19th and early 20th centuries. Alexander has also written for several prominent publications, including The New York Times, The Nation, and The Colorlines. She is a graduate of Stanford Law School and has taught at a number of universities, including Ohio State University, where she was an associate professor of law.
